


Hope and Legends

by Sourlander



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: After TLJ, F/F, F/M, First Order rules, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Resistance rebuilding, Resistance underground, Spoilers, Stormpilot, mourning for a parent, poefinn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 45,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourlander/pseuds/Sourlander
Summary: The Resistance is struggling. Years after the battle of Crait, they still haven't recovered completely, but the spark is still there and Poe refuses to let it die.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! 
> 
> Thanks for joining me in post-TLJ madness! Please be warned, that this fic contains spoilers for TLJ ;) But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There WILL be a depiction of suicide at the end of this chapter!
> 
> This chapter was inspired by a scene from Bertolt Brecht's "Fear and Misery in the Third Reich" called "The Old Fighter".

** Prologue **

 

_Yavin IV - 3 After Crait_

 

Years ago, the streets would have been deserted at this time of day, but nowadays the first customers stood outside the shops at the break of dawn, waiting there only to wait some more and maybe, with a bit of luck, not get back home emptyhanded.

            Years ago, people would have driven to town at a time of their choosing. Nowadays they didn’t have the money to buy some of the rare fuel, and everyone still living outside of town, had to make sure they produced enough to not only feed his family, but also to have enough left over to fulfil the First Order’s ever growing demands.

            Years ago, the town of Vernez would have been a prosperous place, where beings of all species could make a living.

            And then the First Order had arrived and taken the planet in one single swoop.

            Kes Dameron had managed to hold on to his farm, but he knew the Order was keeping tabs on every single step he took, every conversation he had. Business wasn’t great, but he got by. The Order wanted him alive. They wanted him watched, because it was only a matter of time until his son contacted him.

            But Poe hadn’t reached out to him in three years, not since the battle of Crait, where the Resistance had been wiped from the face of the galaxy. Or so the First Order tried to make the people believe. Kes didn’t have a trace of doubt that the Resistance was still operating, even if he couldn’t get in contact with them. He knew Poe was still alive, because he himself was alive, and that was the only hope he still had. His boy lived. The Resistance was still intact, even if they had moved operations into the underground. Hope was the last thing he still had left. He didn’t mind being leverage as long as they kept him alive. His boy might need him at some point.

            “So we’re not getting butter today either, are we?” he heard a woman say. The one who was standing closer to the front door, three people ahead of him.

            He bit his lip, thinking she really shouldn’t be complaining this loudly. But she’d grown angrier and angrier for days now. He couldn’t exactly blame her. If only butter was the only shortage they had.

And of course, a young man with red hair and a terribly long nose spoke up at this. “It’s not as if we’re starving, lady! There may be shortages, but that’s the price we have to pay if we want the Order to keep us safe!”

            Kes swallowed the comment he was about to make.

            The woman ducked her head and nodded. “No… no, you’re right of course.” She, too must have seen the First Order’s emblem on the man’s jacket. Hell, what Kes wouldn’t give to be able to punch that guy senseless.

            “Butter is not going to help anyone at this point! The troops have to eat, don’t they? And we may need to sacrifice, if we want them to advance! The Mandalorians are still threatening to overthrow the peace treaty.”

            Kes tuned out then. He stared at the ground, balling his hands into fists. The loud-mouthed young man soon got support from another, much older guy and Kes felt about ready to turn and run, when the shopkeeper came out the door. Not a good sign. Kes’ heart sank and he already knew what was coming. The shop wouldn’t open that day.

            It had happened several times before, but as Kes turned, he heard the young man with the First Order emblem on his arm talking to the shopkeeper. He’d get what he wanted, even though everyone else was turned away. There were always some supplies left for First Order people.

            As he walked back to the main square, he walked past the butcher, the crowd of people trying to get into the market right by his side. The screens keeping the shop window secure during the night hours were lifting. These last few weeks, the butcher hadn’t been able to put anything on display, and the row with First Order officials about displaying fake meat made of plaster was the talk of the town. When the Order had arrived on Yavin IV, the butcher had been one of the first to embrace them, which wasn’t a big surprise, given that he was the one who got to supply the garrison. But as meat had become scarcer, his business wasn’t going as well as it had done before, and only a few weeks before, the butcher’s daughter had been executed in the town square.

            Kes shuddered, when he thought about that moment. The girl had been no older than fourteen and she’d been accused of assaulting her superior officer in the new training centre the First Order had set up here to get the youth under control. Things were worse now than they had been under the rule of the Empire. Yes, Palpatine had been a ruthless dictator, but this… this was worse. No one valued life anymore. No one.

He stopped dead in his tracks, when he saw the coat hanging inside the window, slowly dangling from side to side. Bile rose up in his throat and he felt as sick as he hadn’t since the First Order had blown the Republic to bits.

It was the butcher. He had hanged himself.


	2. Chapter 2

_Naboo_

 

The stone crashed through the water’s surface and the droplets flew high into the air, glistening softly in the afternoon sun. Behind him, he could hear the voices moving away from him, while he remained here by the water’s edge, staring into nothingness, though there was so much to be seen. The wide lake. The tall mountains encircling it and the patches of grass and rock leading down to where it began. Even their new headquarters didn’t look half bad in this light, but he couldn’t find beauty in anything.

            Not today.

            Poe sat down on one of the rocks a bit further away from the run-down house. He refused to look at the freshly dug grave and the people he now had to lead all on his own. Leia had started passing on the torch to him years ago, but her sudden death made it feel real. And he resented her for it. He resented her for just leaving them in this mess, with the Resistance still not even half-way back to its full strength. They were scattered around the galaxy, connected by a network, which was always on the cusp of being sliced by the Order. Having everyone in the same spot would only increase the potential of being found out and destroyed. They couldn’t afford to be brought as close to a total wipe-out as they had that day on Crait.

            His chest contracted painfully and he threw another stone, taking no satisfaction in the sound it made as it hit the surface. He felt abandoned by her, even though he knew, in the rational part of his brain, that Leia leaving them hadn’t been her choice. There had been nothing she could have done to prevent it, and nothing any of them could have done to save her. She was gone. And that was that.

            Only that it wasn’t. She was still a part of him. She was still the face of the Resistance, and the one person who had always been able to persuade. To lead, even in the most desperate times. She had been reckless and brave and strong. But also a strategic thinker and the one person who had carried the spark of rebellion over the years.

            Her death meant that he’d not only lost a leader, a symbol, but also a friend. But thinking about personal consequences for him, what it meant for him personally that Leia had gone, was something he couldn’t afford just now. They’d launched an attack on the occupied planet of Mandalore, where a few of their informants had started an uprising several days ago. How he wished he could’ve been with them. To jump into his X-Wing and help them to blow up at least one of the First Order’s battleships. But those times were long gone. He’d lost his ship during the fateful evacuation on D’Qar and when he got to fly one of the old battered ones they’d managed to scramble together, it was for flying instructions. Not that they could fly very far or high up these days. At least not here on Naboo. There was always the chance they’d appear on random scans of the planet’s surface. The contacts Leia still had here wouldn’t be able to protect them then.

            A soft beeping alerted him to Beebee-Ate’s presence.

            “Hey, buddy,” Poe said, stretching out his hand to touch the droid’s cool, domed head. “You okay?”

            The whistling that followed told him that his astromech was not.

            “Yeah, neither am I. But we can do this, okay? We’re gonna pull through. I have to believe that.” Because if he stopped believing, then everything would be lost for good.

            His heart lifted, when he heard the next sequence of chirps. A message, which managed to lift his heart.

            “They’re back?” He couldn’t help but smile in relief.

 

The house was run-down in many places and several rooms on the topmost floor were uninhabitable. But it didn’t matter much. It was summer on this side of the planet and they’d be gone before the autumn storms set it. Where they’d go, they didn’t know yet, but leaving Leia behind was still a concept he hadn’t quite grasped yet.

            He entered the small command centre they’d set up on the ground floor. Snap waved him over and Poe didn’t hesitate to join him at his station. Snap should’ve been with their small squadron of X-Wings as well, but he hadn’t recovered from his injury yet, so he was, in a way, just as grounded as Poe. But the difference was that Snap would be able to take to the air again soon enough. Poe not so much.

            “What do we have?” Poe asked, a hand on the back of Snap’s chair, as he looked at the console in front of his friend. “Just them?”

            Snap nodded. “Just them.”

            Poe heaved a sigh of relief and clapped Snap on the shoulder. He was glad his friend had brought in an old friend of his shortly after the battle of Crait, a slicer by the name of Conder Kyl. He’d managed to encrypt their systems, which managed to confuse the First Order ships and protect them during hypserspace travel. They still scattered, each ship heading in a different direction and making several jumps to make sure they weren’t found out again. The system had worked so far, but it made it harder for them to track their own ships as well.

            “They made it,” he whispered, wiping his brow. At least this one ship had made it back. Soon they’d know if the others had managed to get back to their respective bases. He watched the approach of the _Falcon_ on the screen. They didn’t know about Leia yet. They’d left for Mandalore about a standard week ago to help the rebel Forces strike a blow against the First Order. The planet had managed to remain neutral after the brief war three years ago, but the First Order had occupied it nonetheless. And then, the rebels on Mandalore had reached out to them via one of Leia’s old contacts and it had taken the weeks to figure out if the request for help was genuine.

            They were so much more careful nowadays, that Poe felt like they weren’t getting anywhere at all. He hated waiting for something to happen and he loathed not acting. But he’d learned his lesson after D’Qar and at Crait. He’d learned to control his impulses. To think things through properly, to consider the consequences. They were so few now… Out of the five X-Wings based with them on Naboo, only two had joined the mission.

            But this might gain them the support of the Mandalorians. If they managed to break free of the First Order, or at least strike a vital blow, they might decide to join them in their fight. It was ridiculous how much they were relying on ifs and maybes nowadays. He’d never thought they’d end up here. Never. When Leia had recruited him several years ago, he thought he’d simply follow in his parents’ footsteps, destroy the First Order and get back on with his life. Yet here he was. Leading a group of Resistance fighters, which barely managed to strike a small blow to the Order every few months.

            The _Falcon_ was in range now and he stepped out onto the wooden terrace to watch its approach.  Behind him, he could see the other ten or so people who were stationed with him here. They were all shaken by Leia’s death, but all of them knew that keeping the spark alive was the most important thing right now. In the dark hours of the night, he thought that it was a miracle they’d even made it this far.

            “They’re okay,” Rey said softly, as she stepped out behind him and he smiled at her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

            “Thanks,” he said, allowing the relief to show on his face. There was no use hiding his anxiety from her after all. How could you hide from a Jedi?

            She smiled and looked at the old freighter now rushing towards them, the water rippling underneath its battered old hull, before it settled at the water’s edge. Poe’s heart beat faster as he made his way towards it, even though he knew it was no use. He shouldn’t be this excited or frightened at seeing Finn again. Not after three years.

            The ramp was lowered and the first person to exit was Rose. His stomach tightened and he nodded at her curtly. He never knew why, but somehow he’d never gotten over the look Finn had given her on their flight from Crait. The two of them were inseparable and though they weren’t a couple, Poe couldn’t help but feel jealous of how close the two of them were.

            She didn’t smile either. It was clear that she respected Poe, but the tension between them was undeniable. Poe didn’t even know why he felt so threatened by her and why he couldn’t simply overcome this. “You guys okay?” he asked and when Rose nodded and Finn emerged behind her, he remembered why.

            He felt like running towards him, like hugging him close to his chest, like he had done that time when the had met each other again on D’Qar. But he didn’t. They weren’t as close as he thought they’d be. Not since Crait. But today he couldn’t bring himself to even smile at Finn.

            “We did it!” Finn grinned. “That warehouse is gone, their spaceport is badly damaged and the X-Wings managed to take out the command ship. Guess we managed to surprise them.”

            “That _is_ great news!”

The growling behind Finn announced that Chewbacca was on his way as well.

“Where’s Leia?” Finn asked as he approached, Rose by his side. She looked around, too, a frown on her face. Finn’s smile vanished almost at once, when he looked at Rey and then at Poe. Neither of them was able to speak, to say it out loud. It would make the whole thing even more real.

Poe cast down his eyes and took a deep breath. He could do this. He had to. “She died,” he said quietly, before he was able to look up again. “Yesterday. We think it was a heart attack. Nothing we could do.”

Finn’s eyes widened and his hand twitched, as though he wanted to reach out to Poe, to touch his shoulder, but he didn’t.

“Damn…” Rose muttered. “Of all the things…”

With a nod, Poe turned towards the house and the fresh mount of earth close by it. They’d buried her there, facing the lake and the gap, from where the water gushed down to join the river below. It had seemed fitting somehow. Even now, as the light of the dying sun hit the white head stone, Poe felt like they’d done the right thing.

Finn staggered and Poe saw Rey reach out for his hand.

“I can’t believe this happened,” Rose said, as they approached the grave. All colour had drained from her face. She blinked, her tears urging Poe to slump down and cry alongside her.

He pressed his lips together and folded his hands behind his back, staring down at the grave. He didn’t feel anything but the cold numbness spreading through his limbs as he stared down at the letters etched into the stone. They didn’t mean anything. Letters couldn’t even begin to describe who Leia was to him. She’d been his idol for as long as he could remember, his hero and his guide through these past years. She’d been his inspiration. He let out the breath he’d been holding and clapped Finn on the shoulder, the brief touch all he could manage.

Finn met his gaze, face set into an unreadable mask, which made Poe’s heart contract painfully. He let his hand drop and started towards the door.

They’d achieved a victory today. A small one, but a victory nonetheless. There was work to be done, even if every fibre of his being was screaming in agony.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I wish you all a couple of calm and happy days and to those of you who celebrate: Merry Christmas!
> 
> Thank you for following this fic!

_Naboo_

Conder Kyl was bent low over the console, brow furrowed.

            “Shouldn’t you be wearing your glasses?” Poe asked wearily. He was dead on his feet. He didn’t think he’d slept properly in two days, but he pretended to anyway, sneaking out of bed when most others were already asleep. He knew that he wasn’t fooling anyone, but he tried, actually _tried_ to get some sleep.

            Conder shook his head, though his nose was almost touching the wire. Almost, but not quite. “Nah, they’re dirty.”

            Poe chuckled and picked them up. The glass was smeared with a sort of oily film, one wiry side piece badly bent. He sat down next to Conder and started working on the metal, trying to get it back into shape. “What are you working on?” he asked and wasn’t surprised that he had to wait a while for Conder’s answer. Ever since his husband had been imprisoned, Conder had put all his energy into fighting back against the Order. Conder’s partner, a former loyalty officer of the Empire, who had started working for Mon Mothma after the battle of Endor, hadn’t done anything to hurt the First Order, but he’d been taken to the Citadel nonetheless, just because of his past. How Conder had managed to get away, Poe had never found out, but Conder’s determination in bringing the Order down was unwavering and Leia had decided to trust him. And their trust in the slicer had never been betrayed. But Conder tended to work too hard sometimes. He pushed himself, but Poe knew very well not to reprimand him for it. Conder was keeping them alive, but he worked his own hours and in his own time.

            When he was satisfied with the shape of the metal, he proceeded with cleaning the glasses and put them back on the desk next to Conder.

            “Just something that could make it possible for us to get access to the public Holo Net a bit easier. Without the signal being traced to us.”

            Poe nodded. He had no idea how such a thing could work, but he didn’t even pretend he’d understand everything Conder was talking about. But he trusted him, just like Leia had.

            “Are you alright then, General?”

            Poe swallowed hard. He wasn’t used to the title yet and he sure as hell wasn’t sure he’d ever be. Leia was the General. Not him. But they’d started calling him that ever since her death and he didn’t dare tell them not to. He knew his place.

            “I will be,” he said quietly, watching Conder’s fingers at work. “You?”

            Conder nodded in turn as he continued fiddling with the wires. He still hadn’t touched the glasses and he probably never would. “Connix commed in about half an hour ago,” he said, and Poe closed his eyes for a moment.

            “Good,” he muttered. “That’s good.” It was weird how they both lowered their voices, when they were the only ones left in the repair shop, only because it was the middle of the night.

            The X-Wings based here on Naboo had arrived shortly after the _Falcon_ and the reports he’d gotten this far had been promising. The attack had been a success, more people on Mandalore had been spurred on to keep fighting. Now it was up to them to win more ground, while the Resistance tried to divert the Order’s attention away from Mandalore. Time was running out for their assasins stationed on Coruscant. He hated that they had to resort to these measures, but their operation was so incredibly small…

            “I’ll be working on those ships for a while.”

            Conder didn’t look up, but gave him an appreciative grunt. They slipped back into their routine very easily and Poe found that the work on the engines calmed him down. He got his hands dirty and managed to help get the X-Wings they’d bought as wrecks back into fighting shape. They weren’t nearly as agile or functional as the ones they’d had in the days of the Republic, but they were still better than nothing. Not that the Republic didn’t exist anymore. There were still planets out there which declared their allegiance to the Republic openly and which still adhered to its laws and stuck up a fight against the Order, but they were caught in a sort of stalemate with the Order now.

            The First Order had taken Coruscant roughly two years ago to re-establish the old regime, but their reckless leader had caused them a lot of damage. They’d lost several battles and now the Order tried to ignore those systems they hadn’t managed to beat. For now, anyway, but the silence made Poe feel uneasy, to say the least.

            Beebee-Ate nudged him in the side. He hadn’t even heard the droid approach. “Hey, buddy,” he whispered. “Come to help me?”

            The negatory beeps made him smile. “I know. It was my idea to salvage every ship we could find.” Begging the few Republic contacts they still might have for ships was out of the question. He couldn’t, and he wouldn’t risk being exposed like this. So this would have to do. And he wasn’t the only one working hard to rebuild ships. Rey was excellent at this, but she, unlike him, stuck to the daytime to work.

            When he’d fixed what he could on the engines with the material they had, he got up. His knees were aching and his shoulders almost groaned when he stretched. He cleaned his hands, getting rid of the engine oil as best he could. Conder wasn’t at his work station anymore, but the glasses were still in the same spot where Poe had put them hours before. The device Conder had been working on was now covered by a piece of cloth. As Poe approached the table, he saw that the glasses were dirty again. So Conder had worn them. With a smile, he picked them up and cleaned them with the corner of the fabric of his shirt. From the corner of his eye he could see the command centre and the three people stationed there, taking notes on recent events and playing cards. For a brief moment he thought that joining them wouldn’t be the worst of ideas, but the thought passed quickly. He should go to bed. Maybe grab some fresh air before that to clear his head.

            As he headed for the door leading outside, he found that Beebee-Ate was following him. “Why don’t you go plug in for the night?” He patted the droid’s domed head, but Beebee-Ate didn’t even pretend to follow his suggestion, following him outside instead. It was weird how attached a droid could get, if their memory wasn’t wiped regularly and Poe hadn’t done that since Muran’s death. It had been the event which had led him to joining the Resistance and Poe hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it, even if he took a risk by doing so. If the astromech ever got into the wrong hands, they’d be screwed. But he liked his droid the way he was. The character his faithful astromech had developed was by far one of the very few good things that had come out of this war. If such a thing was possible.

            Poe breathed in the cool night air and found that Rey was sitting on the porch in front of their building, legs crossed and palms lying upward on her legs. She wasn’t looking at him, but he knew that she must feel his presence. The Force was still something he couldn’t quite grasp and after his one and only encounter with Kylo Ren he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to have to do with it. Whatever it was, it was dangerous, but he was glad that Rey was on their side. It made him feel slightly less terrified of the Order to know that someone capable of opposing the new so-called Supreme Leader was on their side.

            He walked a few steps towards the water, away from Rey, knowing full well she would want to be let alone. She did that often: meditate when everyone else was fast asleep. It had almost become a ritual. Poe would work late into the night and then, when he got back outside, would find Rey meditating.

            But this time things were different. Leia’s grave was clearly visible, even in the dark and a few feet away, at his usual spot, was another person. Poe’s heart missed a beat, when he saw who it was. He would recognise that silhouette everywhere. He drew closer tentatively, Beebee-Ate following in his wake.

            “Mind if I sit down?” Poe asked, and Finn merely shrugged. That was good enough. The rocks were icy cold, but Poe didn’t mind. He took care to sit far away from Finn, so Finn wouldn’t be uncomfortable, but close enough to make himself miserable. He hadn’t talked alone to Finn in a while. Things were complicated.

            They were silent for a while, just staring out at the still lake glistening in the moonlight. Poe picked up one of the flat stones and turned it in his hand, just for something to do. What seemed like a long time ago, he would have thought that sharing a long-awaited moment alone with Finn would make the time fly by, like everything would be easy. But it wasn’t. Not really.

            After a while, Finn sat up straighter and looked at him. It took Poe a moment to return the gaze, and Finn only started talking when he did. “You look tired.”

            Poe shrugged. “So do you. Lots to do.”

            “Hm…” Finn pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “Rey told me you haven’t been sleeping much.”

            “Did she? Well she’s one to talk. And you’re not in bed, either.”

            Finn bit his lip. “Can’t deny that.” He fell quiet then and looked down at his own hands. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when Leia…” he broke off and Poe knew exactly how he must feel. His own chest still felt hollow, but he knew the pain would come soon enough. If he let it.

            “Nothing you could have done. Heck, Rey was here, and she couldn’t do anything.”

            “She’s a Jedi, not a magician.”

            Poe wasn’t sure what the difference was supposed to be. It might just be the choice of words, but he sure as hell couldn’t even begin to fully grasp what it was that made Jedi do the seemingly unnatural. He understood the mechanics, but it didn’t stop him staring at her in wonder when she lifted a heavy object with no effort at all, or he saw her practically soar through the air when she was training. He refused to think of Ren and what he’d done to him. Not now. Instead of contradicting Finn, Poe merely nodded. “What I’m saying is that it happened suddenly, and she was gone within an hour.” The shock of it, of seeing her collapse like that without more of a warning than her looking slightly off. He clenched his hands into fists and shook his head, still unable to believe he’d seen it happen.

            “Yes, I know, but I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye or-“

            “None of us did, Finn.” Poe snapped at him. He didn’t mean to, but it just came over him. He wiped his forehead and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to…” he trailed off. It was all still too fresh. Too unthinkable. And he hated being annoyed at Finn for this! Finn was completely innocent in this. He sighed. “I just can’t believe she’s gone.”

            Out of the corner of his eye he saw Finn nod in agreement. “Neither can I. Not even looking at that kriffing headstone will make me believe it. I’m almost expecting her to walk into the room.”

            Poe nodded and took a deep breath. They’d talked about the mission to Mandalore before. How it had all worked out as planned, a rare piece of news nowadays, but it had made him feel better about the Resistance’s prospects at least. Until he had realised that the Resistance was relying on him now more than ever. And that was why he’d been unable to sleep. But he couldn’t very well tell Finn that. They weren’t close enough and Poe didn’t want to bother him with his own personal problems. “So do I,” he admitted, keeping his fears to himself. “And it’ll take a long time, before that won’t happen anymore.” Heck, he still dreamed of his mother every once in a while. He’d never stopped missing her, and now that he hadn’t spoken to his father in three years, those dreams occurred even more often. He didn’t even know if his father was still alive. He only knew that Yavin IV had been occupied and that it was impossible to even attempt contacting him now. He couldn’t risk exposing the Resistance like this.

            Beebee-Ate beeped softly, bumping into his knee and interrupting is thoughts.

            “What’s up, buddy?” Poe asked, looking down at is droid.

            Beebee-Ate’s head whirled around and next second he had projected Nien Nunb’s face into the air in front of him. “General,” Nunb said, the address making Poe’s insides clench. “We received a message from the rebels on Mandalore. You’d better come see this.”

            Poe nodded.

            “I’ll be there in two minutes.”

Beebee-Ate cut off the contact and beeped accusingly. “I know. Should’ve taken the comm with me.”

“Want me to come along?” Finn asked and Poe nodded absentmindedly.

“Please,” he said. Finn knew who they were dealing with and how to approach them best.

They got up and as they walked back to the house, Poe could see Rose sitting opposite Rey on the porch, eyes closed, hands in Rey’s. They both seemed to be deep in thought, hands clenched tightly around each other’s, knees touching.

Poe flinched, when he felt Finn’s hand on his elbow. The other nodded towards the door of the workshop. “Alright,” Poe said softly, and they made their way into the command centre through there.

Nunb, a Sullust, who had already served for the Rebellion under Leia, was waiting for them at his station and raised his hand in greeting.

“Alright, what’s the message?”

Finn crossed his arms over his chest, staring at the spot where the holo message would be projected. He looked troubled, but he didn’t get a chance to speak up.

A woman, maybe a few years older than him, appeared in front of them, wearing trousers, high polished boots and an ankle length cape stared up at them. He earrings reminded Poe vaguely of sea shells and he thought he recognized them from somewhere, though it was hard to place them.

“General Organa,” her deep voice said calmly, and she folded her hands in front of her. “Thank you for sending aid in our most desperate hour. Your agents and your ships secured us a victory we’ve been working towards for a very long time. But now is not the time to stop fighting, but to move forward. I would like to welcome Commander Dameron on our newly established base for negotiations. Please send us confirmation as soon as possible.”

The message ended, and Poe bit his lip. The policy they had discussed was not to let it be known that Leia had passed away. The time wasn’t quite right yet. He looked at Finn who was frowning.

“You have to go,” Finn said, not a trace of doubt in his voice. “They are powerful potential allies and they requested you personally.”

Poe nodded, unsure of whether it was the best idea to leave their base at this crucial time. But then again, what other choice did he have if he wanted to keep up appearances. He took a deep breath. “Nunb, would you please wake Snap and the others? We have a lot to talk about.”

He wiped his forehead and turned to head towards the centre of the room, where the small technical display was situated. He’d have to go over the latest reports if he wanted to go to Mandalore and negotiate a treaty.

“I’m coming along.”

Poe turned around to see Finn still by his side. “Kriff, you barely make a sound moving.”

Finn nodded, a small smile on his face, which made Poe want to grab his hand. “No, I don’t,” Finn said. “Another good reason for me coming along.”

“Yeah… maybe.” Poe cleared his throat and brushed a hand through his hair. He was tired. So tired. Too exhausted to think about the implications of spending a day aboard a ship with Finn.

“Poe. I’m serious. I’ve met these people and you’re dead on your feet.”

“And you’re wide awake, huh?”

“No, I’m not. But I can’t believe you’re actually refusing help.”

“I’m not refusing help, but-“ He stared at Finn, eyes burning and his breath caught in his chest at the look of anger and exhaustion on Finn’s face. “Fine,” Poe said and nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. No, you’re right.” He’d live. He was used to being professional around Finn after all.


	4. Chapter 4

_Coordinates 06,-099,89_

 

He hadn’t intended on spending most of the flight buried in paperwork, but it was always good to keep track on mission reports, especially now that he had to catch up on Leia’s correspondences. He wiped his brow and lifted his head to look out the viewport. The blue and white whirlwind of hyperspace outside made his head spin. It didn’t use to be this way, but he knew that he should get some sleep. It was important to be well rested when going into negotiations and the last couple of days had been exhausting to say the least.

            He turned his head to see Finn playing Dejarik on a portable board. His opponent, Beebee-Ate, seemed to be losing, which made the droid spit out a few of his most precious curses in Binary.

            “Watch it!” Finn muttered without looking up, chin resting on his fist.

            Poe leaned back to follow the game. He and his father had played fairly regularly back when Poe still lived on Yavin IV, so he knew his way around a Dejarik board. But Finn was excellent. The way he moved the pieces with deliberation and taking his time to think through his next move. He caught Poe’s eye and gave him a crooked smile before finishing Beebe-Ate off with his Monnok, the holographic creature slamming its staff down on Beebee-Ate’s Molotor, before the astromech realized what was happening.

            “Did not see that coming, huh?” Finn grinned at the droid, who beeped miserably and then trilled accusations at Poe.

            “Don’t blame me, buddy,” Poe laughed, poking the droid’s sensor. “He’s smarter than you. Deal with it.”

            Beebee-Ate whirled around to stare at Finn again, who raised an eyebrow at Poe. “What does he want.”

            “Revenge, I suppose.”

            Finn nodded and stretched. “Sure, pal, but I’m getting tired of winning.”

            “You don’t have to stay up, just because I don’t have a healthy work schedule.” Poe looked over his shoulder at the two bunks on either side of the small transport they had taken to get to Mandalore. It didn’t look like much, but the ship was fairly fast and agile, even if it didn’t have any weapons. But with this one they had a good chance of making it through the blockade and to the surface.

            “No, that’s not it.” Finn wiped his neck and leaned back to stare out the window. “Just a bit nervous, I guess.”

            “Why?” Poe asked, putting his datapad down for the first time in hours. “What’s up?”

            Finn shrugged. “It’s just weird… how things worked out? I mean, we got into some serious trouble back on Mandalore, it didn’t go smoothly, but it all worked out just fine… guess I’m not used to things doing that anymore.”

            The last years had changed Finn. He was still daring to the point of recklessness, brave and one of the smartest men Poe had ever met, but he was also more sombre, almost grim at times. He’d gone through more than most beings ever would, but the Finn he’d gotten to know was less optimistic- no, maybe optimistic was the wrong word, but it was hard to find one that would describe the man who had rescued him from the _Finalizer,_ and who had gone off to that daredevil mission to Canto Bight. But of course the setbacks that had followed had made a massive impression on Finn as well. No one in the Resistance had been the same since the catastrophe of D’Qar and Crait. What had changed was that Finn was more determined to fight the Order than ever before. And Poe was grateful to have a man like Finn among his Commanders.

            “I know,” Poe said quietly, looking at the timer in front of him. They still had around nine hours before they had to get ready to drop out of hyperspace. “But it’s not the worst thing to be wary. The Order will have started another assault on Mandalore by now, or at least intensified the blockade.”

            “No wonder they want our help.” Finn sneered and got up. “Sorry, Beebee-Ate. Another time.”

            The droid made his displeasure known, but shut up as soon as Poe held a finger to his lips as Finn moved to one of the bunks at the back of the ship.

            “I thought you were too nervous?”

            “Not nervous… hm… more like uneasy.”

            “Don’t I know it…” Poe said quietly and rubbed his eyes. He’d need glasses himself soon. Eye surgery was out of the question for the Resistance nowadays, their medical resources were scarce and he couldn’t exactly waltz into a hospital to get treated.

            “What did you say?”

            Poe got up, put the datapad down and walked over to the other bunk. Finn was already stretched out on his own, but he looked at Poe. They were maybe one and half metres apart. Not too big of a distance, but surely big enough… he shook his head. “I’ve been uneasy for a while now. Too much going on.” He wiped his eyes again. It was no use telling Finn that, on top of everything, he was constantly worried about his father. It seemed cruel to whine to Finn about how much he missed being able to go there when Finn didn’t even know who his family was.

            Yavin IV and the other inhabited worlds of the Yavin system had surrendered mere weeks after the destruction of the Hosnian system, which in itself was a bit of a miracle. Countless worlds had surrendered straight after the attack, but Yavin had at least held out until the Order had come knocking on their door. His father was bound to hate watching his neighbours fold like they had, but Poe had left him out there, unprotected and unaided, but what could he have done? Mount a rescue mission just to get his father to safety, while every other member of the Resistance was worried about their own family? He couldn’t be that selfish, though he wished he could be. There had been no way for him to reach out to his father and tell him to run, not after Crait, when they had been forced into hiding and any contact to the outside was severely restricted. Poe couldn’t very well use Resistance resources for his own purposes. Not even now. Especially not now.

            “Credit for your thoughts?” Finn smiled.

            Poe snorted and lay down, knowing that if he turned on his side, he’d be staring straight at Finn, making the whole situation far more intimate than it actually was, simply because he hadn’t found the courage to speak up. But what was the point? What point was there in confessing his admiration, his love, when the other side was clearly not interested. He folded his hands over his stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “I-“ he began and cleared his throat, “I don’t know,” he said.

            “You don’t know your own thoughts, man, you need some sleep!”

            Poe couldn’t help but laugh. He closed his eyes, the weight of his own body hitting him all of a sudden. He wouldn’t have been able to open his eyes even if he wanted to.

            “Did you see Rey and Rose?” Finn asked, and under ordinary circumstances Poe would’ve snapped wide awake again, but the humming of the engines had always had this very special effect on him when he was tired. They lulled him to sleep in no time and now that his eyes were closed, he could barely stay awake. He made one single affirmative sound instead.

            “It’s a good start, huh? I mean… Poe, are you listening?”

            Poe grunted again. “Kinda,” he said quietly. Rey. Rose. He remembered them sitting on the porch, holding hands. “They’re a couple?” A couple… they… Poe blinked, his heart skipping a beat.

            “I don’t know,” Finn admitted and the smile in his voice was obvious.  “I guess? First I thought Rey was just starting to train her.”

            “Train her?” Poe sat up, weariness suddenly forgotten. “You mean…”

            “I suppose…” Finn shrugged. “But… I don’t know. They spend so much time together, don’t you think?”

            Poe swallowed hard. “I have no idea,” he said, his voice croaky. “To be honest, I’m not paying too much attention to… to that.” He was trying to not see Rose, if he was honest and he hated it. Not since he had seen how close Finn and Rey were. It was a form of self-preservation. So, of course, he hadn’t realized that Rose and Rey seemed to have formed a connection. “I’ll take your word for it… hang on, does that mean she has the Force, too?”

            Finn raised his eyebrows. “You really didn’t know?”

            Poe blushed and fell back on his mattress again. “No…” he said quietly. “And, yes, I feel ridiculous. I should have.”

            “Like you said: too much going on.” Finn was quiet for a moment, before he started speaking again: “Do you like her? Rose?”

            The question made his insides clench. He stared up at the ceiling again, doing his best to keep his breathing as normal as possible. “No… not like that.”

            “Huh…” Finn said. “Thought you did. The way you avoid looking at her.”

            Poe swallowed hard. His mouth was dry. He licked his lips. “No, that’s not it. Nothing to fear from me, buddy.”

            “I-“ Finn broke off, but Poe didn’t dare look at him, terrified what looking at Finn might do to him now. “Well, like I said, I think she’s with Rey.”   

            It sounded like he was genuinely happy about this. It would still take some time for Poe to process that they had another possible Jedi in the Resistance. The fact that Rey and Rose might be in a romantic relationship was a bit of a relief to him. The problem was that he had no idea what to make of Finn’s tone of voice.

 

The controls were signalling him that it was about time to drop out of hyperspace. They had maybe three minutes to go. Poe put the mug of caf down, stretched and took his seat. He missed flying so much that even getting to steer this ship was exhilarating. It almost made him forget what Finn had told him, before he’d fallen into a sleep so deep he almost hadn’t heard Beebee’s attempts to wake him up.

            “Alright, buddy,” Poe said, removing the datacard from his pad and holding it out to the droid, “Wanna keep these safe for me?”

            Beebee trilled an affirmative and allowed Poe to place the datacard into one of the unused tool compartments.

            “Thanks.”

            “How much longer?” Finn slipped into the co-pilot’s seat and stretched.

            “I’m dropping us out in about a minute.”

            Finn leaned back with a nod.

            “So, what do you really think of these Mandalorians?” Poe asked. Finn had been professional in his report before, but there had been no excitement, when they’d gotten the message about having to go to Mandalore for negotiations. Poe had never been there, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the planet’s history. Of the civil wars, which had destroyed so much of the planet’s surface that it had been inhospitable until roughly five years ago, when New Republic scientists had discovered a way to clean the atmosphere. The process wasn’t completed yet, but the air was more or less breathable nowadays, even if the soil outside the protected domes was still infertile. Had the Republic not perished, the planet might have joined this new coalition, but things had turned out differently. Now, at least, they were fighting back the oppressors of the First Order and Poe wasn’t quite sure what to make of this offer of an alliance. Mandalore had been on friendly terms with the Republic, but never a member. So why would they reach out to the Resistance, who was known to be Republic friendly, to say the least?

            “I think they’re desperate for help.”

            “As are we,” Poe muttered, keeping an eye on the countdown.

            “As are we. But I don’t know if we should throw all our weight into this fight. It’s just one planet and we barely have any resources ourselves.”

            Poe nodded. “Exactly what I was thinking.” They’d agreed to send help to Mandalore to form connections, this connection to be honest, but no one knew how far this cooperation could go. “But maybe we can form an alliance of sorts. If we ever find other worlds, or other organisations willing to join and-“ the signal interrupted him and Poe let the ship slide out of hyperspace. The white and blue stripes outside fell back into stars and before them, still far away so they could slip away if necessary, was the planet Mandalore, orbited by five Resurgent class Star Destroyers. Poe took a deep breath and activated the cloak. The display in front of him showed the net, which the blockade droids had wrapped around the surface to detect any intruder which couldn’t be picked up by the Star Destroyers’ sensors. If they so much as grazed one of the beams, the Order would know exactly where they were. They’d only just recovered the cloaking device from an ancient ship, which had been used briefly in the Clone Wars. It had been repaired to the best of their knowledge, and had helped the Resistance get off of Mandalore  once before, but that didn’t mean things would work out to their advantage today.

            “They didn’t spot us last time,” Finn said and Poe nodded

            “I know, pal, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t figure out what happened here before.” He was just glad they had only come in this one ship. An X-Wing escort would have been far too conspicuous at this point. Too many ships to keep safe.

            “Just saying.”

            “I know.”

            Finn had become a good co-pilot and Poe was glad he had company manoeuvring through this minefield of TIEs and Star Destroyers, glad he wasn’t the one responsible for keeping an eye on the energy consumed by the cloak, while they weaved in and out of the net created by the recon droids. He loved flying, but sneaking through this maze of red wasn’t nearly as much fun as it would have been in his old X-Wing. Beebee-Ate made a soft noise, but Poe ignored the worried tone. “Just trust me, buddy,” he breathed, as he turned the ship in a soft angle to get through a particularly tight square of red. He had to keep his eye on the map laid out in front of him and just for a brief second thought that he’d have to compliment Conder on the work he’d put into the system, when he heard Finn curse and his finger was about to slip from the controls.

            “Something’s drawing power from the cloaking device,” Finn said, his voice calm.

            “Check that out, Beebee-Ate,” Poe muttered, holding on to the controls more firmly. This ship wasn’t an extension of his body, like _Black One_ had been. “Damn, I miss my old starfighter,” he whispered, as he turned the ship one hundred and eighty degrees to pass the last few droids. They were so close to one of the Star Destroyers, that he barely had any room to move, but he slipped past just fine. He took a deep breath, ignoring how close the viewports of the Destroyer’s bridge still were, when Beebee-Ate screeched in alarm.

            “Cloak’s gone!” Finn shouted.

            “Well, that’s just perfect…”

            And of course the First Order didn’t even need to contact them to figure out they had no business being here. Of course the swarm of TIEs was at their heels before Poe could even begin to accelerate. “Beebee-Ate, give me all we have. Divert all power we don’t need to the-“ The explosion shook the entire ship, but years of training kicked in, before he could even begin to tremble. And luckily the droid knew exactly what he needed. He swerved in and out of the next laser salvos, knowing full well that the hyperspace generator was gone. The place where the thing was located was far too easy to access.

            Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Finn’s hands fly over the controls, stabilizing the thrusters and pulling up a map of the planet. “The base is almost on the other side of the planet.”

            Poe took a deep breath, as he rushed into the atmosphere and straight towards the surface. Down there they might at least have a chance of hiding. The Order had sent an entire squad after them and he knew all too well that they didn’t have much time, before they were done for. “Well, Finn, it was nice knowing you.” He hissed, ignoring the sinking feeling, when he swerved to the right to avoid a TIE rushing right at them. The cliffs below were drawing ever nearer and he caught his breath. Should they even risk getting out of the ship? Getting caught? He threw a quick look at Beebee-Ate. He really shouldn’t have brought the data files along. This would never have happened to Leia.

            “Don’t say that!” Finn said, punching him in the shoulder, as Poe pulled at the controls, making the ship soar upward and then straight back into a nose-dive, heading straight for the canyons.

            “Just saying. Hope you don’t hate me for this, but I intend on crashing this thing, before they can catch us.”

            “No, fine by me.”

            Poe didn’t even blink, as he rushed the ship towards the ground, allowing himself only a brief moment to think of his father, the Resistance… and Finn… the man beside him.

            “Finn, I-“

            Beebee-Ate howled in triumph and the light in Finn’s centre console flashed green. The cloak was back on.

            Poe took a deep breath and nodded. “Alright. We can do this.” He bit his lip as he swerved sharply to the right, almost knocking into one of the TIEs. Almost, but not quite. They still knew he was there, heck, they could probably even trace him and- the ship shuddered again, as they were hit, once more, but the cloak remained intact.

            “Just the landing gear!” Finn shouted.

            “We can do without that, I suppose…” They still had around ten TIEs following them, the others must have drifted off to search somewhere else, in case they got away. “I’m gonna go down,” Poe said. “See if we can lose them in the canyons.”

            “Poe, are you sure that’s the best idea?”

            “You got another one?”

            Without waiting for an answer, he rushed down, concentrating hard on not crashing into the giant boulders reaching up from the ground like spears. There was no time to say anything else and no time to think. He could only react, rushing through the canyons, turning left and right, hoping to lose the TIEs. He rushed through a space with a wide opening overhead, unwilling to come up yet.

            “The engines are draining too much power, Poe! We’re gonna lose the cloak again, if you keep this up!”

            “Okay,” he rushed into a narrow opening, swerving upward as he entered it and grazing the edge of the canyon. He could only hope no one had noticed, as he decelerated and flew low to the ground over the softly rising hills. But no one followed. Yet. “How’s the cloak?”

            “Stable…” Finn said. “I think we’re good.”

            Poe let out a breath and allowed his shoulders to relax. “That was close… do they know where the base is? What do you think?”

            “Don’t think so. We blew up the compound and got back to the base without being traced.”

            “Alright.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and nodded. “Time to meet the potential allies and hope they have the equipment to repair our hyperdrive.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short interlude. I'm already working on the next (longer) chapter
> 
> Warnings for depiction of violence and death!

_Yavin IV_

 

The eerie silence in the streets was something Kes didn’t even notice anymore as he walked towards his speeder. He had sold the produce he didn’t have to give to the First Order and had even made a small profit. Enough for him to get some much needed supplies from the local black market. Going there was risky in itself, but the special fertilizer he needed was hard to come by these days and he craved chocolate more than anything.

            Going to the abandoned warehouse on the outskirts was worth it sometimes.

            It was dark by now and he only had a few minutes left until curfew. He’d have to be out of town by then. He picked up speed, keeping his head down as he passed the street where the butcher’s shop had been. Ever since that incident, the shop had been cleared, the family “relocated to a place, where they could recover from shock”. It was all too clear what that word meant. Everyone knew it, but nobody talked about it. Being relocated meant being placed in detention so as not to upset the morale.

            Kes huffed in disapproval, the only sign he allowed himself to show of his anger at the First Order. He wasn’t a young man anymore and even if he somehow found a way to the Resistance, he wouldn’t be any use to them. He wasn’t a pathfinder nowadays. He had a bad hip and the military knowledge he had, the experience he had gained, was nothing in comparison to that of General Organa and all the other veterans still serving under her.

            Looking to his left was no option. He had no desire seeing the limp form of the boy hanging there again, the slight breeze making it swing slightly from side to side like a grotesque wind chime. Seeing the kid on his way towards the black market had been enough and he hated that there was nothing he could do about it. The few people still in the marketplace kept their heads down, much like he did and he didn’t look up to greet one of them. Hurrying home was the only thing he could worry about at this point.

            He reached the speeder, an ancient vehicle with black and yellow stripes, a visual addition Poe had made before he’d gone off to serve the Republic. The argument they’d had about Poe doing this without even talking about it with Kes first, had been forgotten quickly though. The first few years, Poe had barely ever managed to make it home and the time Kes had to spend waiting for a message had been excruciating. But of course, Poe had been busy and he did comm in at least once every fortnight. He came home a couple of times a year, but the time he’d had to spend apart from his son had made him forget about the fight fairly quickly. The colourful additions had been a friendly reminder of his boy every day instead. And then Poe had graduated, he’d risen in the ranks of the Republic and then of the Resistance. Things became tougher for Poe, but he managed to get home more often. Heck, he’d even brought home a boyfriend once, but hadn’t spoken of him again afterwards.

            The silence nowadays was almost unbearable.

            Kes stuffed his purchases behind his seat and got into the speeder, glad he’d parked with his back to the gallows in the middle of the marketplace. He wouldn’t have to come back here for at least another week. That was something. He started the engine and within minutes he had left the town behind him, just as curfew made everyone shut their doors and windows. He’d be home within half an hour. He’d be able to forget this place for a while, simply by not being forced to see it.

            He pushed on, hurrying to get home.

            The road to the outlying farms was wider now, made so by the First Order and their lackeys going there regularly in their transports to collect the produce. He could go faster than ever before, but the speed didn’t manage give him the jolt of excitement he’d felt before when coming home. His house was empty now.

            He rushed out of the forest twenty minutes later, approaching his farm quickly, but he didn’t see the dark shape of the speeder following him.


	6. Chapter 6

_Mandalore_

 It had been a rough trip. Shortly before they had arrived at the base hidden deep within a system of caves and canyons, they had lost one engine and Poe doubted the ship could be repaired anytime soon. Beebee-Ate had stayed on the ship to do what he could, but the droid hadn’t exactly sounded optimistic. They’d need spare parts and who could tell if the rebels on this base would be able to provide them and at what cost.

            But that was something he couldn’t worry about now. He caught Finn’s eye, before they walked down the ramp. The sky above wasn’t clearly visible from here, most of it hidden from view by the cliffs reaching up left and right of the compound, but the narrow stretch of sky he could see was tinted pink by the shield holding back the poisonous atmosphere. This part of Mandalore clearly wasn’t fit for habitation yet, which was likely one of the reasons why the rebels had set up base here.

            The official waiting for them, wasn’t the woman who had sent the message, but a rather small human male with thin lips and bright blue eyes. A gash across his cheek was still half covered by a bacta strip. He greeted Finn with a smile Poe hadn’t expected. “It’s good to have you back, Finn,” he said and nodded once.

            “Good to see you too, Wiigr.”

            “You must be Commander Dameron.” The man called Wiigr turned towards Poe and the smile didn’t vanish as he stretched out his hand. Poe nodded and shook the other man’s hand.

            “Thank you for inviting us,” he said.

            “I see your ship has suffered some damage?”

            “Yes, but we shook them off before we even turned in your direction. Could you maybe help us out with some minor spare parts?”

            “I suppose…” Wiigr frowned and Poe could see that he wasn’t too pleased being asked for a favour straight away. “Our mechanics are mostly busy repairing our own equipment, though.”

            “Don’t worry, my astromech is already working on it. After our talks, Finn and I can work on the ship as well. We won’t trouble you more than we need to to get out of your hair.”

            Wiigr nodded once, but the smile had vanished from his lips. “Follow me.”

            As they walked through towards the compound, Poe noticed that a few tents had been set up along the wide path leading up towards the three storey building. He spotted a few mechanics sitting in these tents, busy working on spare parts or repairing the odd droid here and there. The setup seemed strange, but when they entered the dark hangar, he could see why the mechanics preferred working outside: the inside hangar was stuffy to say the least. From entering the compound for the first time, he would never have been able to tell how many speeders, starfighters and parts of shuttles had been crammed inside. There was next to no room to move around. He threw a look at Finn, who merely shrugged. The look on his face told him all too clearly, that their attack had worked out despite this apparent chaos.

            And Finn was right, of course, it was none of his business to comment on the state of organization around here. They must have their reasons, after all. They climbed a set of metal spiral stairs and walked through a narrow door leading into a command centre, which looked almost like the one on Crait had. It was obvious this room had been built for this purpose, but also that the equipment here was rather rudimentary at best. His eye wandered over the beings assembled here and he wasn’t too surprised that most of them were humans. The only aliens he could see were a couple of Twi’leks, which came as no surprise. The people of Ryloth had suffered greatly under the Empire and now, that the First Order was more or less ruling the entire galaxy, they were sold into slavery by thousands. Quite a few of the new recruits to the Resistance came from Ryloth these days and it was no big surprise they had joined the rebels here on Mandalore as well.

            But no one looked up as the trio entered and walked the length of the room towards a metal door, shielding the room behind it from view. As they entered, Poe’s eyes fell on the woman who had appeared in the hologram. Her light blue eyes scanned first Finn, then him with an intensity he had seen only ever in Leia’s gaze. She was sizing them up, determining how honest they would be with her. Wiigr walked over to stand behind her, hands folded behind his back. Fays Kryze was the leader of this rebel cell, and Poe hadn’t been surprised to find that she was one of the few last descendants of the Kryze clan, which had ruled over Mandalore for many generations before and during the Clone Wars.

            “Commander Finn, Commander Dameron,” she nodded once, before pointing to the chairs by the long, oval table dominating the centre of the room.

            “Miss Kryze, thank you for inviting us,” he said, sitting down.

            “How is General Organa? We were surprised to hear back from you and not her.”

            Poe only barely managed to keep his features from slipping. He had expected this question, but it still hurt. “She was on a mission to one of our other outpost, when your message reached us,” he said quietly. “I’m fully authorized to negotiate in her place.” Finn’s knee bumped against his, but Poe didn’t react. He knew he had to keep it down.

            She nodded. “We managed a significant blow against the First Order, thanks to you.”

            Poe held up his hand. “As far as Finn told me, you are very efficient on your own already.”

            “We are,” she conceded, “but you must know that an operation this small can only go so far in defeating an enemy as big as this one.”

            “I believe the main problem is that the Order is now especially focused on getting the system under their control,” Finn said, leaning back in his chair. “Their blockade is enormous, if Poe wasn’t such a brilliant pilot, I doubt we would’ve made it through.”

            Poe threw him a glance out of the corner of his eye.

Finn wasn’t looking at him, but at Kryze, his face set in an unreadable mask. He tapped his finger on the table top and shook his head. “What are your plans now?”

“To talk to you. _How_ far did the General authorize you to negotiate with us?” Kryze tapped her fingertips on the polished metal in front of her. “That will be crucial.”

“Like I said, we have all the authority we need,” Poe said. “But you should know that most of the big decisions still go through a panel of the highest ranking officers.”

Kryze nodded, jaw set. She wasn’t satisfied with his evasive answer. Poe felt his insides churn. He had a bad feeling about this woman. She seemed too approachable for his liking, especially in her situation, but at the same time she gave nothing away.

“We could do with some extra supplies.”

 _Not just you,_ Poe thought grimly, but he nodded. “This base must be getting small for you guys here,” he said instead. “We could help you relocate, maybe to another planet, where you’ll be less watched. If we break through the blockade and-“

“We’re not leaving our people,” she said decidedly, her tone sharp and her eyes flashing. “And you have the backing of the Republic! If anyone has the resources-“

“The Republic is dead, in case you hadn’t noticed. The few systems that are left-“

“Don’t think I don’t know about the steady cash flow to the Resistance, Commander.”

Poe fell silent and his mouth went dry. How had she found out about that? It was true, they still received a small sum from a few generous donors from within the Republic, but mostly because they were old contacts of Leia’s and the money they got barely managed to keep their personnel fed and their ships fuelled. Kryze knew about the credits, but not the exact sum by the looks of it. He cursed himself for showing so clearly how much this revelation had taken him aback. And he had no idea how open he could be with her now.

“How powerful do you think the Resistance still is, Kryze,” Finn asked with a frown. “You must know what happened after Starkiller.”

Kryze shrugged, just as a bright red light started flashing above the door to the control room. “I’ll leave it to you how open you want to be with me, Commander Finn.” She got up. “Excuse me, gentlemen.”

Poe and Finn didn’t ask what could be so urgent now, as she stepped out of the room, but one exchange of looks was all Poe needed to understand that Finn thought the call for Kryze had come at the most convenient moment possible. Wiigr tapped the comm receiver in his ear and nodded at Poe and Finn.

“If you’d follow me, I’ll show you to your quarters.”

“Quarters?” Poe asked, lifting an eyebrow and exchanging yet another look with Finn, “I didn’t expect we’d be assigned those.”

Wiigr didn’t comment but opened a door at the far back of the room. It swung open on hinges, which indicated just how old this complex must be. Poe didn’t look at Finn again and refused to put his hand on the blaster strapped to his leg as he followed Wiigr’s invitation, Finn right at his heels.

“This happened the last time as well,” Finn said quietly. “It takes some preparation to hide the base properly, if their sensors pick up First Order activity in the vicinity.”

Which wasn’t exactly reassuring, Poe thought, but he had to concede, that they might have left a trail leading here nonetheless. Why they wouldn’t want them inside the command centre if they wanted to be allies only left him with two possible explanations: either they were screwing them over big time, the Order or bounty hunters employed by the Order came to mind, or, and that was the more reassuring option, they didn’t trust them yet. Which was fair, considering Poe didn’t trust them either,

“These are regular drills,” Wiigr explained, pushing past them to lead the way along a metal bridge stretching along the ceiling of the crammed hangar below. “They take a while, but she’ll be with you as soon as they’re done. I suppose after that long flight you’ll be happy to relax a bit?”

Poe held back a comment. There was nothing relaxing about being stuck on a base and being left in the dark like this, but he needed to cooperate. For now. At least until they knew what they were up against. If they were indeed up against anything at this point. But he’d never stopped trusting his gut feeling and for good reason.

They followed Wiigr down another set of stairs and into a part of the base, which seemed to hold most of the sleeping quarters. The long corridor stretching out in front of them looked a whole lot like hundreds of military barracks he’d lived in throughout his life and they smelled a lot like it, too. That strange smell of disinfectant coming from the semi-public bathrooms combined with the staleness of air that wasn’t filtered all that often during the daytime hit him like it did every time. At least they weren’t escorted to the prison block, he thought. That ought to count for something.

Wiigr led them to a room close to the staircase and when the door slipped open, Poe saw that this small room with its two bunks had a private bathroom attached to it. Obviously this room was reserved for higher ranking officers. He nodded at Wiigr, before following Finn inside.

They looked at each other and without another word, as soon as the door closed, started searching the room for bugs. Poe ran his hands under the cots, flipped the covers of the beds and checked the pillows while Finn took a closer look at the appliances in the bathroom. When he came back a few minutes later and nodded, Poe heaved a relieved sigh. “I hate having to be this paranoid,” he muttered.

Finn nodded. “I know. But I guess you’re thinking the same thing I am?” He sat down on one of the cots and wiped his neck. He looked exhausted. He usually did, when he had some time to wind down.

“If you’re thinking that the people here are behaving strangely, then yes.”

“Well, not strange exactly, but…”

“Yeah…”

Poe let himself fall down on the other cot. It was far too soft for his liking. “I just hope they don’t look too closely at Bee.”

“Why’d you take the files along anyway?”

Poe shrugged. He turned his head to look at Finn. “Guess I missed the excitement?” He flashed Finn a grin. “The files I took aren’t too sensitive, but still. What’s going on in the Resistance is none of their business.” He shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t like how strong they’re coming on to us. They were quite demanding last time, but this is different. Back then we were under a lot of time pressure.”

“To be fair, we’re always under pressure these days. Everyone is.”

Finn looked at his hands, rubbing his thumb over the palm of the other hand with a scowl.

“You okay, buddy?” Poe sat up again and only realized then, that the bunks were so close together that their knees touched.

“I am,” Finn said quietly before rubbing his legs. “Just a bit nervous, you know?”

Poe nodded and only barely held himself back from reaching out and touching Finn’s hands, which were so close to his own now.  “So am I,” he admitted. “But this isn’t a prison cell, so I guess we’re good?” He grinned slightly even though he didn’t feel it yet.

Finn looked up at him and the smile on his lips was genuine. “Well then, General,” he said, “when do we start getting nervous for real?”

Poe laughed. “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of yet the chapter is more or less unedited so you're still gonna find typos and stuff. I just wanted to post but I also felt kind of sick ;). Hope you enjoy it!!

_Mandalore_

 

Poe desperately wished he hadn’t brought his chrono with him. Every few minutes he found himself looking at the device attached to his wrist and every single time he cursed himself for it. He wasn’t calm. Far from it. He hated being stuck somewhere without being able to influence what was going to happen next.

            Finn obviously tried not to be too disturbed by Poe’s uneasiness. He’d leaned back against the wall of his bunk and had closed his eyes. A clear sign that he didn’t want to talk. Was he sleeping already? Poe doubted it. With a scoff, he got up and started pacing the small room. It took him only three steps to pass the distance between Finn’s knees and the door.

Three steps towards the door, three steps back to Finn.

Door.

Finn.

Door.

Finn.

The thing that bothered him about pacing was that it didn’t keep his mind occupied. Far from it. It even seemed to spur on his brain to come up with ever less likely scenarios of what was happening outside. Kryze forming an alliance with Supreme Leader Ren at this very moment wasn’t even too farfetched, he thought. She might just buy herself and all her people free in exchange for Finn and himself… but what use would that be? She must know that the First Order would destroy the entire base on the spot. Any sort of rebellion needed to be extinguished in their eyes. The Empire had been bad already, but the Order didn’t even pretend to have democratic elements. The Empire at least had maintained the pretence of a Senate…

“Would you please sit down already? You’ve already marched a trench in the concrete.”

Poe froze, and he looked at Finn, who was still sitting there with his eyes closed and his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re funny,” Poe smiled.

“Yeah, well, about time you realized that, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” Poe sat down again and crossed his legs, so his knees didn’t touch Finn’s. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing much. I was trying to sleep, you know?”

“I don’t believe that,” Poe said. “You’re always thinking about something.”

“Not when I’m sleeping, General.”

Poe scoffed and wiped his brow. “I’m sorry I-“ he frowned at Finn, only now realizing that Finn had managed to get him talking without revealing anything himself. “I’m just nervous.”

Finn’s dry laugh was all he needed to relax his shoulders somewhat. “No kidding!” He opened his eyes then. They’d grown older over the past few years, Poe realized then. They had always been older than they should have been, those eyes, but only now did he see how grief had made them age even more. There were no crows’ feet (=?°=!) in the corners of his eyes, Finn’s hair was still as black as it had always been, but they were more sombre now. Despite the smile.

“I’m sorry we’re stuck here.”

“Not your fault, is it? They wouldn’t have behaved any differently to anyone else they sent, and you had to come. Not unless you wanted to let the galaxy know about Leia.”

Poe nodded. “I know. Still… this sucks. The negotiations won’t go anywhere and it’s just frustrating.” He rubbed his forehead. Leia had taught her all she could about politics. About negotiations, but he still yearned to be back in a cockpit, instead of down here, worrying about his next steps in a world where every single wrong word could lead to disaster.

“You don’t know that,” Finn with a shake of his head. “And you should stop this. It’s no use worrying about what’s going to happen next like this. You should listen to your gut.”

Poe snorted. His gut had been wrong before, but he saw what Finn was getting at. “You know, we’re not locked in here, are we? So, it can’t be too bad. Nothing but consideration and decency keeping us here.”

With a smirk, Finn sat up straight. “I must say, I like the way you think.” He laughed softly and leaned back. Of course, they wouldn’t sneak out of the room. They couldn’t risk losing what little trust their hosts bestowed upon them, but this trust also meant that they were safe. For the time being. They could always start worrying later on. Poe took the comm out of his pocket and pressed the button in the centre.

“You okay out there, buddy?” he asked and watched as Finn lay down on the bunk, his shirt shifting slightly so it revealed a slight part of his belly. Not a bad view at all.

Beebee-Ate’s affirmative chirping pulled him back to the ground in an instant.

“Anything you need?”

The droid’s angry beeps contained all the answers he needed. “Alright, aright, I get that. Listen, tell those people up there helping you what you need. But can you get the ship running again?”

A long whistle, which clearly indicated a “Maybe, if these idiots get out of my way,” made Poe smile.

“I have total faith in you, okay? I’ll see you soon. We’re still… busy” They weren’t but the droid didn’t need to know that while he was working like crazy to get the ship up and running again, they were merely lounging about “We’ll help you as soon as we can.”

The next few sounds Beebee-Ate made, made Poe blush. He couldn’t discern all the words Bee threw at him in binary, but the meaning behind the chirps and beeps were all too clear. _Should never have told him about that crush…_ “Shut up and get back to work, Beebee,” he gave back und turned the comm back off.

“What was that all about?” Finn asked, turning his head towards Poe, who merely shrugged.

“Loose wires… I don’t know.” He crossed his arms and did his beast not to look at Finn. Surely Finn would discover what was really going on inside of him and that would only make matters infinitely worse. Poe couldn’t risk losing the fragile friendship he and Finn had managed to maintain and he sure as hell couldn’t lose the trust Finn might still have in him, by showing Finn all too clearly that he hadn’t gotten over the crush yet.

“You never talk about Bee like that, though.”

Poe shrugged. “He’s old… I should ask Rose or Conder to take a look at him one of these days.” _Maybe wipe his memory before he runs off to Finn to tell him what he doesn’t need to know._ But he knew he wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t.

“Where’d you get him anyway?” Finn asked, as though he’d read his thoughts. “You never told me. None of the other pilots who were in the Republic’s Navy before joining up with the Resistance brought their own droid.”

“Yeah… well… I kind of sneaked Bee into the Navy with me,” he said quietly, looking at his hands now. “He’s a fairly old model of a Beebee-unit…my… my mom ordered him shortly before she passed away. She was crazy about astromechs, even though we didn’t really need one at the farm. And then… well… he and I became friends… partners even.” He smiled softly. The droid had been a comfort to him, when not even his father’s embrace had been. He couldn’t take it, crying in front of his father. He tried to act as though nothing was wrong, hating himself for it, every step of the way. When his grandfather, his aunt, his cousins turned up to be with them on his mother’s birthday and his father had started crying, Poe had merely stood by as his family consoled his father. He’d been unable to cry in front of his father, unable to speak of his mother, of the pain he felt like a stabbing sensation deep inside his chest every time her name fell.

His father had coped. Alone.

Poe hadn’t. But he’d been even more lonely.

And then, one day, this one shipment had arrived. The astromech his mother had ordered half a year before her death, long before anyone had known she wouldn’t survive the pregnancy. The astromech she’d pre-ordered… Poe had set it up, and soon the droid followed him wherever he went, had listened to him, had watched him cry for the first time in months. He was still alone in his grief, but not without comfort. As the years passed, Poe had managed to open up towards his father. It was still hard to talk about it, heck, he believed his father still thought he didn’t miss his mother as much as he did but talking about it was still hard. At least to his father. Words failed him there.

“Beebee-Ate has always been a bit different from the other droids,” Finn said with a smile. “Like… you know. More like a dog than a droid.”

Poe laughed. “I suppose, he is. But thanks for calling him my dog, not my kid.”

A knock on the door made him look up. He exchanged a quick glance with Finn, before they both got up. “Come in!” he shouted at the door before it slid open. But it wasn’t Wiigr. It wasn’t even a being. Just a server droid, carrying a tray.

“Miss Kryze asked me to bring this to you,” it said in a mechanical, male voice, not unlike See-Threepio’s. “Enjoy.” It held out its long, spindly arms and at the push of a button, four legs extended from the tray unto the ground, so it became a table.

“Any idea when we can come back out again?” Finn asked frowning.

“The lockdown of the base will only last an hour longer, or so,” The server droid said, before rolling out again without another word. As the door closed behind it, Poe approached the tray. There was a pitcher with some sort of pink liquid, two cups, two plates filled with some sort of grain and vegetables and a yellowish sauce on top, and a small bowl of chocolates. Not too bad, he thought, grabbing one of the chocolates and putting it in his mouth. He pulled a face.

“Is it poisoned?” Finn asked, rushing forward and extending his hands, touching Poe’s torso, worry clearly visible on his face.

Poe shook his head, as he tried to ignore how close Finn was to him, how easy it would be to just wrap him in his arms… if he hadn’t  been too terrified. Of embarrassing himself. Of breaking this friendship… “It’s just disgusting… and old.” It seemed almost dry in his mouth, the fruit filling almost hard as stone. What the hell was this? He reached for another chocolate and put it between his lips. “But it’s still sweet, so that’s something.”

Finn laughed and let go of Poe, albeit a bit too late. Or was he imagining it? Finn looked at the plates and nodded appreciatively. “Looks good. Whatever that sauce is…”

“It’s made with eggs and butter and citrus juice. It’s really good. My dad makes the best, though I think this one comes straight from a fancy packet.”

“We never have it at the base.”

Poe shrugged and swallowed the disgusting chocolate. “A lot of people hate it, so it’s not exactly a priority when we buy rations.”

Finn reached for a plate and cutlery and sat down again. “Might as well eat.”

“Might as well eat,” Poe agreed. The food was good. Not fresh, but good. And Finn seemed to like it as well. In fact, Finn looked happy with pretty much whatever food you put in front of him, as long as it wasn’t porridge or ration bars.

“Can you make this sauce?” Finn asked, and Poe shook his head with a smile.

“No, it always clots when I make it. It’s pretty disgusting. I prefer getting a packet. Or ask my dad to make it…” He stopped chewing for a moment, thinking of his father. Of what he must be doing just now. It was almost harvest season on Yavin IV. How big was Kes Dameron’s farm today? Had the Order confiscated it yet? Was his father even able to work all the fields by himself? He needed to figure out a way to find out. He really needed his father to get out of there…but how? How could he do that without risking anyone’s life? He’d have to do it himself, he thought. Somehow, he’d have to make sure there was someone left on the base, someone he could put in charge, while he got his father to safety. But who?

He looked up at Finn. Yes, probably him. He’d proven himself more than once this last month alone, he was a brilliant strategist and devoted to the Resistance.

“So…” Finn said quietly in between two spoonfuls of grain. “You think Beebee-Ate is a bit like your kid?”

Poe coughed and almost choked on his grain. He certainly got some into his nose. He reached for the napkin and blew his nose. “No?”

“Does anyone else? I mean, why else would you say it?”

“Say what?”

“ _Thanks for calling him my dog, not my kid_ , _”_ Finn repeated his own words back at him. “That’s what you said.”

“Just saying a lot of people think I am too fond of him.” Poe shrugged, eyes fixed on his food. “Can’t help it. And I won’t change in that respect.”

“I mean, it’s a good thing, right? Showing you care? Even for a droid?” Finn paused a moment and nothing but the sound of his spoon scraping over the surface of the plate could be heard. “So, do you want kids?”

Frowning, Poe looked up and he was grateful he didn’t have any food in his mouth. Finn wasn’t looking at him, but at his plate, shovelling the food from one corner to the other with his spoon. “You mean if I survive this madness, which isn’t all that likely?”

Finn’s mouth twitched up on a semi-smile as he looked up at him. “You think so? You think we’re not gonna make it?”

Poe scoffed. “Not according to Threepio. He’s crazy about the odds.”

“Hm… yeah… I mean… he’s a bit of an angsty sadist that way. He’s not wrong, but even if we lose, we don’t all necessarily need to die, right?” He smiled sadly. “Believe me, I want to win, but I also don’t necessarily want to die if it can be helped.”

Ten years ago, Poe would’ve gotten angry at these words, but things had changed. He didn’t think death was the only way out if they lost. Not necessarily. He’d die for his friends, for his father, for each and every innocent being if he could. If it helped, but he wouldn’t die for the sake of it. Not if he could help it. But could he? “I don’t see a way of out that right now to be honest,” he said with a smile, “but if, by some miracle, we make it out of this alive, if we win…” he sighed, “Why the hell not? I’d like a normal life… fly public transports for a living… get a dog for Beebee-Ate to play with, find a nice guy, have a kid or two.” He smiled vaguely, hoping he didn’t blush. His face was hot, so he’d probably failed in that respect.

“Huh,” Finn said and nodded. “Sounds nice,” he said quietly, all the while pushing his food around on the plate with his spoon.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to put you off your food.”

“No, I asked,” he coughed. “So, I take it you haven’t found anyone worth having children with, yet, then?”

“Are you flirting with me?” It was out before he could stop himself and Finn’s face shot up, a sudden gleam in his eyes Poe only barely spotted before it was gone again. Was… was Finn actually flirting with him? His mouth was so dry all of a sudden… far too dry. He put down his plate and got up to pour himself some juice, or whatever the hell that pink liquid was. “No offense,” Poe said quietly, before he gave one of the filled cups to Finn who took it with shaky hands.

Finn shrugged. “What if I was, I’m a little out of practice, you know?”

Poe couldn’t help but laugh, but he quickly hid his blush by taking a huge gulp. “Believe me, so am I.” He’d better let the subject drop. This was not the right place, nor the right time to talk about this. Given the current state of affairs it might never be. But he couldn’t quite help asking: “What about you? Before you mentioned this thing with Rose and Rey, I thought you were…” They’d never talked about this sort of thing and for good reason. This terrain was far too dangerous.

Finn shook his head. “Nah,” he said, “Not too much into girls, to be honest.” He avoided looking at Poe, whose heart was throbbing painfully in his chest by now.

He remained standing, unwilling to move closer to Finn. He took a deep breath, thinking that he really should end the conversation here and now, that this was getting far too dangerous. “Nothing wrong with that,” he managed to croak and just as he was about to say something that could possibly make him forget they’d ever talked about this, the door alarm sounded, and it slid open. He took a deep breath and turned around. Wiigr was standing in the corridor outside, his face expressionless.

“We’re ready for you.” It sounded rather like being called in to a particularly nasty medical exam than an invitation to another round of negotiation, but Poe was eternally grateful the man had turned up now.

“False alarm?” Finn asked, getting up himself and Wiigr shook his head.

“Not quite. There was a scouting party nearby and it took a while before we could be sure they hadn’t discovered us.”

Poe nodded and refrained from looking at Finn before stepping outside.

“And why exactly didn’t you want us in the command centre?” Finn’s tone of voice made Poe turn around. Finn was frowning. “I know you sent us outside the last time as well, but I thought-“

“It’s protocol,” Wiigr said curtly. They’d reached an intersection, but instead of heading straight on, he turned right, and they followed him without further question. Wiigr probably wasn’t the right person to complain to, probably, but he got why Finn was frustrated. He felt the same way. “You’re not members of our group, so you have no place being in the command centre.”

Poe bit back a retort about allies and supposed trust. Through the viewports on their left they could see the cramped hangar they were passing and a few beings rummaging through a pile of spare parts in a corner. He looked ahead again, thinking hard on how they could get out of this situation as politely as possible. Yes, they were tight on resources, but he was sure the others in command wouldn’t be too happy with the demands of the rebels here on Mandalore, either. He spotted Kryze stepping out of a door. She waited for them, hands folded in front of her slender frame. She nodded at them with a soft smile, which didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

Poe nodded curtly. “Glad everything went okay up here,” he said.

She pointed at the door leading to a smaller conference room. It looked more formal than the last one, the seats were made of some sort of leathery material and the screens suggested that this room was used for presentations mostly. The screens were showing a woodland scene, clear sunlight filtering through the thick foliage of leaves above. A calming scene, really. But it didn’t calm him down one bit. They’d prepared caf this time around and Kryze looked more relaxed now and Poe wasn’t sure if that should make him more uneasy. He and Finn sat down at the small table. The chairs were comfortable and the caf freshly brewed. What was she aiming at here?

Wiigr sat down next to Kryze and set up his datapad to take notes. This looked highly official. What had changed over the course of the past few hours?

Poe leaned back in his chair and felt Finn’s knee bump into his. He nodded. Now was probably the time to get nervous without letting anything on.

“Your droid has asked for a couple of spare parts,” Kryze said and she put a datacard into the reader in front of her. The list that appeared in front of her wasn’t too long, Poe thought, but Kryze looked grim. Poe knew exactly what she was aiming at.

“We’ll reimburse you, of course,” he said, sure that the warning prickling sensation at the back of his neck shouldn’t be ignored now.

“So, the Resistance hasn’t run out of resources yet?” She looked at him curtly, her light eyes piercing him. His insides clenched at the look she gave him, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and leave the room then and there.

“Stop messing with us,” Finn said through clenched teeth. “You don’t want to help us unless you get paid, I get that, but we’re all facing the same enemy here, so I think it’s time you-“

“I what?” Her voice was icy as she shifted her gaze from Poe to him. This was useless. It wasn’t going anywhere. If anything, this meeting was costing them resources right now! This was a waste of time.

“Miss Kryze,” Poe began as calmly as he could, “I don’t think this is going anywhere. Whatever union is supposed to come out of this: we’re going to need to talk to our people, see what resources we have that we can share with you. But you have to see that we need time to discuss this with everyone back on our base. See what we have and-“

“Commander,” she interrupted him with the softest of tones,  “I suggest you contact your people from here. It’ll quicken the process immensely, don’t you think?”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Finn asked and stood up. “You’re keeping us here until the Resistance bends to your will? I promise you, they won’t.”

“Maybe not,” she nodded at Wiigr, who got up from his chair, “Like I said, I need you to contact them. If you need me to say it, I will: we don’t need what you can spare, we need the Resistance’s full force.”

“That’s not how it works, Kryze!” Poe said angrily, fighting every instinct he had and stay seated.

Wiigr had reached one of the screens, making Poe freeze. The hair on his arms and neck stood on end as Kryze’s second-in-command pushed a button right next to the screen.

“I’m afraid, that’s exactly how it works,” she said in a friendly tone, as the picture of the trees disappeared, only to be replaced by a video feed. A video feed of a man sitting at a table much like this one.

Poe jumped to his feet, even though he couldn’t quite believe his legs could carry him as he stared at the man he hadn’t seen in years.

“Poe- is that-“

Poe nodded as he reminded himself to breathe. To stand up straight and not rush at Kryze to punch her in the gut. The man’s face was badly bruised. He looked tired. Exhausted.  The picture in front of him made Poe’s insides clench as tears shot to his eyes. “My dad…”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's winter time here and this time of year always reminds me of the stories my grandmother used to tell me of when she was a refugee. So, remember this chapter includes references to that.

_Wobani_

 

It was as though her nose would fall off at any second. She could feel the ice crystals in her nostrils with every breath she took, as she half carried, half led her grandfather through the snowstorm towards the transport. The hundreds of people who were herded in the same direction by the Stormtroopers did little to shield them from the bitter cold wind which whipped around them.

Emy looked to the right to catch one last glimpse at her hometown, but there was nothing to see. Nothing but the blinding whiteness of the snow whipping around her. Her breath caught in her chest when the wind ceased for the mere fraction of a second and she could see the outlines of the trees in the distance. She’d seen those trees almost every day of her life. For nineteen years, she’d had them in her field of vision, and this was the last she’d see of them. She’d slept beneath them as a baby, by her mother’s side and oblivious to the danger that would befall their world shortly after she’d lose her. She’d played in those trees as a child, had taken her friends there for secret clubs after school and had kissed Oto there more than once. Before he’d been sent to the mines that was, of course. She’d only been excepted from the deportation because of the pregnancy and so she’d been able to take care of her grandfather.

Oto had been gone for months now and no message, not a single word from him had reached her since. It was all too clear what had happened to him, but she was relieved she didn’t have to tell him she’d lost the baby. Putting that in a message was out of the question anyway… she clutched the pillow she’d been using to imitate the look of a swollen belly. It was far too soft and reminded her of what she’d lost.

The Stormtroopers were closing in now that the ramp of the transport was drawing ever nearer and she pulled her grandfather closer to her, trying to prevent him from stumbling. The clouds of fine snow swirling up in front of them were wafting into the ship that would take them away from their home. They were being relocated. Their homes would be used for Stormtrooper training first, then demolished to set up another mine in this place. The mines were growing to help supply the First Order’s military expansion and they had to go now.

Emy blinked, forcing down the tears and trying to focus on the warm body by her side before she’d look back again. Her feet hit the metal ramp as they marched up into the ship. The Stormtroopers remained outside, leaving them to the supervision of the officers within. They were expected on Lothal in two day’s time, but what they had to expect there, no one knew. She’d have to find work, but she’d also be able to abandon the pretence of the pregnancy.

With a loud hiss, the ramp closed behind her and the engines roared up at once. She looked around, trying to find a place to sit for her grandfather who was still trembling, but all the seats were taken, and everyone else was staring straight ahead. Shaking her head, she looked at the man by her side and pointed at one of the crates. “Do you want to sit down over there?”

He nodded and allowed her to guide him towards the crate. His head was bent low and she knew he was trying to hide the tears that were welling up within his eyes. He’d built their family home after the Clone Wars, spent all of his hard-earned money to guarantee a safe future for his family. And now the First Order had turned up and destroyed it all. After the demise of the Empire, after they’d finally regained their freedom, the First Order had destroyed it all.

“We’ll be okay,” she whispered, taking his hand and sitting down next to him. Her heart contracted painfully as she looked at him. He’d fought, had loved and damn it, he deserved a life in safety! He’d joined the Old Republic as a soldier, had fought alongside the Clone Troopers and the Jedi and then the war had ended, throwing the low-ranking civilian officers back into the real world from one day to the other. They’d gotten a medal, yes, but little more. He was sick. He was old. He deserved something better.

“Is everything alright?” An officer, clad all in black and his rank insignia declaring him a Lieutenant, approached them. His mouth was set into a thin line, but his dark blue eyes were kinder than most.

Her grandfather fumbled with the arms of his coat. The breath caught in her chest when she saw what he pulled out of them. The white plaque, the red and black plates set into the white metal… the insignia he’d had as an officer in the Old Republic. He’d hidden it during the times of the Empire and then again when the First Order had assumed power. An act of rebellion in the eyes of the Order.

            “I was like you once, you know?” he muttered, his voice cracking at the last word.

With a shake of his head, the officer’s hand shot forward and he clasped his hand closed around her grandfather’s, hiding the insignia. “Put that away,” he whispered and turned to look at Emy. “Make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.” He nodded at her belly. “For all your sakes.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is all taking so long. My job is so time consuming and I often don't really have the energy to write. I hope I'll find more time to write soon!

_Mandalore_

 

Fists clenched, he stared at Kryze. If he could’ve launched himself at her, he would have, but he could see that Wiigr had his hand on his blaster already.

            “Let him go,” he hissed. He could practically hear the blood rushing in his ears.

            “Mr Dameron, I’m merely reminding you of the fact that we have a few resources of our own.”

            “Kidnapping, yeah right,” Finn said behind him, his voice so loud that it was on the verge of turning into shouting. “And how does that make you any different from the Order?!”

            “Don’t insult me!” There was a deadly calm in her voice. “We got your father out from under the First Order’s nose before _they_ could get to him.”

            Poe froze, his hands were icy cold all of a sudden and he wished his father could see him. He wished he could talk to him, but he was rooted to the spot, is entire body as unresponsive as a lump of rock.

            “Why?” Poe hissed, eyes still fixed on the viewscreen in front of him. Kes was completely oblivious to him being there. How should he know? His face showed how nervous he was. Getting up from his chair, Kes clasped his hands behind his back. Poe knew that posture, the way his shoulders were slightly hunched. Kes hated being cooped up like this, unable to do anything. Heck, Kes even hated flying anywhere.

            Fighting against the tears burning in his eyes, Poe took a deep breath and avoided looking at Kryze, who was slowly advancing towards the viewscreen.

            “To show you what the Resistance’s resources could be used for here.” She paused for a heartbeat. “We could get more people out.”

            Only Finn’s hand on his shoulder kept him from launching himself at Kryze. “Get them out… and to where? Here?! What for? Do you need cheap workers?!” Finn’s hand squeezed his shoulder, urging him to shut up.

            “We told you,” Finn began, his voice deadly calm now, “we don’t have any resources to spare, and we sure as hell don’t have resources to spare for bounty hunters and the like.”

            Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kryze nod at Wiigr, who pushed he button next to the viewscreen again.  “I suggest, you think this over, before you reach a final decision.”

 

He was shaking from head to foot. At least they hadn’t taken his comm, but he was dead certain, they’d overhear whatever message he sent to Beebee-Ate. On their way back to their quarters, which seemed more like a prison cell now than before, they’d been accompanied by two guards, which followed at a distance, but their mere presence suggested how dire their situation was now.

            Poe forced himself to breathe normally as he sat down on the floor next to the bunk as soon as the door closed behind them.

            “Poe, are you okay?” Finn asked and Poe hid his face in his arms. “Poe?”

            “Yeah,” he croaked and closed his eyes. The dilemma wasn’t completely unsolvable, he told himself. Nothing ever was. He merely needed time to think. To figure things out. And it seemed as though they had plenty of time now. “Just haven’t seen him in years,” Poe said and looked up again.

            Finn sat down in front of him, legs crossed. He looked concerned, but not too troubled. Yes, Kryze had leverage and they had to watch out what they said in here from now on, but Kryze also needed their cooperation. That much had become more than clear. Why else would they get Kes here?

            With a soft laugh that didn’t feel quite right, Poe leaned his head back. “I am kind of glad he’s not on Yavin Four anymore, you know?”

            Finn nodded. “I guess so.” He frowned and fell silent. “Still. This is bad. They planned this while Rose and I were here, I’m sure of it.”

            “But Leia won’t agree to their terms.” He looked around tentatively, trying to figure out if they’d missed a bug or if they had put a bug in since they’d been led to Kryze. How he hated not being able to trust these people. They could’ve used the support. He sighed. He couldn’t despair. They’d been in worse situations. The Resistance was safe. The only thing he had to fear at this point was to lose his father – the thought alone was enough to make him choke.

            “No. They should know that.” Finn raised an eyebrow and Poe nodded. The Mandalorian cell here might know that Leia had died.

            “Neither will the rest of the Resistance.”

            “They’ll give us an opportunity to contact them,” Finn said softly and Poe nodded. He and Poe were worthless as hostages and it was an open secret that the Resistance operated with a sort of council leading it nowadays, even if Poe, and until a few days ago Leia, had led that council.

            “Just gonna have to wait.” They might have to wait for days. Weeks even, but at least the way things were at the moment, Poe didn’t have to worry about his father. Kes Dameron was no use to these people dead. Not yet, anyway. They had gone through great trouble to get him out here and they wouldn’t put their efforts to waste like this. Poe was sure of that at least.

 

It was several hours before something happened. Poe had spent the past hour digging his fingernail into a small fissure in the plastic of the head of his bead and had already managed to break of a small chip, when they heard a noise outside in the corridor.

            Poe sat up straight at the same moment that Finn jumped to his feet. They exchanged a quick glance and without speaking a single word, took up position in front of the bunks, staring straight at the door, ready to face whatever and whoever was coming for them.

            Poe took a deep breath and tried not to think of his father. Of what might happen next or what they could do to break him. What they might do to his father or Finn, so he’d put all his efforts into helping them, even if it meant destroying the Resistance. He blinked when the door opened and a figure clad in the most unusual Mandalorian armour he’d ever seen was standing right there in front of them. He’d seen that type of armour, the shape of the breast and arm plates before of course, and bearing all sorts of signs of disrepair, but never one this colourful.

            “Never seen a Mandalorian?” a female voice rasped through the helmet.

            “Never one this pretty,” Finn answered quickly but without a hint of a smile in his words.

            “Right,” she said curtly. “The name’s Sabine. Follow me as inconspicuously as you can, I’m getting you two out of here.”

            That was certainly unexpected and Poe could feel Finn tense up beside him. Poe threw him a quick glance and caught him nodding.

            “Fine,” Poe said, “Why?”

            “I don’t really have time for this,” the woman said impatiently, gesticulating towards the corridor. “Are you coming or not? We’ll have plenty of time to talk once we’re on the ship.” When neither Finn, nor Poe moved even a muscle, she sighed again and practically ripped the violently colourful helmet off her head to reveal a slender middle-aged face framed by fiery red hair. “Not everyone agrees with Kryze’s methods, okay? We want to get out before she destroys all that we’ve built up here.” She nudged her chin in the direction she had pointed to before. “So, are you coming or will your dad and that loud droid of yours be the only two passengers aboard the _Ghost?”_ She raised an eyebrow at Poe, who hesitated just for a moment longer. Even if this was a trap, for which he couldn’t even begin to see the point, there was little to lose in following this woman in her strange armour. And Finn appeared to feel the same way, so they both stepped outside into the corridor and Sabine’s face vanished behind the blackened visor once more.

            They walked in silence in the opposite direction from which they’d been led to this place and as they went, Poe could almost feel the worry emanating from Finn. His shoulders were tense and his gaze flickered towards every door as though he was expecting them to open and reveal an entire battalion of Stormtroopers.

            But they didn’t encounter anyone, not even a droid, though the sounds of clattering metal and incomprehensible talk suggested a nearby mess hall as they turned left at the next intersection.  They reached a narrow door, so small and inconspicuous, it couldn’t possibly be put to much use.

            “Right,” Sabine said, her hand hovering over the release button. “We’re gonna have to move fast. Don’t run, but make sure you get there quickly. You can’t miss it. The ramp will be down already.”

            Poe nodded and couldn’t help but grin. Something told him that if this wasn’t a trap, things could actually work out. He only hoped his father was safe. “We’ve done this before in fact,” he said, making Finn snort.

            “Yeah, last time was a huge success.” Finn was smiling slightly, undoubtedly remembering their head over heels escape from the _Finalizer_ at Jakku just as vividly as Poe was, but Sabine ignored them both. Next second the door slid open and she started walking, one hand firmly on her blaster.

            Poe and Finn followed her at a quick pace and Poe felt his heart hammering so violently in his chest, he was almost sure anyone could see it. The ship they were heading for was an ancient model, probably older still than the _Falcon_ , but it appeared to be in good shape. As Sabine had said, the ramp was down, allowing them to see the empty interior.

            The skin on his neck had started to prickle as soon as they’d left the seemingly safe confines of the building, making him want to whirl around, but he kept walking at a brisk pace, eyes fixed on the ship.

            A shrill, familiar, almost human scream made him spin on his heel as the unmistakeable whirl of white and orange headed towards them and the ship at breakneck speed.

            “Your droid really doesn’t understand the word ‘sneaky’, does it?” Sabine hissed as Bee’s pursuers, three Twi’lek males came into view from around the corner.

            Whatever retort Poe could think of would have to wait. The Twi’leks had already spotted them and Poe could see one of them reaching for his comm.

            “RUN!” Sabine shouted, but neither Poe, nor Finn needed her to remind them. Bee caught up with them just as they reached the ramp and the ship lifted off the ground. Behind them, Poe could see one of the Twi’leks pull out his blaster, but the ramp practically slammed shut behind them.

            “Everyone in?” came a female voice from up a ladder.

            “Do you need to ask? Of course!” Sabine shouted back, pulling off her helmet again and basically jumping up the ladder. “That’s Hera. You’re probably not gonna like hearing it, but she’s the best pilot ever!”

            Poe didn’t care. Not about this Hera person, not about anyone else on board. No one but the person the voice he heard next belonged to.

            “Poe?!”

            Poe could feel the ship move beneath him, could feel Bee bumping into his legs in greeting, but none of these things registered with him. Outside he could practically feel the shield of the base giving way for their ship and he knew that for now they were safe of the Mandalorian rebels, even if they still had to sneak away from under the First Order’s radar.

            “I’m here Dad!” he shouted back, unable to fully comprehend that Sabine and whoever had taken them away from their little cell, had told the truth.

            The ship veered left, making Poe stumble against Finn, who pushed him towards the ladder with a shake of his head. “Up you go, General. They might need a pilot like you.”

            Poe scoffed and didn’t reply. Whoever these people were, if the pilot of this rebel ship was a passionate one, they sure as hell weren’t going to surrender command of their ship even for a second. He hurried up the ladder, relief flooding through him when his father’s face appeared in the doorway up ahead. Kes Dameron looked tired, but healthy. Older, but not much worse than he had the last time Poe had seen him. Shaking his head, he drew his father into his arms without even realizing how violently he was shaking, without noticing that Finn pushed past him to head towards the cockpit. Kes even smelled the same, and he was just as strong as ever, as he pulled Poe towards him.

            “Good to see you, kid,” Kes muttered, as the _Ghost_ broke atmosphere and jumped to lightspeed before the First Order even realized they were there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't seen season 4 of Rebels yet, though I've seen a pretty ugly spoiler for one of the last episodes. :( Please excuse me for not staying true to whatever happens in season 4. I'm just playing with the characters and enjoying the perks of being a writer: doing whatever the hell I want with the characters I love :-P


	10. Chapter 10

_Coordinates 55,-344,56_

 

“So, where are we going?” Finn’s voice came from the cockpit up ahead and it was the one thing that made Poe pull away from his father.

Kes looked older, he realized as he watched his father’s face, the eyes were lined and the black hair had turned steely grey. These past years had changed his outward appearance in a way Poe wouldn’t have thought possible and with a pang that felt like a violent punch to his stomach, did he fully comprehend what this meant; what the first Oder had stolen from him personally already. Numerous friends at first and now years and years he should’ve had with his father, the only family he had left.

“You look tired,” Kes said, making Poe nod. There was no use denying what these last years had done to him. And not only to him.

“Yes, well,” he shrugged, “Are you okay? I didn’t come get you. I’m sorry.”

A shadow flickered over Kes’s face then, darkening his features as he shook his head. “Don’t be,” he said quietly, “I should’ve run off when I had the chance. I’ve always known I could make things even harder for you by staying in First Order territory.”

Without another word, Poe pulled his father back into his arms. There were no words to describe what he was feeling, especially not since ha had, at no point in time, been able to describe what he was going through. There had been no one to talk to. Not that anyone would’ve turned him away, he just… there had been no one he could open up to.

After what seemed like an eternity, he let go of his father and gave him a weak smile. They’d have time for this later, he told himself. Plenty of time to talk and even more time to realize what had just happened.

“So, who are these heroes who rescued us all?” Poe clapped his father on the shoulder and started moving towards the cockpit, where its five occupants were busy pretending to stare at the viewscreen and the blue and white whirlwind of hyperspace beyond.

As Poe entered, closely followed by Kes and Beebee-Ate, who hadn’t even made a sound during the reunion, Finn was the first to turn and face them with a smile, which somehow made the knot in Poe’s stomach twitch painfully.

 _I really don’t deserve this_ , he thought miserably, _not from you._

“Thanks for getting us out of there,” he said instead and everyone else turned around. The pilot, as he’d guessed correctly from the shape of her head, was a green, middle-aged  Twi’lek. She nodded with a reserved smile, her turquoise eyes not exactly focused on him. The man sitting next to her was about Kes’s age as well and Poe realized at once that the man was blind. His irises were covered by an almost milky film and the scars on his face showed all to clearly that he’d received that wound a long, long tome ago.

Sabine had taken off her helmet again and she was standing behind the chair in which the last stranger was sitting: another man, a few years older than Poe, his dark blue hair speckled with silvery grey.

“Hey,” the man said with an almost cocky smile, “It’s what we’re best at.” He got to his feet and stretched his hand out to Poe, “Your dad and Finn here have already had the pleasure. I’m Ezra. Ezra Bridger.”

They shook hands and Poe couldn’t help but wreck his brain over where he’d heard that name before. He frowned when Ezra’s grin widened. “Yeah, we knew your mom, but Hera here better than the rest of us.”

Hera… Hera Syndulla? The rebel general?! Poe whirled round to face the Twi’lek who exchanged a more open smile with Kes now and then proceeded to stretch out her hand to Poe. “I hear you’re making your mother proud out there?” Her grip was firm, her fingers rough with calluses from working on machinery all her life. “ _One hell of a pilot_ is the phrase most people used.”

Poe blushed. “Haven’t been a pilot for a long time, ma’am,” he said. He couldn’t help it. This woman was a legend! She’d held the welcoming address when Poe had joined the Republic’s naval academy, but she’d retired soon after. He’d heard stories from his mother, from other, older pilots in the fleet, and the only reason he hadn’t recognized her straight away was because he never expected one of his childhood idols to just appear in front of him. It’d been much the same with Leia all those years ago.

“You never stop being a pilot,” the man by her side said and then it hit Poe… if this was Hera Syndulla, if this was the _Ghost_ , and that man there was Ezra Bridger, then this man was bound to be Kanan Jarrus.

“I hope so,” Poe muttered and exchanged a quick glance with his father. He knew these people… but did that mean that everything was alright? That these beings could be trusted? Poe doubted that somehow and he’d rather trust his guts than a stranger’s word.

 

The crew of the _Ghost_ didn’t just consist of the four people they’d met in the cockpit, but there was also another being, a Lasat going by the name of Zeb, who’d be awaiting them at their destination an abandoned Imperial facility in the Utapau system.

            Poe watched over Hera’s shoulder as the ship dropped out of hyperspace and the greyish green orb of the planet Utapau appeared in front of them. He’d never been here, but from his history lessons he remembered that one of the last battles of the Clone Wars had taken place here. He looked over the instruments in front of them and couldn’t help but smile. “Looks a lot like the _Falcon’s_ dashboard,” he said. “Just a lot tidier.”

            Hera laughed softly. “Well, I was always the better mechanic. Solo was always great at fixing things quickly and efficiently, but he wasn’t exactly neat.”

            Poe nodded. He’d thought the same thing several times himself while he had worked on the _Falcon_ with Rey. That ship was fast, but most modifications appeared to be makeshift at best. “Wish I’d known him,” he admitted.

            The _Ghost_ swerved to the left and Hera steered them towards a narrow asteroid belt. “Can’t blame you… I’m sure the General was devastated when he died. I heard they’d separated, but they were really close. Perfect match those two hot heads.”

            Poe gave Hera another smirk before the smile vanished from his face. “I’ll best go wake my dad.”

            Hera nodded, but didn’t reply and Poe turned away. Ezra was fast asleep in one of the chairs, mouth half open. He didn’t look like a sinister traitor, Poe thought, but he’d be wary nonetheless.

            From the people of the _Ghost_ Kanan Jarrus, the blind man who had kept close to Hera the entire flight, was the least talkative, though Poe got the sense that everyone aboard was more or less focused on him primarily. There was no way to pinpoint his suspicions, but the way everyone seemed to wait for him to act was somehow eerie to Poe. He passed the door behind which Kanan had vanished and then headed towards the back of the ship, to the common room, where Finn and Kes had spent the majority of the flight.

            When Poe saw that both Finn and his father had fallen fast asleep, he couldn’t help but stare at the two of them. Both had fallen asleep sitting on the bench, Kes with his head in his arms which he’d put on the table, and Finn with his head resting up against the wall, hands loosely in his lap and mouth slightly ajar. He was snoring softly and the sound made Poe want to stride forward and wrap his arms around him.

            Instead, he grabbed one of the blankets sitting on a stool beside the door and put it around his father’s shoulders. It wasn’t that it was particularly cold in here, but if there was anything he could do to provide his father even with the illusion of safety, then he had to do it. And that was that.

            Poe sat down next to Kes, arm still around his shoulders. They hadn’t had time to talk yet and Poe dreaded to hear what his father would tell him, but he was beyond glad that his father was healthy and unharmed.

            His thumb trailed Kes’s cheek, making Kes twitch. “Time to wake up, dad,” Poe whispered. They had to make plans to get off this base now, or at least a way to contact the Resistance and let them know that Kryze could not be trusted. That was, if they didn’t already suspect as much. They hadn’t heard from either him or Finn in two days after all.

            The corner of Kes’s mouth twitched up in a smile and his eyelids fluttered. “We there yet?” he mumbled, sitting up with obvious difficulty. How long had he been sleeping in this position?

            Poe nodded and rubbed his father’s shoulders. “We’re about to enter the atmosphere.” He heard the people in the occupied compartments begin to stir. He cleared his throat and threw a look at Finn, who was still snoring peacefully. The man sure had a healthy sleep regiment. “Listen, dad… what do you want to do now?”

            Kes frowned slightly as he turned his head to him. “You telling me I can’t stay with you?” He raised his eyebrows. “Why did I feed you again?”

            Poe laughed softly and shook his head. “You know what I mean. Things could get ugly at our base. And you can’t go back to Yavin Four, can you?”

            With a huff, Kes leaned back. “Guess not…” he muttered, “but I sure wish you had more brains, boy. Where else would I go? If Leia can still do her part, then why the hell shouldn’t I be able to?”

            Poe snorted despite himself and pressed his lips to his father’s temples. “No, you’re right, of course,” he said, ignoring the twinge in the pit of his stomach, at the mention of Leia’s name. “Just thought I’d give you a way out if you wanted one.”

 

Beebee-Ate was the first to leave the ship, basically shooting out of the small storage unit, where he’d charged up next to an ancient looking See-One astromech. Poe didn’t even know there were still droids that old fully functional. That thing must at least be a generation older than Artoo-Deeto. Poe watched as the droid followed Beebee-Ate with a sort of grumbling noise. Whatever had happened between those two, Poe was sure that his own astromech had been more than rude once again. Beebee could be like that sometimes.

            “You like my droid?” Hera asked as he stepped out of the cockpit to follow her crew out into the dusty hangar bay in which they’d landed.

            “It’s quite a sight,” Finn said, rubbing his neck. He’d almost missed the landing and only woken up shortly after the ship had stopped shaking from entering the atmosphere. “How many grandkids does it have?”

            Hera smiled, but didn’t comment as she walked past them.

            “Can we send a message?” Poe asked and Hera nodded. 

Down at the ramp Poe spotted a man with bright green hair standing next to the Lasat, the other members of the _Ghost_ crew had told them about. He was clapping Kanan on the shoulder, while the Lasat threw the other passengers one look and shrugged at Hera’s words.

“It’s their son,” Kes whispered, as Poe and Finn started to follow them. “You two used to be quite close before the war was over.”

Poe threw a look at his father. He sure as hell didn’t remember that childhood friend, but there was no time to comment, as they were far too close to the others now.

“Poe, this is Kanan’s and my son Jacen. Jacen, this is Poe.” Hera grinned, her eyes flashing as she exchanged another knowing look with Kes. This was getting out of hand. If, by any chance, they won, or even survived this war, he sure as hell hoped he and his other former comrades didn’t develop this sort of behaviour whenever they met each other again.

“Hey,” Poe said quietly, stretching out a hand and shaking first Jacen’s then the Lasat’s. “This is Finn, second-in command to the General.”

If Finn was surprised by this declaration, nothing but a twitch of his eyelid gave it away. He nodded once and shook hands.

“Jacen. Our new friends would like to send a message. Could you show them to the comm?” Kanan hadn’t spoken much and Poe sensed that he wouldn’t start doing so now that they were here.

Jacen shrugged and turned, waving at Poe, Finn and Kes to follow them. “Come on, we aren’t as well equipped as the guys on Mandalore, but we manage.”

“So you’re not part of the group on Mandalore?” Finn asked, eyebrows raised. He clearly had his problems trusting them as well.

“Nah, but we try to keep in touch with them. Some of Sabine’s relatives formed that group after the First Order came out of hiding.” He appeared to be younger than he was supposed to, Poe thought. Maybe it was the way he walked, the spring in his step giving him a certain sense of youthfulness that not even Finn had anymore. This war and especially the role that had been forced upon Finn so early on had taken that youthfulness away from him before it had even had a chance to emerge. Come to think of it, Poe didn’t know anyone in the Resistance who walked like this, arms swinging, step almost graceful, like a dancer.

He caught Finn’s eye, who raised an eyebrow at him, but Poe had no idea what his friend was getting at, so he merely shrugged, though something in is chest twisted painfully, almost guiltily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while :-P But I'm still at it. I swear! :-D


	11. Chapter 11

_Coruscant_

 

The only way to suppress the violent shaking of her hands was to grab the data card in them even tighter. She was only glad these things were as tough as durosteel and didn’t shatter easily.

            She had her eyes closed as the turbolift shot upwards, catapulting her to a meeting that might change her life. Or end it.

            Looking up again, she focused her gaze on the blaring sunset over the misty cloud cover, ignoring the guards clad in crimson at either side of her. Journalists weren’t usually welcome at the Palace. She was the exception.

            A soft tapping noise caught her attention and one look at the foot of the guard to her left stopped it straight away. The guard tightened his grip on the blaster. Why did he appear nervous? This wasn’t his funeral…

            Mila threw back her hair.

            They’d almost reached the top and she could only hope that when Armitage saw her again, he’d put their old friendship first. She’d requested an appointment, hinted that she had compromising material and had casually mentioned her ancient connections to the Grand Admiral. The invitation had followed two days later. Obviously he remembered her and didn’t feel like having her killed. Not straight away.

            Not that he had ever been known for bending the rules for anyone. But maybe she’d get lucky. She felt lucky, anyway.

            Her fingertips traced the outline of the datacard.

            If Armitage _wasn’t_ interested in seeing her and not just the material she’d uncovered, he’d have ordered someone to take the card off her and throw her in prison.

For snooping around.

For deserting the Order.

For disappointing him.

            It had been ten years since she’d last seen him. He’d been on the brink of promotion then and she’d been nothing but an intelligence officer, someone far below his own rank, but somehow, he’d never forgotten about her. Whenever they were on the same planet or base he’d sent for her.

            The turbolift slowed down and gently came to a stop.

            The guard on her left stepped forward and held his thumb against a narrow control panel.

            Mila took a deep breath. She hadn’t deserted because of him and he must know that. She hadn’t even deserted because she detested the Order. Her lure had been money. Plain and simple. Well, money and the prospect of a better life outside the world of strict rationing and discipline she’d grown up with in the First Order. Not that she’d explained any of that to Armitage.

            At first, when the Order had taken over, she’d been terrified of what might happen to her. She’d been a deserter and hadn’t made a secret of it when she’d joined one of the many news channels on the Holo Net. She didn’t speak of the Order, but she’d brought certain qualities with her that made her an invaluable journalist. She found stories that no one else did and she got people to talk when everyone else had given up. And then the Order had destroyed the Senate and conquered what was left of the Republic in one swift swoop. But they hadn’t come for her. And Mila thought she knew why.

            They entered a vestibule first, the sound of their footsteps was dampened by the thin layer of dark green carpet as they made their way towards the set of grey metal doors opposite. The art displayed on the walls was simplistic but tasteful. Mila couldn’t make sense of it, but it fit. Armitage had never been into arts and these pieces were merely there for decoration.

            Noiselessly the doors slid open and her eyes fell on him immediately. He hadn’t changed much. She spotted that straight away. He was standing at one of the large windows, hands clasped behind his back. As she’d expected, he didn’t turn to look at them when they entered. Even though Supreme Leader Ren was the official head of state, it was an open secret that Grand Admiral Hux handled the day-to-day business while Ren only appeared for public events and preferred to stay out of politics if he could. Ren considered himself a military genius, but Hux had obviously learned to steer that self-proclaimed genius towards military victories.

            “Leave us,” Armitage said coolly and the guards withdrew straight away. Mila spotted one of them fumbling with his sleeve on his way out. It struck her as odd and the hairs at the back of her neck stood on end, but she wouldn’t speak of that straight away. This was Armitage’s arena… And she might be able to use what she’d seen if she could find out what it meant.

            The door closed behind the guards and Armitage took his time before he turned around to face her. No, he hadn’t changed at all since she’d last seen him, though she did spot that the smile he’d once given her so openly, wouldn’t show itself today. He strode towards her and held out his hand. “Give it to me.”

            Mila scowled but didn’t hesitate to put the datacard in his hand. “This isn’t the only copy, you know?”

            Armitage nodded. “Of course.” He turned it over in his hand as though contemplating it. “I see you’re well?” There was a sight edge to his voice and he didn’t look at her.

            “So are you.”

            He didn’t reply to that but moved over to his desk. It, too, was simple but it was still so big that it stretched from one end of the window front to the other. He slid the datacard into the card reader on it and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t check it for viruses or any of that. So he trusted her still, apparently. How odd.

            Mila followed him, resisting the urge to touch his arm.

            In front of them, the video material appeared straight away, the hologram showing the riots in one of the many refugee camps. It wasn’t something that hadn’t been seen before. But something was new. Something had appeared again. A lot of beings who had to be relocated resisted, but the homemade flag that could be seen everywhere was a true novelty. At least in the current climate.

            “Where did you get this?” he asked. Of course, to him officially the Resistance was dead, but she knew that it wasn’t. And so did he. The ringleaders of the Resistance had never been caught.

            “A contact. He’s trying to spread this, but the Holo Net is too well protected for him to get through.”

            “Is he one of them? Can you reach him?” He needed to suppress this footage, she knew.

            “I can’t rat him out, Armitage,” she said quietly. “He’s too valuable.”

            He snorted. “To you? Or to the Order?” He looked at her then, his blue eyes cold as ice. Her mouth was parched and there was a familiar tingling sensation spreading up her arms. How often had he made her feel like this with a single look.

            “Why not both?” she retorted. “I also heard another rumour…” She’d been the one to get in contact with his office. She wanted this! And still she felt her stomach twist. She was betraying her colleagues. They’d asked her to put pressure on him. To make him cooperate, the way she’d made everyone else cooperate so far. Mila took a deep breath. “I will only leak what you want us to leak, but you’ll get more information if you let us continue our work.”

            He frowned at her then, but nodded. “What makes you think you know more than we do? Why would your _journalism_ turn out more information than our spy network? This-“ he pointed at the rioting refugees waving the symbol of the Rebel Starbird “isn’t news to me, you know?”

            “But I guess Leia Organa’s death is?”

            His eyes widened momentarily, and she could see the surprise on his face. “How do you-“ he was interrupted by the sound of an alarm going off. He whirled around, and she saw what was happening straight away. The speeder heading towards them shouldn’t be there. This area of Coruscant was to remain clear of all traffic… usually… It was so close. Far too close! The breath caught in her chest, as she saw the bolts of laser fire coming at it from all round, but it didn’t stop. Somehow it couldn’t be stopped.

            Shields, she realized. Small, impenetrable shields.

            There was no time to think.

            No time to run.

            Armitage threw his arms around her and smashed with her to the ground.

            The last thing she felt was a wave of blazing heat.


	12. Chapter 12

_Coordinates 55,-344,56_

 

The stars they could see through the opening above looked almost milky through the protective shield which Sabine had managed to set up. It seemed as though she’d sought out every single bit of scrap she could find on the base and had rustled up the shield generator like someone else might have done to get a decent meal together. She’d done a good job. According to Beebee-Ate, the shield emitted a very low, almost undetectable energy signature. This place, for all intents and purposes, was safe from the First Order.

            “What are you thinking about?” Finn asked. They were sitting next to each other on a crate which must have been empty for several years, maybe decades even. Poe hadn’t even bothered to wipe the dust off it. So much about this base, everything that wasn’t used on a regular basis, was dusty, much like the things on Crait had been covered in dust and dirt. The living quarters on the other hand, were immaculately clean, as were the vital instruments and the small kitchen, where Kes was busy making dinner. He’d refused Poe’s offer to help and Poe guessed what his father was making. He’d always gotten flatcakes when he got home and Kes never let him help.

            Poe shrugged. “Mainly that we should ask Sabine for plans for that shield generator. If she’s willing to part with them.”

            “I doubt she has any,” Finn answered with a raised eyebrow. His eyes wandered off to the generator, which had been placed right in the middle of the hangar, so it could stretch out evenly in all directions. “And to be honest, I think the paint job isn’t just there to be decorative. I bet she’s just covering up the loose screws and stuff.”

            Poe laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah, maybe. But it’s working brilliantly. When did Rey say she’d get here again?”

            “We have a couple of hours to kill, I suppose. She said she’d be a standard day if she got to leave straight away.”

            Which she probably wouldn’t. There was always so much to do, and especially now that they had to relocate their main base, they wouldn’t have time to come and pick them up. “So, I take it we’re gonna have some time to kill here.”

            Finn nodded. “Not that we haven’t been doing that for a while now." Finn swung up his feet and jumped off the crate. “I’ll go ask Sabine if she wants to share her brilliant schematics then.” He waved curtly and started heading off towards the _Ghost_ , where Sabine was sitting on the lowered ramp, her helmet between her knees. The brush she was holding moved up at the same time she lifted her head when Finn approached her and Poe got to his feet. He might just as well see if his father allowed him to help in the kitchen this time.

 

 

As it turned out, Kes wouldn’t allow anyone in the kitchen but himself. He pointed to the small rec room adjoining the kitchen and ordered him to watch a holo movie or play a game of Sabacc with Zeb and the human male Poe hadn’t met before and who introduced himself as Aleksandr Kallus, technician. There seemed to be a lot of technicians around here. But then again, an old dilapidated base such as this one, certainly needed its fair share of them in order to keep running.

            The Sabacc cards lay forgotten on the table. No one seemed to be too fussed about them. Poe himself barely ever played anymore himself. He’d been quite passionate about the game during his training with the Republic Navy, but nowadays the excitement he’d felt at the sight of a good set of cards, had diminished. Gambling really wasn’t too exciting now that he felt like gambling with hundreds of lives on a daily basis.

            Zeb was switching through the channels, seemingly just as bored as Aleksandr, who was poking a hard drive with a thin metal instrument with a scowl on his face.

            “What are you working on?” Poe asked. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his father starting to mix the batter. He’d taken forever to find all the ingredients he needed. Not that flatcakes usually needed a lot of them, but Kes Dameron had his own, special recipe and that recipe required … whatever it was, Kes called it: _devotion._

            Aleksandr shrugged. “Just trying to fix this ancient beast,” he muttered, “used to be an Imperial probe droid, but I thought it could come in handy at one point.

            “Just make sure it doesn’t blast out our location to every single ship in a five parsec radius,” Zeb grumbled and Aleksandr threw him a scowl.

            “Stop it,” he said softly, making Zeb roll his eyes. He switched channels once more and stayed put. Poe’s eyes fixed on the familiar faces and his lips spread into a wide grin as he recognized the vaguely familiar dialogue.

            “What are you so happy about?” Zeb asked and Poe shook his head.

            “My dad and I used to love watching that show.” It was an ancient soap opera. The story was extremely predictable and the characters as shallow as they came, but it had been a massive hit in the early years of the New Republic, when everyone had been thirsting for easy entertainment. This show had provided just that. It was a piece of history, but most of all, it had managed to draw Poe and Kes together when little else had been able to do that. Shara had claimed that she hated watching the show, but she turned on the Holo every single week at the exact same time. After her death, the tradition of Kes sitting down on the couch to watch the familiar, ridiculously attractive characters have a go at each other, falling in love with other ridiculously attractive people, hadn’t ceased. And Poe had simply taken his mother’s place by his father’s side.

            Zeb didn’t comment and neither did Aleksandr, but Poe couldn’t have cared less if they had. His eyes were fixed on the angular face, its features distorted by anger, as the character shouted angry abuse at the man who had wrecked his life, just like he had wrecked so many. Poe was just about to shout out to is father, to call him to the Holo and watch the old rerun with them, when the airing was cut short and a Bothan news anchor appeared.

            “We interrupt this program with tragic news coming from Coruscant,” the Bothan said calmly.

            Poe sat up straight, his eyes wide and every muscle in his body tense.

            “What’s going on?” Finn said, coming into the room, just as the picture changed, displaying a shattered tower, flames erupting out of a window.

            Poe’s mouth was parched. This was all wrong. What he was seeing didn’t comply with what they’d talked about. This was too much, too big.

            The Bothan’s voice rang through the quiet of the room. “Today a civilian airspeeder, apparently broke through security stationed around the Old Imperial Palace and crashed into the topmost compartment. No news of casualties has reached us, yet, but-“

            “Isn’t that where Hux’s office is?!” Aleksandr asked, staring at the video feed and the flames erupting out of the window. Steps behind them announced the arrival of more people… more people to see what had just happened.

            “I suppose,” Poe whispered, an icy shower rushing up his spine. What had they done?! He jumped to his feet and rushed out the room, pushing past the _Ghost_ crew as he went. He bumped into Finn, but he didn’t stop. Not even to apologize.

 

 

“What the hell was that?” A strong hand landed on his shoulder and whirled him around, before he could even reach a secluded area where he could let off steam without anyone noticing.

            “What?!” Poe shouted, making Finn flinch back. Those beautiful brown eyes recoiled for a moment, but they hardened a second later.

            Poe wiped his burning eyes with his hand and shook his head. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

            “For what?” Finn hissed. “For shouting at me or for rushing off like that?”

            Poe flinched back, unable to meet Finn’s gaze. He’d expected his heart to be hammering in his chest, but all he felt was this strange sense of numbness in his arms, and that quiet rushing of nothingness in his head.

            “I don’t know,” he whispered tonelessly, his eyes fixed on the tips of his shoes.

            “Yeah, you do. And I think I can take a guess as to why. That was good news overall, so why the hell would it freak you out?”

            Poe scoffed, leaning up against one of the countless empty crates stacked around the hangar. Facing Finn was out of the question, but running off was not in the cards either. Not that there was a place to run off _to._ He ran a hand over his face and shook his head, taking a deep breath.

            “Alright,” he muttered, pushing off the crate and taking Finn’s arm. They needed a place where they could talk quietly. He didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to have to admit what he’d been part of, but he simply had to face the facts: he was the leader of the Resistance now and Finn was his second-in-command. Finn needed to know what was going on.

            “Let go,” Finn hissed, freeing his arm and stepping in front of Poe. His nostrils were flaring in anger. “Just tell me what the kriff is going on here!”

            “Finn, I don’t want to discuss this here!”

            “Where, then?! Do you seriously think I’m the only one who thinks the Resistance had something to do with this? Especially after you stormed out like this?!”

            “Fine!” Poe threw his hands up in the air and let out a half-supressed scream. “Fine, it was, ok?! I didn’t like it when it was suggested and I kriffing don’t like it now! Satisfied?!”

            Finn folded his arms in front of his chest, staring unblinkingly at Poe. “No.”

            “Okay,” Poe huffed and he started pushing past Finn, who stretched out his arm to stop him.

            “No, it’s not okay.” His eyes narrowed, and he moved closer to Poe. “This isn’t what I signed up for, you know?”

            “I thought you said this was good news?” Poe balled his hands into fists. This wasn’t right. None of it. He’d never wanted Hux to die like this… there were far too many casualties. Far too many lives lost.

            “Yeah, well, that was terrorism!” The word rang in Poe’s ears, making him flinch. “And you sanctioned it?! You of all people!” There was disappointment in his voice and that was even worse than anything Finn could’ve thrown at him. “What the hell, Poe?!”

            Poe raised his hands, about to push Finn away from him, but the look in Finn’s eyes made him drop them again. There was so much hurt there… he’d betrayed Finn… he’d betrayed the Resistance. Even if he’d never wanted this. “No, I didn’t,” he whispered. He felt like screaming. Like shouting at Finn and the whole damn hangar that he had nothing to do with any of this, even as he knew that it wasn’t true.

            Finn kept moving closer, anger still burning in his eyes. Anger and hurt.

            Poe swallowed hard and shook his head. “I didn’t. It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said, his voice almost cracking under the strain of trying to keep Finn at a distance.

            “Well, how was it supposed to go? Poison? A bomb disguised as a gift?”

            “Something like that… Leia suggested it a few months ago… and it seemed like a good idea at the time.” Back when it had been an idea and nothing more, it had seemed like a perfectly _sound_ idea. The Resistance had to fight to stay afloat, while the First Order had as good as won. Killing Hux would at least stop their momentum. But now… he’d worried about how this would go for months. “She knew someone… I don’t know, maybe through Solo or Calrissian? And those people suggested the crew…”

            “Who’s paying them?”

            Poe’s throat was so tight, he was barely able to breathe. “She used what was left of her personal funds.”

            Finn snorted and pushed away from Poe. “I don’t believe this,” he breathed, turning his back on Poe and taking a few steps in the opposite direction. “When did the Resistance resort to these methods?”

            “It’s not exactly new, you know?” Poe’s heart seemed to plummet. The betrayal Finn was feeling was almost palpable. Like a living thing. Poe sank down to the ground, head buried in his hands. “The Alliance-“

            “Yeah, I know… I was raised with the idea that the Rebellion and the Republic were nothing but terrorists.” He turned around again and the pain reflected in his eyes made Poe’s heart contract painfully. “I just hate to see that it wasn’t completely made up.”


	13. Chapter 13

_Coordinates 55,-344,56_

 

Finn didn’t speak to him again until Rey reached them two days later and even then, he only opened his mouth to tell Poe that she’d arrived. All in all, Poe thought he could call himself lucky. Finn could’ve told him he’d quit the Resistance right there and then. Not that that couldn’t happen now that he’d vanished inside the _Falcon_ after a quick goodbye to the crew of the _Ghost_ to join Rey.

            Not another word had fallen about the matter between him or Kes either, just as they’d never discussed the things Kes had done during the Galactic Civil War. It was clear beyond a doubt that his father had been involved in things he wasn't proud of, just as much as Poe, or Finn, or any other damn soldier out there. There was just no way around it. Stories of heroes and legends were nothing but that: Stories. And Finn knew that as well as anyone. So why the hell was he angry at Poe now.

“Will I hear from you again?”

Poe gave Jacen a half-hearted smile and nodded.  “I wouldn't be surprised if you did. Alexandr has the codes he needs, if you guys want to reach us.” They weren't top security codes and would take longer than usual to reach them, but they were safe and that was the most important thing.

Jacen nodded and his hand twitched upwards as though to touch Poe’s arm, but he dropped it instead with a barely visible shrug. “See you around then.” He winked curtly, turned around on his heel and walked off.

“That boy has no manners…” Hera whispered with an eyeroll.

“That boy is almost forty, you know?” her husband retorted.

Waving her hand through the air dismissively, Hera clapped Poe on the shoulder. She and Kanan were the only ones who were still standing here, while the others were busy doing their work. “Give Leia our love, will you?”

Poe nodded, his throat tight. It felt so wrong to lie to Hera and Kanan, but there was no way to prove how loyal to the Resistance this group would prove to be and he couldn’t make decisions like that on his own.

 

 

Neither Rey, nor Finn talked to him for most of the flight and Kes remained eerily quiet himself. It was as though even his father was holding him accountable for what had happened. It wasn’t even too far-fetched.

            But still. It didn’t seem right that they would punish _him_ for what had happened, or rather for how it had happened. It wasn’t as though he’d told the assassin to rush a speeder into Hux’s office. A well-placed shot from far away would have done the job just fine.

            Poe shuddered. What the hell was he even thinking here? He rose from his bunk and walked over to the narrow viewscreen overlooking the fleet which was barely that. Their handful of ships had assembled here just mere hours ago, shortly after their arrival here on the very edges of the Outer Rim. Taking a deep breath, he put his hands on hips and closed his eyes. It was high time, not only to acknowledge the loss of a possible alliance, but also, and most importantly, Leia’sdeath to the rest of the Resistance and face the consequences for what had happened on Coruscant. His involvement in the plans had been minimal, he’d voiced his discomfort and concerns with them; concerns which hadn’t been too different from what Finn had thrown at him. “So what happened to _your_ moral integrity, Poe?” he breathed. And then he looked up again. At their “fleet” consisting of two dilapidated hammerhead corvettes which one of Leia’s old friends had managed to procure and of two ancient Clone Wars-era freighters with high-end weapons arrays. It was next to nothing compared to what they were facing now, and it was clear that the First Order would do everything they could and crush them once and for all.

            They hadn’t exactly followed the rules of warfare, if there ever had been such a thing, but it had happened. They’d been forced into a corner by the Order and now they had lashed out. Viciously. Without mercy. Poe might not like it, but they had to do _something._ No matter how desperate that something was. The very thought made his throat get tight

            “Sir?” Threepio stirred behind him, but Poe didn’t turn around. He still had a few minutes before he had to face the others. Finn would be there, too. At least Poe hoped so. It was more than clear that Finn wanted to leave. Badly. But something was holding him back. If he truly saw traces of the First Order in the Resistance, he hadn’t voiced his concerns again. Well, he didn’t talk to Poe anyway, did he? But the most important thing was that he’d stayed. His devotion to their cause had remained intact, even if it was as badly damaged as Poe feared.

            “Sir?”

            “What?” Poe sighed, rubbing his forehead. How he wished Beebee-Ate was still with him, but the droid had been down with the few starfighters they’d managed to gather, helping with repairs. Threepio was beginning to really get on his nerves. _Why’d you leave this to me, Leia? Why would you leave me in this mess?_

            All his life he’d looked up to Leia, or the image he had of her, and now she was gone. Just as Solo and Skywalker and Calrissian. The infamous General Lando Calrissian had joined up with them a year ago and died a few weeks later in an attempt to secure information. It was as though all the old legends had bowed out of the play without leaving behind even a shred of hope.

            “Commander Finn is at the door waiting for you.”

            At this he turned around. “Finn?” This was unexpected. If anything, he’d expected his father to show up. But not Finn. Poe strode across the room, tying to wipe away all thoughts and traces of guilt. There simply was no time for that and the way things were going, there wouldn’t be for several cycles to come.

            The door slid open and Poe almost gasped when he saw Finn standing there in front of him, wearing the Resistances uniform. It fit him perfectly, and the way he wore it, the way Finn stood more erect, head held high, made Poe’s insides clench painfully. This just felt wrong. Finn should be done forcing himself into stiff uniforms.

            “Hey,” Poe breathed. “Wha- what are you doing here?”

            “Picking you up,” Finn stated, raising an eyebrow. No greeting. Just that one statement.

            Poe nodded, mouth parched. “Alright,” he muttered, stepping outside. “Thanks.”

            “Don’t mention it.”

            The mechanical clinking behind him told Poe that Threepio was moving as well, holding out a datapad for Poe. This was his first meeting of the Resistance he’d attend since Leia’s passing. Only the members who’d been on Naboo with them had attended the service and only those people knew what had happened. The others were expecting Leia to show up. Instead they’d get a pilot who had no idea how to face the weeks to come.

            “How many will be there?” Finn asked as they started walking. He didn’t look at Poe, but there was no trace of hostility in his voice.

            Poe huffed. “Twenty or so? Not too many. We’ll be alright.”

            “In fact, only eighteen beings showed up, Sir,” Threepio chimed in, “Their entourage remained on the ships and-“

            “Yes, thank you,” Poe cut him off. The way towards the bridge and the adjoining conference room wasn’t too far, but Poe wished he had further to walk next to Finn. It was the first time since their fight that Finn had acknowledged his presence. But before he knew it, before Poe even had a moment to say another word to Finn, no matter how hard it was to make a single syllable to cross his lips, they’d reached the door.

            Sighing, he turned on the datapad and went inside, Finn and Threepio right behind him.

            Everyone was already there. Two young Mon Calamari, three Sullustans and one Rodian. The rest were humans, Rey, Rose, Conder and Snap among them. Poe locked eyes with Snap and felt his chest expand. Snap understood. They’d talked briefly upon Poe’s arrival.

            Conder was the only one who only looked up briefly from his notes when Poe and Finn walked in. Everyone’s eyes were fixed intently on him. Not even half of the people here knew that Leia was gone…. The rest had appointed Poe as her successor. At least for now.

            Quarmo, one of the Mon Calamari, an excellent commander who’d been overseeing the repair of the two hammerhead corvettes, looked him up and down. His grey eyes stared him down and Poe felt that this being wouldn’t be easy to deal with. “Where’s the General? Isn’t she coming?”

            Poe cleared his throat and shook his head. “I- Please, take a seat and let me explain.”

            Finn sat down in a chair next to the one which had usually been Leia’s, but Poe remained standing as everyone else settled down. The being’s who’d been on Naboo avoided his gaze.

            He cleared his throat again, cursing himself. _Stop that, idiot._ When everyone had settled down, Poe stood up straight, several feet away from the only chair which wasn’t occupied yet. It was as though the chair was calling to him and as everyone’s eyes were trained on him, he almost reach out to touch its back. “First of all: thank you for coming.” He forced himself to look around. He could see some people coming to the right conclusion. As to why Poe was standing in front of them and not Leia. His throat was getting dryer by the minute and he wished he could reach for the glass standing ready for him. “As you can see, Leia isn’t here.” Taking a deep breath, he stood as straight as he could. “I’m sorry to have to tell you that General Leia Organa passed about a week ago on Naboo.”

            In the silence which followed these words one could’ve heard a pin drop. A few of the beings assembled looked as though Poe had struck them, others stared at him with their mouths open. He could see two men wiping their eyes openly. He couldn’t blame either of them. He’d been there himself. Still was.

            Poe bit his lip and closed his eyes for a moment, joining into the minute’s silence no one had called for and which still everyone fell into instinctively. And he allowed his thoughts to drift back to Leia. To the moment when she’d recruited him and the disagreements they’d had. The disagreements and the fights they’d fought with each other and together. Her voice would remain with him forever. Her voice and her determination… and he’d miss her. Her and her ability to lead.

            “H-how did it happen?” The Rodian asked. It took Poe a minute before he remembered her name. Dae. Dae Kenns.

            The words passed his lips easily now. It was rehearsed. Rehearsed speeches he could do. When he finished, one of the Mon Calamari, a distant relation to Ackbar, pointed at the still empty chair. “Why don’t you sit down? That is your seat, isn’t it?”

            This time the room was filled with suffocating silence and no one moved. Poe didn’t even blink as he stared at the Mon Calamari. It was as though as the younger Ackbar war staging a coup right there and then. Yes, Poe had taken over when Leia had died, but the question of who should fill her position permanently now had to be a democratic one. And so he didn’t move or look at anyone but Ackbar.

            “I agree,” Snap said to Poe’s surprise. “He’s done a good job so far. Personally, I don’t know anyone else I’d want to entrust the Resistance to.”

            “Neither do I,” Dae joined in, fixating Quarmo with a stern gaze. “Leia trusted you, Dameron. And I trust her judgement.”

            “Not everything she did was good,” Finn said quietly, staring at his hands, which he’d folded on the table top. His voice rang through the room though and he didn’t move, didn’t even blink. His words echoed through Poe’s brain, making him clench his hands into fists. “But I guess it’s all we have left to fight with.” This sentence was just another slap in the face, but Poe didn’t flinch. All he could do was look at Finn as the doubts about the state of their friendship turned into certainty.  “I guess Poe is just the guy we need. People trust him like they trusted Leia. He can do this. If he can’t, no one can.”


	14. Chapter 14

_Coordinates 34,-297,18_

“We need more ships.”

            “And how are we supposed to get those?”

            “You heard what the General and Commander Finn told us about the hangar on Mandalore.”

            “But that alliance would be a very bad idea. I guess we agreed on that?”

            Kes nudged Poe in the ribs. His father was right. This discussion wasn’t going anywhere. But since he didn’t have the solution either, there seemed to be no point in stopping it. Maybe, by chance, Dae and Quarmo could find common ground or even a solution if they only argued long enough.

            “Well, maybe we could find another way to get our hands on those ships,” Quarmo said quietly.

            “You mean, steal them? From people who already kept two of our people prisoner?”

            Another nudge in the ribs and Poe nodded. “Yeah, listen, this isn’t helping.” Both Quarmo and Dae looked put out when he interrupted their senseless argument. Rey was sitting on his left, arms folded across her chest and wearing a heavy frown. As she was tapping her finger on her upper arm, he could see that she was wearing the ring which Leia had worn for most of the time he’d known her.  

She caught his gaze and raised her brow. “What?”

Poe shook his head. “Nothing.” He turned his attention back to the rest. Their party had met in the meeting room again after a short break, though Snap and a couple of others who’d been with them on Naboo had left to return to their usual posts. Conder had appeared particularly happy to leave after he’d explained his shield technology in words no one but Rey and Rose seemed to fully grasp. “You know our financial situation is bad and that we can’t afford any new ships, and neither can we afford to pay soldiers or spies. Leia’s funds are as good as gone. A fair amount went to that last… operation on Coruscant.”

Finn shifted uncomfortably next to Rey, but Kes remained seated and didn’t even twitch.

“And no, I don’t believe we should form that alliance with the rebels on Mandalore.”

“It’s not as though our methods were all that much better than theirs.”

Poe threw Finn a look and felt a wave of hot anger wash over him. Why wouldn’t Finn even look at him?

“Listen, Commander,” Quarmo began, “can we please move away from that particular discussion? Bringing this up time and time again isn’t helping anyone.”

“I’m sorry for pointing out the truth.” Finn almost snarled at the Mon Calamari. “How are we any different from them?”

“Well, the Resistance attacked a clear target, while the Mandalorians tried using us as bait,” Poe said through gritted teeth.

Finn drew in a sharp breath and Poe could see him tense up, but, fortunately, Finn’s comm started flashing at this in bright red. “Excuse me,” Finn said curtly, getting up and striding out of the room without another look at Poe.

Poe huffed and folded his hands on the table in front of him. This wasn’t going well. Far from it.

“He’s not wrong,” Rey said softly. “We have to keep in mind what message we just sent out to the rest of the galaxy. We have to make sure they don’t look at us as terrorists.”

 _Which we are essentially,_ Poe thought grimly and nodded.

“I believe it was the right thing to do,” Kes said.

“You don’t care about our image, Mister Dameron?” Ackbar asked.

“On the contrary,” Kes said, “But I believe out of all of us, I’m the only one who fought in the Galactic Civil War. The Alliance wasn’t always as nice and clean as you might think. That attack on the second Death Star was basically an attempt at the Emperor’s Life. The destruction of the battle station was a major point, but the knowledge that Palpatine would be there made it all the more tempting. We were acting for the good of the galaxy, but we wanted to murder Palpatine. Everyone I know did. And for good reason.”

The silence that followed this short speech made Poe’s skin crawl. He wasn’t sure it made what they’d sanctioned with Hux okay, but it certainly put their actions into a different light. They were at war and civilians became victims far too often, whether they liked it or not. Fifty casualties had been reported by the Holo-Net so far, but whether that was just propaganda or a scrap of the truth no one could tell. And who could say who’d live, or survive now that Hux was gone… not that the First Order was by any means destroyed. Far from it. Another military commander would soon take Hux’s place.

He nodded. “Well, we can’t attack again, at least not straight away. All we can do for now is to keep moving and gather as many information as possible. I suggest we go back to the original plan and hide out on different planets. Find some more recruits.”

“Some won’t do,” Dae drummed her fingers on the table. “And I’m not sure where we’re headed at this point if we don’t move out to strike against the Order wherever we can.”

“I’m not risking the rest of the fleet. I can’t…”

“Luckily this isn’t your decision to make, is it. Not all of it, anyway.” Rey. She leaned forward. “I guess I’m not the only one who thinks running isn’t an option. We’ve been doing that for years. At least we should look into attacking more. Rush in, do some damage and leave again.”

Poe’s stomach flipped at the very thought. How he wished he could be one of those daredevil pilots again. But those times were over. He looked around at the beings crammed around the table. He hated how timid he’d become and at the same time he felt like every damn decision he made only led to him losing more than just friends.

“What happened on Coruscant isn’t all bad. The First Order military is in turmoil,” Quarmo added.

“I’m not sure it is. Maybe they’re just pretending to be. Hux wasn’t the only military leader they had, and he wasn’t the only one who knew a thing or two about tactics.” Finn was back, but this time he was standing in the doorway. His eyes were fixed on Poe now. “And Ren is even more vicious.”

 _No need to tell me._ Just thinking about the man who was now essentially the most powerful mal in the galaxy and who’d tortured him, broken him within moments, still made his head throb.

“Not to mention that he’s even less predictable,” Rey added.

“So you’re suggesting we start and keep up random attacks, hoping not too many civilians get killed in the process?” Poe asked.

“Well, we could at least do more than just try to survive. Take some risks. Attack rather than hide. Focus on military operations. On freeing slaves.”

Dae nodded. “At least we’d be doing something.”

            And of course they were right. A couple of years ago he would’ve been the first to back a plan like this, and the thought was more than infuriating. Why would he hesitate now? “We shouldn’t forget that we have to inspire people. We can’t do this on our own.” He looked into the faces of everyone assembled here. None of these people was here because they’d been forced into this fight. Heck, even Finn had stayed, even if he didn’t give his reasons. Well, not that Finn had to justify his actions, least of all to him.

            Rey’s eyes were sparkling. It was obvious that she wanted to start taking action more than anything. Kes looked satisfied with the turn of events, and even Quarmo and Dae seemed to agree for once. The last person Poe looked at was Finn, who returned his gaze almost stoically.

            Poe nodded. “Alright, let’s regroup again in a couple of hours. We should all take some time to think this over and find some low-risk targets out there. The database Threepio’s network of spy droids should give us a start.”

            Kes clapped him on the shoulder, when everyone had already got up and most were out of the door. It was strange to feel this relieved by his father’s approval, but it took a massive weight off his chest. He hadn’t expected this, if he was completely honest with himself. “I’ll see you for dinner.”

            With a weak smile, Poe put his hand on his father’s, which was still on his shoulder and Kes moved towards the door. He’d get some work done and join his father for dinner. It was a sound idea. Poe couldn’t recall the last time he’d actually sat down for food with a familiar person. It was high time. He started pushing together the datacards in front of him as the first cleaning droids already started rolling into the room.

            “Poe?”

            He was surprised to see that Finn was still standing in the doorway, his face a bit softer than before. How was he ever supposed to read that face again? It was just so frustrating. A few days ago, he’d been sure their friendship was over and done for, then things had turned around and now their relationship seemed to be worse off than ever before. And yet, here Finn was, still looking at him, and there was nothing of that strange, forced neutrality in his eyes.

            “What is it, buddy?” The word came over Poe’s lips before he had time to stop himself. It slipped out far too easily when Finn looked at him like this.

            “There’s a message from our friends the _Ghost_ crew. I didn’t want to interrupt the meeting with this, but it sounds like they really want to join us.”

            Poe raised his brows and pointed at the seat next to him in which Rey had sat a couple of minutes ago. “A credit for your thoughts?”

            Finn shrugged as he let himself fall into the chair and folded his hands in front of him. He looked strangely more at ease now. “You don’t trust them?”

            “Honestly?”

            “I hoped you were always honest with me now.”

            That stung. But Poe ignored the sickly burning sensation in the pit of his stomach. “I don’t see how we can refuse help at this point, especially from people who are hiding out from the Order themselves and who broke off one of their alliances for us.”

            “Or so they say.”

            Poe nodded. “Or so they say…” He bit his lip. “Who was on the comm?”

            “Jacen. Called himself Fulcrum though. No idea why.”

            Lips twitching up to a smile, Poe leaned back as well. “Did you see his face?”

            “Sure, but no one but us would recognize it anyway, would they.”

            “No… Fulcrum was an old codename which was used by the Alliance for spies within the Empire. I suppose he used it to tell us he was on the same side.” At least that was what he hoped. It would be truly terrifying if Jacen’s use of the term suggested that they were being listened to. “Maybe we should send someone to meet them in a neutral location? See what they have to offer and bring them back here?”

            Finn brushed the tip of his thumb over his lips and nodded. “I’ll go. And I’ll take Rey with me if you can spare us both?”

            “Hardly… but it makes sense.” He only hoped both Finn and Rey would make it back safe and sound.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's six months later and the Resistance is getting stronger.

_Coordinates 44,-19188– 6 months later_

 

Under normal circumstances the sparks flying out of the console in front of him would’ve made him nervous. But these circumstances were far from normal and he simply couldn’t give a damn.

            The bridge was about to descend into chaos as their X-Wings had all the attacking TIE-Fighters engaged in dog fights. The green and red laser bolts flashing across the viewscreens did little to calm things down here.

            “We can’t hold them off forever,” Snap’s voice sounded strained as it buzzed through the comm.

            “Just a few more minutes,” Poe hissed, eyes trained on the tactical display in front of them. His fingernails scratched the shiny surface.

            “Poe, there’s too many of them!”

            Poe bit his lip. Snap was right. Finn had been right. His head snapped around to the former Stormtrooper, who was bent low over the display across from him, one arm still in a sling. They’d discussed this operation forever and agreed that this was worth the risk. It had to be.

            The entire ship shook as one of the TIEs crashed into their hull. “How bad?” Poe shouted over the noise of flaring alarms.

            “Nothing major, just one of the auxiliary drives,” Connix’s hands flew over the controls in front of her.

            “Get us closer. And fast.” They were most likely risking too much, but this had seemed like the perfect way to get the fuel they needed in addition getting one over the First Order.

            His fingers were itching to take control, to fly this ship himself, but he was needed here. To coordinate. His pilots were good, no, great even, but he knew that he would’ve been able to lure their enemies into traps the others hadn’t even thought of.

            Mouth dry, he watched as slowly but surely, the shielded ship they’d launched amongst the tumult was approaching the Star Destroyer, which launched yet another wave of TIEs.

            “Where the hell do they even get them from!” One of the ensigns shouted, eyes fixed on his controls, doing his best to fire their ship’s canons where they wouldn’t damage their own fighters.

            “It’s the last one! They don’t have room for more!” Poe shouted back, praying he’d read the blueprints correctly and the Order hadn’t changed the Star Destroyers’ hangar design.

            Finn’s head snapped up at this. “The transport is close,” he said and Poe nodded. “The droids should launch any second now.”

            And then it was time to get the hell out of here.

            “Start planning the course,” he ordered over his shoulder, sure that the right person would catch it and start acting.

            “Three more TIEs down!” Connix informed him. “But they’re drawing so damn close!”

            Poe faced the display again, arms crossed over his chest to keep his hands from fidgeting.  “Karé, watch out!” Two enemy fighters were far too close on her tail. Heart beating rapidly, he was about to call out to Snap to watch Karé’s back, when another explosion shook the ship.

            “Nothing happened!” Neerik said, “Just the cafeteria.”

            The droids launched from their transport and within seconds stuck to the fuel tank attached to the ship the Order was escorting.

            “We don’t have much time left,” Finn hissed. He wasn’t wrong. The Order must have sent a distress call as soon as the Resitance’s ship had appeared.

            “Agreed, how are things, Threepio?” The protocol droid was attached to yet another console from where he was directing the droids. Conder and Alexandr had it designed specifically for this operation.

            “Almost there, General.”

            Poe caught Finn’s eye. “This is going to work,” he said, not sure whether he was reassuring Finn or himself.

            “It’s got to work.”

            No doubt about that. And just at that moment, as the droids detached the fuel tank from the transport, a hissing sound from the comm caught his attention. He whirled around just in time to see one of their X-Wing’s crash into the Star Destroyer’s bridge. His heart skipped a beat. But there was no time to grieve. No time to pound his hand against the console and curse the galaxy. “Get the fighters inside, cover them with all we have!” His voice was beginning to falter. The Destroyer was leaning to starboard, heading straight towards the transport, to which the droids were attaching the fuel tank now.

            “Testor’s gone.” Jacen said simply, the word weirdly distorted by static.

            The name was ringing in his ears.

            “The fuel’s secure!”

            “Let’s get out of here!”

            “Poe!”

            Blinking, Poe turned to look at Finn. He must have taken over for the second during which Poe had been unable to act.

            The transport was the first to vanish into hyperspace.

            “All X-Wings are in the hangar!”

            “Jess…” he whispered so only Finn could here. When had Finn approached him? Since when was he standing so close to him.

            “I know,” Finn muttered.

 

 

Jess was gone. After the loss of more than three quarters of their fleet, and after he’d had to bury more friends than he’d ever thought possible, he’d somehow thought Black Squadron would be safe now.

            Jess… Jess of all people. She’d survived so much, she’d been there for him and their small family… and now, in the blink of an eye, she’d ceased to exist.

            As he stood at the door to the hangar, he couldn’t help hoping she’d jump out of one of the X-Wings after all. That she’d run towards him, clap him on the shoulder and joke about the Order. About how they’d be defeated within the next two weeks at the most.

            But she didn’t.

            None of the pilots was smiling as they climbed out of their vessels. None of them even talked. They’d lost three people today.

            Yes, they’d won, but they’d also lost three of their best.

            Poe’s throat was tight as he watched them talk to the techs. Would his being there have changed anything? Not very likely. He was a good pilot, but he couldn’t have saved Testor. No one could have done that.

            “Are you okay?” Finn asked. They’d come down here together and for the first time in a very long time, Poe thought he detected some trace of sympathy in Finn’s eyes. Not that they’d seen a lot of each other these past few months. In fact, Finn had only just returned from a mission before they’d embarked on this one.

            Poe shook his head. “No, but I haven’t been that in years, I think.”

            Finn didn’t answer or comment on that. And there was nothing to say really.

            “Don’t worry about me,” Poe added, stepping into the hangar to speak to the pilots. Finn was right at his heel, as though being told not to worry wouldn’t stop him from doing just that.

It hadn’t sunk in yet. Knowing the truth and accepting it were two entirely different things and just like it had been since the beginning of the war, there never seemed to be enough time to really grieve for someone.

            Karé, Snap and Jacen weren’t the only ones looking at him as he approached the group. Their eyes showed him that they hadn’t quite grasped their losses either. Not yet. They’d have a couple of hours of hyperspace travel, yes, but that wouldn’t be enough. And Poe didn’t have time to process it at all. He’d have to prepare messages to the families of the people they’d lost.

            He cleared his throat. “Thank you,” he said, his voice steadier than it would’ve been a few years ago. He hated being used to this by now. But being used to it didn’t make it any easier. “Thank you for doing this.”

            Karé’s eyes flashed in white hot anger. She hated him being this business like, and she’d told him that on more than one occasion.

            He took a deep breath. Jess had been more than just a pilot. More than a brave fighter. She’d been a friend, a close one at that. “I suggest we hold a memorial service as soon as we drop out.” They’d make the time. Like clockwork, they’d sleep, grieve, repair the damage that had been done and move on. “I’m sorry,” he added, forcing himself not to lower his gaze, not to stare at the tips of his toes, but to look his friends in the eye. “I’m sorry, I have no words… not yet.” He’d find them soon enough. Once his knees stopped trembling and his heart racing. “This victory feels like it isn’t worth a damn, but it is.”

            Behind him, Poe could see the stars dissolving into thin white lines, before hyperspace swallowed them up.

Karé’s eyes didn’t soften, but at least she didn’t punch him either.

            “See you in a couple of hours. Right here.” Threepio was already on it, he’d already made sure that every crewmember got an announcement about when it’d take place.

            He watched on as everyone nodded and started shuffling away. On turning away, he saw Finn vanishing through the hangar door. He didn’t even stay one more minute to talk to him.

            The hollow feeling in his chest seemed to expand as he slowly made his way towards his quarters. He’d never been this alone. Never.

            The Resistance was making some headway, their propaganda seemed to work as more and more beings joined their strive, the galaxy finally started fighting back against the First Order and they weren’t as low on funds as they’d been after Crait. In fact, things were looking good and he’d been surprised to see that taking over the helm suited him. He could do this!

            But he didn’t like it.

            Not that Leia had liked it. At least Poe didn’t think she’d _liked_ being the figurehead for rebels for several decades. Who in their right mind could _love_ this tedious work of fighting? Of burying friends? The one thing that kept him going was that this was the right thing. And he knew that Leia felt the same way. That she’d felt like defending the galaxy and everyone in it was worth it. That it was worth sacrificing family life for it.

            He’d almost reached his door, when he heard running footsteps behind him.

            _Not now_ , he thought almost angrily as he turned around.

            But the angry face he’d been expecting wasn’t there. “Poe!” Jacen said as he approached him.

            “Hey.” Poe couldn’t for the life of him figure out what Jacen could want now.

            “Do you have a minute?”

            “Sure.” He didn’t, but he’d make the time. He opened the door to his private quarters and Jacen walked in without being asked twice. He’d become extremely comfortable in the Resistance, as had most of the other members of the _Ghost_ crew. They’d become some of the most valuable assets the Resistance had to offer up now. And Jacen was a brilliant pilot, no doubt about that.

            “I’m sorry,” Jacen said, before the door had fully closed behind Poe. He sat on the desk in the centre of the room, wiping his forehead with his right. He hadn’t changed out of flight suit yet.

            “Yeah, me too.” Poe scrambled out of his jacket and threw it on the narrow bunk. “I should’ve listened to you. Asked more pilots to-“

            “No!” Jacen interrupted him. “Don’t do that right now. Stop blaming yourself. No use in that.”

            Poe nodded and leaned against the desk next to Jacen. Their hands found each other naturally. “Did you run all the way here just to tell me that?”

            “Sure. What else?” Jacen smiled grimly as he squeezed Poe’s hand. “What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise?”

            The laugh was inevitable. Poe leaned in to kiss Jacen’s cheek. “No, you’re right,” he whispered, savouring the smell which still clung to Jacen’s clothes and skin. The faint trace of the air conditioning in an ancient star fighter and the residue of oil on his flight suit.

            “I hate that she’s gone. That they’re all gone… I just wondered if you could do with a distraction?” He nodded in the direction of the bed. Jacen’s eyes were fiery red. He hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours, Poe knew.

            Swallowing hard, Poe shook his head. “I need to get some writing done. Messages to families.” His voice faltered. How he hated this part of his job. Always had, really. “Prepare a little speech.”

            Jacen nodded. “Okay… I’ll just go then.”

            But Poe didn’t let go of his hand. He needed him now. He needed his warmth and his presence. “Stay,” he said softly. “Sleep. I have a perfectly good bed.”

            Snorting, Jacen pulled him closer to press his lips against Poe’s. “Join me, when you can, General.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

_Horne Prime_

Trying to keep his nose from wrinkling in disgust was hard. The sheer pleasure Captain Oto took in his work was sickening to say the least.

            The line which his superior was separating was so long that Berk couldn’t even begin to see the end. Even the faces passing by him became a blur, though he’d promised himself he’d remember each and every one of them. He had to. He owed it to them. To those beings who’d either be sent to yet another refugee camp, or into the mines.

            For months now, the demand for medicinal spice had been rising, and there simply weren’t enough workers on Kessel right now. It was a necessity, but wasn’t it strange that only non-humans were sent there?

            He’d heard that question being asked over and over again. A question. Nothing else. Because all the other officers were terrified of the answer. Of stating out loud that this was wrong. Berk knew it and so did everyone else. Even Captain Oto, who’d been with the New Republic’s army before the First Order had taken over. Before the Republic had dissolved into nothing but mess. The same was true for Berk, but Berk would never have worked as hard to rise in the First Order’s ranks as Oto had. Because Oto enjoyed his work. Because Oto enjoyed the power.

            Berk kept the hidden camera in his lapel trained on the prisoners. On the faces he couldn’t remember. He’d send it to his contacts as soon as he could. Because the Resistance would need every single bit of information they could, should they win. They’d put Oto on trial. They’d bring justice to those who were suffering now.

            For once there were humans among them. Political prisoners most likely. Even the children.

            Oto waved them on, three to the right to be sent to Kessel, one to the left to be sent to camp. Three to Kessel. One to camp. Just a couple of quick movements with his wrist and that was all it took for Oto to decide over life and death.

            Three.

            One.

            Four.

            Two.

            The procession stopped dead when one Oto raised his hand. “You, girl!” he shouted, and the young blonde stopped dead in her tracks, but she didn’t look down at her feet. She only kept pressing the lump hidden underneath her coat closer to her body without breaking eye contact with Oto. Berk admired her. She couldn’t be older than fifteen.

            “What are you hiding there?”

            Her hands were shaking violently, but she didn’t hesitate to open the buttons of her coat. Two tiny, furry faces appeared. Dogs. Puppies. They didn’t protest at the sudden cold rushing at them, but seemed to be happy to be out. To be able to lick her throat.

            “Dogs?” Oto asked, startled. Berk looked at him, saw the strange glimmer in Oto’s eyes and felt his insides squirm.

            “They’re mine,” she said almost defensively, hugging them closer to their chest. The black, silky fur pressed against her skin.

            “Come here!” Oto ordered, all the while people kept passing. Walking to the left. Towards the transport that would take them to the camp. But Oto didn’t notice or didn’t care.

The girl stepped closer.

“What do you want with them?” His voice was softer now. Softer than Berk had heard it in a long time. Was that what he sounded like when he talked to his children?

She staggered at this. Her cheeks were hollow, her hair dirty and she was clinging to the puppies for dear life. Behind the masses of people streaming towards them, apparently unnoticed by the Stormtroopers guarding them, a column of smoke started spiralling its way up towards the sky.

Berk’s heart missed a beat. Could it be? And why was he the only one noticing this?

Oto’s eyes were still trained on the dogs while three more people slipped by to the left. “Well?”

“They’re mine,” she repeated. “But-“ She took a deep breath. Her deep brown eyes were starting to swim, but she didn’t cry. Not yet anyway. “I want to give them to you, Sir. As a gift.”

Oto hesitated. His lip twitched up in a smile which stood in stark contrast to the fierce look he usually wore. He looked up at her and his eyes softened.

“Take the dogs, Lieutenant,” he said curtly. It took Berk a moment before he realized that he’d just been addressed.

The girl’s eyes flew towards him with a plea. A plea to keep her precious dogs safe. How much it must cost her to ask this of a person who was willingly sending hundreds of beings to the mines.

If only she knew.

Berk stepped forward and took the dogs from her without being able to look her in the eye anymore.

Oto clapped her on the shoulder and pushed her to the left. She was strong and healthy, usually a good candidate for the mines, but she’d be allowed to go to the camp. At least for now.

Berk didn’t look after her, but he heard her sob.

This wouldn’t go on for much longer.

The puppies in his arms started yapping. Crying out. For her.

But they’d never see her again.

“Take the dogs to my quarters, Berk. I’ll take them home with me next chance I get.”

Berk nodded. Oto wouldn’t get a chance to go back to his family. Berk just knew it. The smoke in the distance turned black. And then the air was disrupted by a massive explosion on their right.

Without hesitating, Berk crouched down low, the yammering dogs pressed tightly to his chest.

The Resistance had finally come.


	17. Chapter 17

_Coordinates 82,-446_

Days, months, funerals, birthday celebrations…

            They’d all started blurring into one mass a long time ago.

            Some stood out more like others, like pinpricks in his heart.

            This was just another one.

            Jess had died, so had several others.

            Poe attended the memorial of five people like he’d attended so many before this one. He gave a speech, just like he’d done before. He refused to acknowledge that he felt the loss of his friend more like the others and someone told him afterwards that the speech had been inspirational.

            He didn’t believe a word of it. All he knew was that this was his job and he needed to do it well, just like he needed to keep busy to plan the next attack. But Poe just sat there, staring out into space. Just for a moment he wanted to think about Jess. About the friend he’d lost.

            People were starting to leave the hangar to get back to work. They’d dropped out of hyperspace several minutes ago and their next job was already waiting for them. The fuel they’d captured needed to be stored and distributed to the other ships in their ever-growing fleet.

            “Poe?”

            Finn was standing right behind him, his features as unreadable as ever.

            “Yeah…” Poe wiped his face and looked behind him. The rows of chairs were already being stored away by some helpful hands. Jacen had been the first to volunteer organizing the service.

He got up from his chair.

“Can we talk?” Finn raised his eyebrow slightly, as though he wasn’t quite sure of what he was doing here.

Poe nodded again. “Always.” How long had it been since their mission to Mandalore? Weeks? Months? The latter probably. He only wished he’d taken the time to talk to Finn. Actually talk to him instead of allowing them to drift apart like this. Their differences couldn’t be this insurmountable, could they?

But maybe he was just being sentimental, because he couldn’t bear the idea of losing yet another friend.

They started heading out the hangar as well, passing Jacen as they went. Unable to return Jacen’s weak smile, Poe started walking faster.

“Well?” he asked, almost brusquely as he entered his office, Finn right at his heels. The datapad with the messages he’d sent to Jess’s family was still on the desk. The red button indicating that the battery was dying was flashing up weakly at him.

_Need to recharge? Tell me about it._

He turned around to face Finn and felt the knot in the pit of his stomach tighten. It was always there nowadays, but it was especially bad when he was alone with Finn. He gulped. “How can I help?” he added, hoping he’d managed to soften his tone enough.

Finn frowned slightly, but he didn’t comment on his choice of words. “I need to get to Horne Prime.”

Poe stood up straight. “What’s happened?” And why the hell hadn’t he been approached by a communications officer if something had gone wrong?! Rey and Rose had accompanied their strike force which had been sent out to liberate one of the so-called refugee camps the Order kept nowadays.

Finn shook his head and raised his hand in a calming gesture. “I just got a message from Rey, they’re fine. The report should be on your pad by now.” He took a deep breath and sank down on one of the chairs. “No, they’re okay. Everything went really well.” But he didn’t look at Poe as he said these words.

“Okay?” Poe relaxed somewhat and leaned against his desk. “But…. Why are you so upset?”

Clearing his throat, Finn brushed his hand over his neck. For a moment Poe thought of stepping closer and putting his hand on Finn’s shoulder. And then his eye fell on the hem of the shirt balled up on his bed, barely hidden by the pillow. Jacen’s shirt.

“There’s something we didn’t know before we attacked the camp.”

Poe nodded. That was an understatement if he ever heard one. They barely ever knew anything about those camps, only that they needed help. But Finn being this reluctant to come out with what had been discovered was new. “What is it?”

“Stormtroopers,” Finn breathed, looking up and the way his brows were furrowed and his lips were trembling made Poe’s hear clench, “Young recruits… really young. Most of them maybe eight years old… some of them a bit older.” He let out a breath and stood up. The tension in his shoulders made him stand even taller than he was.

“And I guess the people we saved aren’t too happy about that?” His mouth was parched.

Finn shook his head and clenched his fists. “Rey says there’s been an accident already. And the camp’s only just been liberated. One of the kids is dead. Got hit in the head…”

“Damn it,” Poe hissed, turning away from Finn, so the other didn’t see how much this piece of news upset him. This wasn’t right. Why did things, the really important ones, keep going badly. He blinked, wishing for tears that wouldn’t come.

“I know you-“

“No, you don’t” Poe said loudly, wiping his eyes. Whatever Finn was about to say, whatever accusation would come out of his mouth next, Poe didn’t want to hear it. “You’re going there. Straight away. And I’m coming with you.” He needed Leia for this. Leia would have been the right person, the figurehead they needed to calm the tension there, but Leia was gone. And this was his job now. He needed to show his face. To represent the Resistance, along with Finn. Finn, who was the only one who understood, who really knew what it was like to be both a rebel and a Stormtrooper.

“You’re… what?”

“You heard me,” Poe breathed, “Jacen can take over the distribution of fuel. He and Connix can do this. We need to leave as soon as possible.”

            “No!” Finn said decidedly. “No, you can’t.”

            Poe, who was already by the door, froze. His heart was pounding in his chest. “Says who?” His hands were balled into fists. This wouldn’t end well. He just knew it.

            “You know you can’t just take off. They need you here. To coordinate, to lead, to-“

            With an indiscernible yell, Poe rammed his fist into the wall, not giving a damn about the searing hot pain shooting up his arm. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” he hissed, whirling around to face Finn.

            “Well, looks like someone needs to!” Finn shot back. “You’re exhausted and desperate and they need you here. I can take care of this by myself!”

            Poe huffed, but he didn’t have it in him to argue. If he said one more word, he might end up punching Finn. And that would just be a sorry confirmation of Finn’s assumption. “Do what you want, then,” he said, pushing the button which opened the door. Jacen was just heading towards them but facing him was impossible as well. Without another word, Poe shot past him and started heading towards the bridge. Not that he wanted to speak to anyone there, he just needed to be not around Finn for a while.

            From afar he could already hear the soft beeping and the murmuring of the people assembled there and the noise made him turn right straight off. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of an empty storage cupboard. Without hesitation he pushed the button and vanished inside.

            Cleaning equipment. Of course… well at least it was a room in which he could hide in peace for a while… Without giving it another thought, Poe collapsed on the floor, knees pulled tight to his chest, face pressed against his legs. Breathing was hard and facing the galaxy again in a couple of minutes seemed next to impossible.

            There were no tears anymore. He’d shed them all over the past few years. The last had fallen over Jess.

            Wishing for things to be different was futile. All that was left was this intense pressure. The weight on his shoulders, on his chest…

            Yes, he’d taken on this job, because he’d been asked to and because he knew he could do it. But being the most senior officer in the Resistance meant being utterly powerless in most ways. “Leia, how did you do it?” he whispered under his breath.

            Leia was always there with him and yet, at the same time, he’d never understood her less. How she’d been so strong and yet so completely calm most of the time…

            His throat was tight, aching for a liberating sob, but nothing came.

            But Leia had been trained to do this. She’d been a princess, a leader by birth. She’d known how to compose herself. How to deal with this sort of thing…

            _And what are you?_ The soft voice in the back of his mind sounded eerily like his mother. Or at least he thought he did. He remembered so little of her… and yet, here she was. With him in a way which told him that he could only be imagining it. Leia was there in front of him, urging him on, keeping him going. A figurehead he could never reach.

            The answer to that question was easy to find however. _A soldier._

Leia was the person he was supposed to replace and at the same time the one person he could never become.

Shara on the other hand was always there at the back of his mind, whispering soft words of comfort and encouragement.

And nothing helped. These days, he was helpless. Completely and utterly helpless and alone. At least that’s how he felt. He knew what he needed to do to keep going. To get from one step to the next on their way to fight the First Order. And that’s what he needed to do. That’s what he needed to focus on until their job was done, or they all perished.

Poe bit his lip.

Defeat was not an option, and, to be fair, it didn’t seem to be in the cards at this moment. The Resistance was growing again. The First Order might be powerful, but there were so many rebel cells strewn across the galaxy by now, that they couldn’t even begin to hope to destroy them all.

            The knock on the door came as no surprise.

            Wiping his dry eyes, he shook his head. “Give me another moment!”

            If only it were Kes… but Kes was busy working on another ship. He was fully invested in training new scouts and his experience from the days of the Rebel Alliance was highly valued among the other officers. There were so few veterans left nowadays…

            “Poe? Are you ok?” It was Jacen.

            Poe’s shoulders dropped, and he sighed, relieved that it wasn’t Connix or anyone else. “Yeah,” he replied, and the door opened in response.

            He had to admit, even though he’d wanted to be alone, seeing Jacen here managed to take some weight off his chest. The door slid shut behind Jacen and everything was dark again, but he could still sense him. Jacen sat down opposite him, his legs on either side of Poe’s. When their hands met, Poe couldn’t help but smile.

            “I think you’re lying to me,” Jacen said quietly and Poe could almost see the other’s vibrantly blue eyes crinkle in his mind’s eye.

            “I guess I am,” Poe reached out to squeeze Jacen’s hand.

            “Finn really manages to upset you a lot these days.” The tone of voice was tentative, but there was something else lurking behind it. Something less calm.

            “You sure see a lot,” Poe muttered.

            Jacen laughed softly and his thumb brushed over Poe’s hand, making goose bumps appear on his skin. “My mom says it’s because my daddy’s a Jedi.”

            Scoffing, Poe pulled Jacen’s hand close to his lips. “Maybe that’s it,” he said quietly as Jacen’s fingers brushed through his hair. He sat up straight and pulled his legs closer, so he could kneel in front of Jacen. Being this close to someone was just the thing he needed right now.

            “Hold on.” Jacen’s breath gently swept over Poe’s skin. “What’s the problem with you two? He just stormed off to one of the shuttles and took off.”

            Poe slumped against Jacen’s chest. There wasn’t a whole lot of room to manoeuvre in this confined space, but he was grateful for it. Grateful he could be this close to Jacen, to feel the warmth of his body. Instantly, Jacen’s arms wrapped around Poe, pulling him close.

So Finn was gone… he just hoped everything went okay. But it probably would… Finn was good at this sort of thing… at sorting things out, talking to people, making them see sense… and the Stormtroopers’ fate was especially important to him, and rightly so. The Resistance would’ve been lost without Finn, who could talk to deserters like no one else, who could inspire faith and hope like no one else could in those who had abandoned the Order, or who’d been abandoned by it.

            “We just fight a lot,” Poe muttered, wondering, if, maybe, in the darkness surrounding them, he could finally speak the truth. He took a deep breath. Jacen would give him the time he needed. “Ever since Hux’s death, things have been complicated.”

            “And things were different before then, I suppose,” Jacen said, just as quietly. His lips were so close to Poe’s ear now that he could sense the vibrations from his words.

            Poe shrugged. “Yeah… there was a time when I thought we could be more than… well…” he cleared his throat and shrugged, “But that never happened, and it never will so…”

            “So you settled for me.”

            The words stung. “No,” Poe said after a brief silence, a moment during which he sensed the tension in Jacen’s arms like never before. “That’s not what this is.” And it wasn’t. Poe hadn’t settled. He wasn’t waiting for Finn… but what was he then?

            _Just pulling through._

            He gulped and shook his head. “Are we in the middle of the boyfriend talk now?” he asked, feeling the unsure smile spreading on his lips. But the sense of pressure on his chest warned him that this was not a laughing matter.

            “Didn’t we have that already?”

            Poe chuckled, but there was a touch of bitterness in that sound now. “I can’t remember,” he admitted. There’d been too much going on. Too many things to think about, too many people to grieve for.

            Reaching out for Jacen’s hand, he pulled it closer to his chest again. “No, we had it. And I’m glad we did.” He kissed Jacen’s knuckles again. “I’m glad I’m with you.”

            Jacen was quiet for a while, then his lips trailed Poe’s temple. “I guess I know that…” he said. “But it’s also good to be sure what’s between you and Finn.”

            “There’s nothing there,” Poe answered, admittedly surprised that there was no trace of jealousy in Jacen’s voice.

            “Yeah, there is,” Jacen said. “But it’s better to know about it.”

            Before Poe could respond, Jacen’s lips found his, making him forget about Finn in an instant.

            The kiss was far from soft. The urgency and determination behind it, made Poe want to be even closer to Jacen. Before he knew it, Jacen’s hands were in his hair, pulling him closer.

            Not hesitating a moment longer, Poe turned around and climbed on top of Jacen. His knee bumped into a bucket, making the untidy construction of even more buckets, mobs and othrt cleaning supplies rattle threateningly.

            Jacen laughed and his breath collided with Poe’s skin. “You know,” he muttered breathlessly, his hands trailing down Poe’s spine, “There are some people who saw me follow you in here.”

            “Don’t care.” Poe was just as out of breath as Jacen. His heart was pounding wildly, reminding him that he was alive, that he needed this, just as he needed to keep going. He started fumbling with the top most button of Jacen’s pants, already feeling the promising bulge beneath the rough fabric.

            “Okay,” Jacen’s hand slipped into the back of Poe’s pants. His skin was as warm as ever, the fingers as determined as Jacen’s tongue had been. Poe pressed his lips against Jacen’s neck, stifling a moan when Jacen’s fingertip started circling him. “Get those pants off, Dameron,” Jacen whispered in his ear and Poe didn’t need telling twice. The brooms rattled some more, one of them almost fell on Jacen’s head, but neither of them cared.

            He couldn’t see him, but when Jacen let go of him and a few seconds later, Poe heard the familiar popping sound, he knew that Jacen had come prepared. Sure enough, it didn’t take long for Poe to feel how slippery Jacen’s fingers were when he started touching Poe again.

            Poe kissed him, doing his best to keep as quiet as possible, stifling his moans when Jacen’s other hand found his cock.

            It didn’t take them long, it wasn’t gentle, but when Poe finally sat still on top of Jacen, still feeling Jacen inside of him, he let out a relieved sigh.

            Jacen pulled him closer, his lips on Poe’s chest. “I love you, Dameron…” Jacen whispered, almost inaudibly and the words made Poe’s heart contract painfully.

            In answer, he kissed Jacen’s temple, unable to speak.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is taking forever. The following chapter is a rather short one, I'm afraid, but, to be fair, things are a bit busy at the moment and this fic is incredibly hard (but fun) to write ;)

_Coordinates 68,15-9,40_

 

They’d only just gone to bed when the sound of the alarm rang through the room.

            Staying in bed was out of the question.

            Who knew what was waiting for them now.

            Jacen was out of bed before Poe was. He reached the desk, picked up the comm and brought it to Poe.  “Private channel,” Jacen said quietly, voice drowsy with sleep.

            Poe sat up, wiped his face and turned on the light. Blinking, he sat up and turned on the comm. “Yeah.”

            “Poe, there’s a message from Finn,” Connix’s voice came through the comm. How was she still awake? Did that woman ever sleep?

            “What is it?” Poe pushed the blanket aside and started assembling his clothes.

            “There’s a problem at that refugee camp. He says they need aerial support. And it looks like the First Order’s arrived. One light cruiser, but still bothersome. They’re hiding in the mountains.”

            Cursing under his breath, Poe got up. “Get the X-Wings ready,” he said. “We’re taking them there straight away.”

            “Poe, this ship is too slow,” Jacen interjected. “Let us go first, you follow.”

            Poe swallowed hard, staring at Jacen. It was the right call. He nodded. “Yeah.” He looked down at the comm in his hand. “You hear that Connix?”

            “Loud and clear.” She sounded somewhat amused.

            With a scoff, Poe shook his head, “Okay, fill up their tanks and get the pilots out of bed.” He turned it off, cutting the conversation short.

            “We’ll get them out of there,” Jacen said. Already he was jumping into his flight suit, which he kept in Poe’s quarters these days. And why not. They slept here every night anyway.

            Poe nodded. “I know.” It wasn’t more than a simple statement, but he believed it to be true. Their strike force of X-Wings was up to one hundred by now. It still wasn’t an awful lot, but it was good enough. “And you,” he stepped closer to Jacen, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him towards himself, “You come back to me, okay? Give ‘em hell and come back.”

            Jacen smirked and Poe’s stomach twisted into a painful knot. “Sure thing, General.”

            “We’re right behind you, you hear that?”

            “Yep.”

They had twenty X-Wings on their cruiser and once they’d followed the lighter ships, the _Tantive V_ would be able to lend support and pick up the refugees. It would be crammed, but things would work out. Leia had given their cruiser a name, which had nothing to do with the size of its ancient predecessors, but that name still meant something to everyone who knew its history.

            “Back before you know it.”

            Nodding one last time, he kissed Jacen on the lips and let him go. “May the Force be with you.” It was all he could manage. Telling Jacen that he loved him was something he’d always meant to do, but somehow the words wouldn’t come over his lips.

            “And you.” Jacen knew it, but he didn’t seem to mind. The soft twinkling in his eyes, as he squeezed Poe’s hand and let go of him, made Poe want to reach out to him again.

 

The battle was already well underway when they finally dropped out of hyperspace, the First Order cruiser was leaning heavily on its starboard side, its tip almost dipping into the planet’s atmosphere. Not long, until the ship crashed to the surface.

            “What’s the status of our X-Wings?” Poe asked, moving towards the tactical display, his fingers itching to close around a control stick in one of those magnificent cockpits. Beebee-Ate was chirping by his side. Obviously the droid was feeling the same way.

            “Two down,” Statura said from across the display, “Five are engaged in dog fights with TIEs, but the others are circling over the location of the refugees, waiting for the shuttles.”

            “Send them out.” Poe gave the order mechanically, terrified of inquiring who they’d lost this time around. "Have the X-Wings cover them." _Don’t let it be Jacen,_ he thought, hating himself, _Force, don’t let it be Jacen._

            He watched on, as seven X-Wings broke off from the group protecting the refugees on the ground and starting heading up into the upper atmosphere. The First Order ship’s escape pods were activated. Fifty of them. Far too few to cover all its crew. Poe felt a twinge in his stomach. How many more people were going to die now? But sending help was out of the question either. That ship was already beginning to start burning up in the atmosphere. He could only hope the surviving Stormtroopers would be rescued sooner rather than later.

            The battle was as good as over, the X-Wings had reached the shuttles and were escorting them down to the surface.

            “Has the First Order vessel sent out a distress call?” Poe asked, his eyes on the other ships outer hull, which was starting to glow precariously, before it started its final descent.

            “Yes, but that was hours ago. Backup should’ve reached them long before now.”

            What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why would the First Order attack a refugee camp and not come to the aid of their own. “Alert all battle stations,” Poe said, shifting from the tactical display to the communications board. “This could be a trap.”

            “No,” Connix muttered, shaking her head. “Their main fleet started attacking Mandalore for real a few hours ago.”

            Poe swallowed hard. Mandalore had been occupied for ages now, but this meant that the rebels on Mandalore had started rebelling in earnest. “Why wasn’t I informed?” he asked, feeling his throat tighten as he said it. Not that they would be able to render assistance after the Mandalorian rebels tried forcing him and Finn to team up with them, but still.

“We just got the news.” There was no trace of defensiveness in her voice.

Nodding was all he could do, as he watched the little dots representing the First Order  escape pods head towards the ground, while the first transports reached the refugees. “Get them on board as quickly as possible,” he said. “I don’t want to get a surprise visit from the Order.”

“Yes, Sir.”

So this was all over. There wasn’t anything left for them to do. The X-Wings had already done all they could. Brushing his hand through his hair, he turned on his datapad to check for any new messages… and there it was, a short one from Sabine, who’d been undercover on Mandalore, saying that the Mandalorian rebels had started an uprising and that she couldn’t say when she’d be able to send another message. Wonderful… who could tell what would happen next. Should they send out a task force to Mandalore just in case? He pushed the thought aside as quickly as it had come. This might be the Resistance’s war as much as the Mandalorian’s, but it was not the same fight.

And then there was a message from Esra on Coruscant… from what he could tell the First Order was rallying all their forces to strike, but if it was against Mandalore, or the Resistance, no one could say.

“Finn’s onboard one of the first shuttles that are coming in.”

Frowning, Poe looked up. “What?” That was unusual. Finn was normally the one person to stay behind to make sure everyone got away.

Connix’s face was ashen grey when she turned to him and just looking at her, he could feel his stomach twist when their eyes met.

“He’s hurt…” he muttered breathless, the news having knocked all the air out of him.

“I’m so sorry, Poe,” she said quietly, stepping close to him. “The medics are already waiting for them when they arrive. I’m sure they can do something.”

Poe nodded, his mouth dry. Finn was hurt… Finn of all people… Shaking his head, he balled his hands into fists. His head was spinning. He should’ve at least tried to patch things up with Finn, instead of leaving things the way they were.

“Hera and Kanan are on their way.”

Nodding again. It was all he could do. Even if it didn’t make any sense. Without another word he turned towards the door and started heading towards the main hangar. He had to be there when they brought Finn on board.

The corridor seemed to stretch out into infinity on the way. His legs carried him along the well-known route while his brain was lagging far behind. How could he have allowed this to happen? How could he have let it happen that they parted fighting?

When he reached the hangar, the first three shuttles were just landing and just as he entered the hangar, he heard steps behind them. But he didn’t turn around. His eyes were focused on the medics standing by with a stretcher.

The entry hatch of the shuttle closest to him opened, the hiss of air exploding from the hydraulics systems brushing through his hair, but he didn’t care.

The steps behind him drew ever closer.

And then Finn stepped out of the shuttle. The lifeless form of Jacen in his arms.


	19. Chapter 19

Coordinates 231,018;87,089

 

He couldn’t stop staring at Jacen. At the same time he couldn’t move. Everything passed him by. The words whispered by the doctors, Hera and Kanan at their son’s side, the indiscernible sound of the machines keeping Jacen alive.

            And there was Finn, standing in the doorway, arms folded over his chest. Poe took a deep breath and forced himself to look Finn in the eye. “Thanks,” he brought out tonelessly.

            Finn had kept Jacen alive, had made sure that he was the first onboard one of the shuttles. And what for? So he could die here and now? So that he’d have a slow, excruciating death rather than a quick one down on the surface?

            No… Finn had brought Jacen back for Poe. For Hera and Kanan. To say goodbye. The lump in Poe’s throat wouldn’t go away. He blinked against the tears, but he didn't have the energy to fight them.

Finn nodded once, his expression grim and as unreadable as ever. It was as though he'd been waiting for Poe to acknowledge him. Without meeting his eyes again, Finn turned his back on him and walked away. Someone had to take care of the refugees and make sure that everything on board was in order before they took off again.

His heart nothing more than a dull hole in his chest, Poe slowly made his way towards the bed. Jacen was as pale as the sheets he was lying on. No reaction was to be seen on his face as Poe approached, and Poe scolded himself silently for halfway expecting it. This was no cheap romance holo. This was real, and the realness of it was what made it unbelievable.

And Poe didn’t even dare take his hand, terrified of waking the half-dead man, of ripping him out of the grace that was unconsciousness and causing him even more pain than he already had. By not speaking out. By not allowing himself to tell Jacen this one simple lie. And it would’ve been a lie. Saying he loved him would have been wrong, but not saying it made this whole scene unbearable.

A hand closed around his. Hera. But she didn’t look at him, and in the terror he was feeling at her touch, he stiffened. He took another deep breath, then squeezed her hand.

No. He may not have a right to be here, but he had a duty to be. Jacen _was_ important to him and it was the same way the other way around, only that Jacen felt more for Poe than vice versa. This wasn’t wrong.

Not entirely wrong anyway.

And so they stood by Jacen’s bed, not even noticing that the doctors had already gone, waiting for something to happen.

 

He couldn’t let anyone near him. Not to console him, not to talk to him. He was only glad no one had expected him to hold the funeral. Connix had taken care of it and Poe had just stood by, watching the whole thing unfold and urging his heart to start beating again.

For time to keep moving.

For this to be over.

The entire Ghost crew had been there of course, Kanan and Hera at either side of him, as though _he_ needed their protection now that their son was gone. This was all too much, and he had no idea how he should handle anything else.

            He was bent low over his datapad, sitting at his desk with a stiff neck, his shoulder hurting from the crouched position he’d been in for hours now. All he could focus on were the numbers and statistics, the reports of recon missions. This was a lot to take in on a good day, too much even, but today it was just enough to keep his mind occupied. Thinking of Jacen was too hard. Too painful, and so he focused on something else.

On not having to look Hera and Kanan in the eye.

            On his right, Beebee-Ate was waiting quietly, patiently even, if that was possible for a droid to be. Poe was sure he knew what the astromech was waiting for, but he wasn’t ready for that yet, either. The droid ways loyal to say the least. He could have been working on ships in the hangar, or helping the Resistance in any other way, anything but stew here with Poe. But that’s what Beebee-Ate had been doing for days now. While the Finn was busy resettling the refugees and making sure to find a place for those who wanted to stay with them, and while Connix took care of rerouting the Resistance’s fleet, while Poe was sitting in his office, brooding over suggestions to set up a system of government for the Resistance, Beebee-Ate had stayed by his side. Unwavering. Without demanding attention.

            Poe’s eyes were burning with tears he wouldn’t allow to fall. He was forcing his mind forced to take in as much information as possible, but he knew he couldn’t keep this up forever. And just as he thought that, he knew that he’d already lost. Wiping his brow, he pushed himself away from his desk and just as he was about to get up, the comm flashed in bright red in front of him.

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Finn asked, keeping up with Poe as he walked through the corridor.

            “Not entirely, no,” Poe shook his head, grateful for the distraction and terrified at the implications at the same time.

            “Have you _ever_ heard of a creature that could do this?”

            “Repel the Force? No.” Poe took a deep breath. “But I’m not a Jedi.” They were close to the brig now and he forced himself to stop. “Rey is affected by it, though. So is Rose. Why would they lie? And why would they risk bringing him here if they weren’t sure it could work?”

            Finn bit his lip. “I don’t know. I’m just not sure it was a wise decision to allow him on board.”

            The knot in Poe’s stomach told a similar story. “Well, we didn’t have much choice.”

            Finn’s eyes twitched towards the door and Poe could sense the tension. “There would’ve been another way. Just abandon him on that moon they found him on with those damned creatures and let him rot there.”

            Poe refrained from pointing out that Finn had criticized the Resistance for thinking this way not even six months ago. And here they were. He nodded instead. “Let’s talk to our Jedi first.”

            A small conference room had been set up near the holding cells, in which their prisoner was held. Guarded by soldiers and those creatures alike. Rey and Rose were talking quietly when Poe and Finn entered. Neither of them looked particularly happy.

            “You’re sure this is secure?” Finn asked the minute the door was closed behind him.

            Rose nodded. “Well, there are several Ysalamiri in the holding cells next to him. Their Force repellent field stretches all the way across the ship. Rey, Kanan and me will take turns watching him. Maybe even Ezra once he gets back.”

            “What are those things anyway?” Poe asked, taking four cups from the shelf on the left and filling them with water. It felt good to have something to do. To have something else to worry about.

            “We’re not entirely sure,” Rey answered, taking a cup from Poe. “I’m just glad we were on that moon with our soldiers. I don’t think Ren had anticipated the power these animals can have.”

            Poe took a sip and nodded. Rey and Rose had acted without telling him or anyone else. They’d decided to follow up on intelligence about Kylo Ren’s whereabouts on their own, hadn’t even bothered to mention that they’d even _gathered_ intelligence about the First Order’s Supreme Leader. But there was no use chastising them for it right now. They might have risked their own lives and those of the soldiers they’d commandeered, but they’d been successful, hadn’t they? “You still shouldn’t have brought him here.”

            Rey’s eyes narrowed. “No?” she asked, almost aggressively. “Should we have waited for him to find _us_ and attack _us_?”

            If only Poe could be sure whether she was talking about herself and Rose or the Resistance… he shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted tiredly. “I only know that he needs to be put on trial. And we certainly can’t let him stew her until we’ve managed to set up one. We can’t just…” he threw a glance at Finn. This was different. Finn had to see that. “We don’t have a functioning government, or a judiciary system. Not really. We’re not the Republic.”

            “Yes, thanks for the lecture.” Rey was still staring at him, nostrils flaring. “But what would the alternative have been.”

            And here he was. Scolding Rey and Rose for bringing Ren here. He brushed his hand over his eyes. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But what are we supposed to do with him now? He’s still dangerous, isn’t he? And who can guarantee that these ysala-thingies will be able to contain him?”

            “Ysalamiri.” Rose was still sitting down, a cup in her hand and staring out the window. “I truly believe they will.”

            “Do you want to talk to him?” Rey had calmed down somewhat, but she still eyed him warily.

            “I don’t think I do,” Poe answered. “I guess I’m going to have to, but not right now.” He took another sip, just to have something to do. He wasn’t in the right mindset to talk to Kylo Ren. Not after… he blinked and shook his head again. “But I will. Just let him stew a little.”

            “He asked about his mother though,” Rose said quietly. “About how she died.”

            They hadn’t been able to keep the news Leia’s death a secret apparently. But no one would’ve thought _that_ possible, anyway. “What did you tell him?” He didn’t even want to imagine that maniac asking about Leia. If he allowed that monster to have a soul, then this thing would become even messier.

            “Nothing.” Rose shrugged. “We haven’t talked to him at all since he surrendered.”

            Finn smirked. “Bet he didn’t like being surrounded like that.”

            “No.” Rey said, staring at the wall behind which, somewhere, Ren would be held captive.

            Poe sighed. “We’ll just keep him under close observation. If anything funny happens, anything at all, we’re going to chuck him out an airlock.”

            Finn almost smiled at that. Clearly he couldn’t help thinking this wasn’t such a bad idea.

            As Poe walked towards the door to get back to work, he couldn’t help but wonder what Jacen would’ve said at this. How he would have felt. What he might have suggested they do with the monster in their holding cell.

            “We’re meeting with the rest of the fleet to discuss matters,” he told Rey and Rose. “Things on Mandalore are really starting to get out of hand, and we need to find common ground.”

            “What do you think is going to happen?” Rose asked. “Do you think they’re going to want to attack the First Order?”

            Poe sighed and nodded. “Before you came here with your cargo, I would’ve said no.”


	20. Chapter 20

_Coordinates 0,7-1292_

 

The tactics display which Sadron, one of the Bothan generals, had prepared for their meeting looked complicated even to the most trained eye. The wild assortment of ships which represented the Resistance Fleet was circling the command ships placed in strategic intervals around the orb projected in front of them. Smaller battles, dog fights between TIEs and X-Wings were taking place across the projection, but at this scale they were nearly impossible to make out.

            “Coruscant _should_ be our next target,” Ackbar said. “But I’m not sure we can afford to attack the Order like this.”

            The Bothan’s hair ruffled in dismay at Ackbar’s reservations. “We have Ren.”

            “Yes,” Finn shrugged, “but they’ve found a new military leader after Hux’s passing. And Phasma is every bit as ruthless as Hux was. Maybe even more so. She’s a brilliant strategist in any case and she’ll be expecting an attack on Coruscant.”

            Poe folded his arms over his chest and kept staring at the holo. The scenario the Bothan had explained to them _did_ look like it could work, but Poe had no interest in engaging in a battle like this. “Back in the Clone Wars the Separatists laid siege on Coruscant and failed. And they had far more ships, far more fighters than we have today. And they’d also captured the Old Republic’s head of state.” He took a deep breath. Their little group of commanders had tripled since the day they’d elected Poe to be their leader. Still, they weren’t big enough. They weren’t strong enough. “I don’t see that operation succeeding, no matter how much we think things through. Finn’s right. They’re expecting us to attack.”

            With a snort, Sadron sank back into his chair. The hair on his arms stood on end. The general hadn’t expected things to go like this, that much was clear. “We shouldn’t give up so easily.”

            “We’re not giving up,” Ackbar said and the way he stared at Sadron reminded Poe all too vividly of the older Mon Calamari, whose name he had inherited. “But you have to see that we don’t have the strength for this kind of manoeuvre right now.”

“We’ve been doing well with the way we’ve been dealing with the Order so far,” Finn said, leaning forward. “They aren’t as strong as they used to be, yes, but that doesn’t mean we can just barge in and waste all the energy we’ve gathered over the past years.”

The hair on Poe’s arm stood on end, much like that of the Bothan’s had a few minutes ago. Finn… the way he talked, the way he looked each and every one in the eye… it wasn’t _what_ he said, but _how_ he said it. Poe had had that same feeling once before. The first time he’d heard Leia speak.

“Different question,” Connix said from the opposite side of the room, “What are we going to do with Ren?”

Poe huffed. “Not sure. I talked to him only briefly, or rather I talked _at_ him. He refuses to snarl at me, or call me names, or anything.” He smiled grimly. If he was honest, the way Ren had completely ignored him had been more than unsettling. The fact that Rey and Rose were just as incapable of using the Force to defend the ship and everyone onboard it from Ren didn’t help ease his worries. “Looks like we’ll be stuck with him for the foreseeable future. But I’m thinking that maybe we could dump him somewhere? Somewhere where he can’t get away?” Poe rubbed his forehead. “I don’t think any of you are too comfortable having him around here all the time?”

“We should at least think about it,” Rey said quietly, looking at her folded hands. “I mean, keeping him here is definitely a security risk.”

Nodding, Poe looked around again. Once more, nobody seemed to be satisfied with the proposed solution, but the alternatives, keeping Ren here onboard, or killing him, were no options for any of them either. Poe had to admit that he was relieved at this revelation. The people gathered here were more than angry at the Order and furious at Ren to say the least. But no one proposed setting up a tribunal straight away. “Would you look into that, Rey?” Poe asked, “Find a remote, deserted planet where we could keep him until he we can set up a trial? Preferably with a million Ysalamiri on it?”

Rey smirked unhappily but nodded.

Poe took a deep breath. “We can talk about this whole situation again in a few days. As far as I know, keeping him here for a few days more won’t pose a problem.”

 

 

When everyone had left the room, Poe stayed behind. He needed to talk to Hera, and soon. He’d promised her to keep in touch, not only to discuss business with her, but also to let her know how he was doing… and he wanted, he needed to know how she and Kanan were dealing with it all… with a life without Jacen… They’d gone to one of the few bases to help train new recruits. They were keeping busy, just like everyone else. To distract themselves while they didn’t have time to grieve…  or maybe they did. At least they had each other to talk to.

            Poe was standing by the window, staring out at the cluster of black holes in the far distance. At the nothingness they represented. At least ten of them, forming a barrier within space. His heart grew heavy just staring at them, but at the same time he felt a strange sense of calm creeping up on him. Back in the day he would have liked to see how close he could get to them before all his instruments gave out.

            They’d chosen this spot to hide their activity from the Order. Yes, they only had a few parsecs left to move into the direction of the singularities, but at least they couldn’t be detected by any instruments the Order had. On the other hand, they also couldn’t send out any messages via comm. But that didn’t matter for now. For now, they needed to discuss their next moves. Not that there was much to discuss, or rather, to find even more common ground. If only he could see how things would unfold. Right now, having the Force and this particular talent for seeing the future would be ideal.

            He heard a soft knock behind him and he turned around to see Finn standing in the doorway. “Are you okay?” Finn asked and the way he looked at him made Poe’s shoulders relax somewhat. Finn’s eyes showed concern if nothing else.

            Poe’s mouth twitched up into a smile for a moment and he shrugged. “I suppose,” he said quietly. Right after the meeting, Finn had rushed off to the bridge to relay a memo to one of their messengers who regularly left this meeting to inform the other Resistance cells.

            Finn didn’t need an invitation to draw closer and stand next to Poe, arms folded across his chest. “What are you looking at?”

            With a snort, Poe pointed at the cluster of destructive force ahead of them. “Just wondering how close I could get to one of those in my old X-Wing.”

            “Until the instruments shut off, or until you’re ripped to shreds?”

            Poe shrugged. “Just the instruments thing, but thanks for reminding me of the other option.” He smiled vaguely and brushed his hand through his hair. He wasn’t entirely surprised to find that he was nervous. He usually was around Finn. So much had happened these past few years, and so little had been said. And then there was Jacen… Poe furrowed his brow. Why would he think of Jacen now?

            “So, no suicidal thoughts, just a bit of healthy brooding?”

            “Yeah, well…” he looked at Finn, whose eyes were trained on the vastness of space beyond the viewport.. “Can’t help brooding these days. First Leia, then Jess, then Jacen…” Finn’s mouth twitched, but his face didn’t betray anything else, “How are you doing? You’re always busy, huh?”

            Finn rolled his eyes and rubbed his cheek, “Yeah, well…” he echoed Poe, but without a trace of sarcasm, “you know how it is. Rebellions and stuff. Doing all I can to keep my reputation as rebel scum…”

            Poe couldn’t help but laugh at this. “I know. It’s so much work. Someone should start paying us.”

            “We’re not getting paid?!” Finn’s eyes grew wide as he stared at Poe with mock surprise on his face. “I quit.”

            It felt good to laugh. To make fun of it all, when there was so little to laugh about these days. Poe drew up two chairs for Finn and himself. They hadn’t talked like this in a long time. Now he thought about it, _he_ hadn’t talked like this to anyone in weeks. Not even his father. He hadn’t been in the mood for jokes.

            “No, seriously. I know you and Jacen were close. How are you dealing with it?”

And there it was again. A serious topic. And why did Finn even care? Poe clenched his hands into fists and took a deep breath. “I’m not sure,” he admitted, after telling himself that Finn only meant well. “It’s rough, but… I need to keep going, you know?” What he wanted to say was, that he missed Jacen. He missed his support, his strength, his sense of humor… the comfort he provided… he missed his friend. But there was no time to grieve. No time to think about all of this.

Finn nodded, his face unreadable once more. “He… I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.” He cleared his throat. “He was conscious when we pulled him out, but…” he drifted off, averting his gaze from Poe. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring this up.”

“No, it’s okay.” And it was. It really was. Poe’s throat grew tight, but Finn had never talked about this and Poe had never asked. “Please…”

Finn shrugged. It had been weeks. Had he told anyone? But then again, he was a soldier. Wasn’t he used to fighting a losing battle against death? Weren’t they all? “He didn’t talk much… just said your name…” he swallowed hard and now it was time for Poe to avert his gaze. To stare at his feet. Ashamed and …. what? What did this make him feel? Not numb, that much was sure, but what else?

Clearing his throat, he wiped his eyes. “Yeah…” He took a deep breath. “I miss him… just wish I… I only wish we could’ve talked about… things.” About how Poe loved him. Not the way Jacen had fallen for him, but that he loved him. That he cared about him. That he was sorry this had all happened. That Jacen deserved better than this half-distracted general who could barely think straight by the end of the day. “Gosh, I feel so old sometimes…” He laughed without a trace of mirth. He couldn’t help it. It was all he could do to break down crying.

“Well, you turn thirty-five today, don’t you? That is old.”

Poe chuckled, wiping his eyes again before looking up at Finn again. “You know, I haven’t even thought about that.” But Finn had. When the messenger returned from his trip, he’d probably bring a message from Kes, but Finn remembered. Finn didn’t even know his own birthday, but he’d remembered Poe’s. “Thanks.” Poe smiled.

“Didn’t say _Happy Birthday._ Just stated a fact, old man.” Finn was grinning now. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat. You look thin.”

“Not the worst of ideas, my young friend.” He got up from his chair. Finn was right. He needed to take better care of himself. He needed to take a break from things more often, even if it meant thinking about Jacen. Because forgetting about Jacen wouldn’t do either. Jacen deserved better.

As they walked towards the door, Poe caught a sudden movement by the viewscreen. He spun around. A green flash across the darkness beyond. “Finn…” he muttered, reaching for his comm, which was starting to beep rapidly, just as he was reaching for it.

“That was a TIE!”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. It all happened so fast in the end, but there you go. Here are the last chapter and the epilogue to this story.

_Chapter 16_

_Coordinates 0,7-1292_

“How the hell did they find us?!”

            “The messenger.” Finn was right at his heels as he stormed through the door of the bridge.

            Poe nodded grimly. “Yeah…” The Order had either caught their messenger, or they’d intercepted someone else who knew about this meeting… those were the only two options Poe would allow himself to think about. He didn’t want to focus his mind on spies and betrayal, when their entire fleet was at risk. Again.

            “The other commanders have already left for their own ships.” Connix said from the central console. Her eyes were flickering from one enemy ship on the display to the other. Not that there was much to be seen. Who could tell how many ships there really were. The radiation coming from the black holes made their sensors as good as useless and they could rely on this tactical display as much as on their eyes in these circumstances. “So far we’re facing six Star Destroyers.”

            “Kriff.” The first TIEs had shown up only a few minutes ago and if they’d already been joined by six Destroyers… Poe’s heart missed a beat when he spotted three more Star Destroyers drop out of hyperspace, robbing the Resistance fleet of the room to manoeuvre. They couldn’t move backwards and they sure as hell couldn’t jump into hyperspace without running the risk of ramming the enemy ships. “Are the X-Wings prepped?”

            “Yeah, most of them are ready to take off.”

            Poe nodded. “Give them two more minutes and send them out then. Have three cloaked ships take off with them.” The cloaking tech which Conder had developed had improved a lot these past few months and Poe was glad he’d let Conder talk him into equipping a couple of light fighters with that technology. On these small ships the cloaking technology took up all the room usually occupied by the hyperdrive, meaning they could only be used for reconnaissance at close range, but for now this was all the Resistance needed.

            “They’re hailing us,” the young woman at the communications terminal said, sounding surprised.

            “How?!” Finn raised his eyebrows. “They’re too far away for their signal not to be distorted.”

            Poe took a deep breath and raised a hand, signalling the communications officer to hold the transmission. “Get Ren ready for transport,” he told Connix. “Get him on a small transport with those ysalamiri. Have him put under constant guard and get him out of here. I don’t care where you take him, just take him away.” Connix nodded and headed straight for the door. She’d make sure the order was carried out, Poe knew. She knew how important it was to keep Ren away from the Order for as long as possible.

            “Rey will want to guard him.”

Poe nodded. That couldn’t happen. They needed Rey and Rose here. “She won’t know what’s going on,” he said decidedly. “Is Commander Skywalker with her squadron?” Rey had only recently taken on that name, but just saying it, helped lifting his spirits somewhat. Skywalker…. They had a Skywalker on their side. And it didn’t even matter why she’d done it. One day she’d simply stated that she’d use the name from now on, without meeting anyone’s eye... Finn knew something about it, but he hadn’t told Poe… and why would he? Until now they’d kept talking to the bare minimum: the Resistance.

“She is,” Lieutenant Ohm, who had taken over Connix’s position said. “They’re about to take off.”

Poe nodded. “Commander Tico?”

“The same, Sir.”

Taking a deep breath, Poe turned to face the Holo. “Patch them through as soon as the X-Wings are ready. Do we have any news on Ren?”

Ohm rubbed their forehead. “Connix just arrived at his holding cell. The ysalamiri are ready for transport.”

Poe closed his eyes for a moment and nodded once more. At least he could be sure that Connix would rather shoot Ren than allow him to escape. It wasn’t ideal, but they also couldn’t allow Ren to return to the Order.

“The X-Wings are ready and visuals confirm that the other commanders have returned to their ships.”

“Okay, let’s do this.”

The next moment the figure of a tall, slightly overweight man appeared in front of him. He was looking just as constipated as Hux had done, but, if that was possible, even a bit more smug. This should be fun.

Before the little man had even time to open his mouth, Poe started speaking: “This is General Dameron of the Resistance. Surrender now, or be destroyed.” He caught Finn raising an eyebrow and he would’ve shrugged and smirked, if he weren’t so occupied keeping a straight face.

“You have nowhere to move, Dameron. I suggest you press that self-destruct button before we do it for you.” The man’s voice was deep and his accent so heavy that Poe knew exactly where he came from: Coruscant. That accent was clearly from one of the Core Worlds.

“I really don’t like being addressed like that. You could’ve at least introduced yourself, my man.”

Ohm nodded at him. The X-Wings were clearly about to take off. He raised a hand, ordering them to hold on, just for a moment. Clearly that man didn’t know they had Ren onboard. At least their intel wasn’t complete, so a spy in their ranks could be ruled out.

“What have you done to the messenger you intercepted. We’d like to-“

“You should worry about yourselves, Dameron.” The man’s lips twisted up into a  disconcerting grin, “Surpreme Leader Phasma sends her regards and she offers you mercy. Self-destruct now, or be obliterated one my one.” As he spoke, two more Star Destroyers dropped out of hyperspace. No, their odds clearly weren’t as rosy as they might have been.”

“Can she even speak anymore? I hear Commander Finn as good as obliterated _her_ … twice.”

Instead of answering, the communication was cut off.

Poe took a deep breath and nodded at Ohm. “Let’s give them hell.” That, at least, was something they could do. They could go down fighting.

 

It was strange how history repeated itself. Once again they were trapped, once again they had nowhere to go, but straight ahead. Once again they were outnumbered, but they sure as hell wouldn’t give up. If this was their last stand, then so be it. If they were defeated, then they might as well take as many First Order ships with them as they could.

            Time and time again, as the battle unfolded, as their squadrons of X-Wings rushed off to meet the enemy and the bigger battle ships lined up in the only formation which the proximity of the black holes cluster allowed, Poe’s eyes flew towards Finn.

            He was as much a part of this as everyone else. He was dedicated to what he was doing. Of course, there was little else he could do in this situation of utter chaos, but at least he’d stayed with them. Even after everything that had happened with Hux.

            Poe felt a lump in his throat and forced his focus back on the battle. On giving orders that couldn’t help anyone, because they couldn’t communicate with their fighters once they were too far away. But somehow, strangely, the squadrons stuck together, kept evading TIEs and the sprays of fire from the Star Destroyers.

            “The shuttle with Ren onboard is ready to go,” Ohm said and Poe nodded. “Connix is heading back towards the bridge.”

            “Tell them to activate the cloak before they take off. We can’t risk the Order spotting them.” Poe had his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Just to have something to hold on to in this turmoil. “Let’s move forward,” he said. The other battle ships were ready. They couldn’t communicate via comm very well, but they could _see_ each other. And it worked. It really worked, even without sensors or top of the line technology, they moved forward as one, just as the X-Wings up ahead kept attacking the Star Destroyers.

            “How in the blazes could they hail us, though,” Poe muttered.

            “Guess they have a head start technology wise,” Finn said, following his gaze in the direction of the dogfights up ahead.

Their fighters stayed closely together, they acted as one… how strange. Poe wouldn’t have thought it possible without being able to make proper use of the sensors. “It’s Rey and Rose, right?”

“I suppose,” Finn sighed, rubbing his eyes. “She told me she found out that Skywalker was her father shortly after Crait, you know?”

Poe scoffed. Last minute information in the face of utter destruction… He took a deep breath. Damn it, when had he become such a fatalist? “I’m glad she found out something about her past.”

Finn nodded grimly. “Well, someone should.” Their eyes met, just for a single moment and Poe felt his heart skip a beat.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. And he couldn’t even say what exactly he meant. All of it probably. For being an ass. For fighting with Finn, when he knew, deep in his heart, that Finn was right. For allowing them to drift apart time and time again. For this.

“Poe, I-“

“We lost visual!” Ohm’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts. They were closer to the Destroyers now, had to start evasive manoeuvres.

“With what?!” Poe took a step forward.

“Ren… Ren’s ship. I- I think-”

“What do you mean, _you think_?!” A wave of relief and dread washed over him. What if it was true?! What if it wasn’t?! What if Ren had somehow managed to seize control of the ship?!”

“It collided with a TIE, Sir.”

Poe swallowed hard and nodded. There was no time to deal with ifs and whens now. They had bigger problems right now.

But the battle didn’t go as he’d feared… at least not at first. They managed to disable TIE after TIE, never mind that they couldn’t communicate. Something else, something bigger tied them together, making each and every fighter, each and every ship work in perfect harmony with each other against their enemy. But they were still outnumbered. Still they were losing more ships than they could afford.

Sadron’s ship burst up into flames not five minutes after the ship with Ren on it had vanished. Next was a whole dozen X-Wings… And Poe was calm. Calmer than he’d thought he could be. “We just have to try to get past them…” he muttered. “Get past them and get away from here. Some of us need to survive this…” This couldn’t end here. Not now… With gritted teeth, he stood there, unable to do anything. If only he were in a position to pilot. To actually fight…

And then they were far enough away from the black holes for their sensors to pick up more than just mainly static. For the comms to work again. At least the rudimentary communications systems. The Star Destroyers still hadn’t moved an inch and there was little hope one of the bigger battle ships could sneak past them. Not with he heavy fire they were taking on. Already their shields were failing. Poe took another deep breath and exchanged a glance with Finn.

“Contact the other ships. I want everyone to get on transports who doesn’t need to be onboard for the ships to function. Tell the X-Wings to escort the transports if possible. Skeleton crews on the main battle ships only.”

Ohm didn’t protest. Neither did anyone else… Connix was standing in the doorway, eyes fixed on Poe. She nodded once and got to work straight away, as Ohm started contacting the other ships in the fleet.

Finn frowned at him, sensing what Poe was about to say. He shook his head. “Forget it, I’m staying.” The firmness in his eyes told Poe all he needed to know. There was no arguing with Finn over this. Even if he was essential to the Resistance. Even if him staying here was crazy. Finn reached out to him, squeezed his shoulder once, then returned to take over the gunner’s position, telling the young woman to head for the hangar straight away.

Their eyes met again and Poe’s lips twisted up into a sad smile. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest. “Off you go, Ohm,” he said, putting a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. Ohm turned to face him. He shook his head, but in this case, Poe wouldn’t be persuaded. “Not a chance. I need you out there. Connix, you too.”

No one else argued.

Skeleton crew. As many people as possible deserved a chance to get out of this.

“Finn?” Poe said, finally, for the first time in far too long, sitting down at the helm. It’d been ages since he’d piloted a ship and he’d seldom flown a ship this size. It couldn’t be compared to how quickly and easily an X-Wing responded to commands, but at least this way, he’d go down the way he was supposed to.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.” _For everything. For saving my life. For staying._

But Finn didn’t respond. Poe had to turn around in his chair to see Finn staring at him, his expression unreadable, but tender at the same time.

“ _Tantive Five,_ come in!” Rey… Rey was hailing them. So she was still alive. Had he been closer to the tactical display he might have been able to see her bright red spot amid the blue of the enemies speeding by outside amidst the spray of laser fire. They were so close to the Star Destroyers now, that Poe and Finn would be able to see more details of the First Orders more impressive ships soon.

“What is it, Rey?”

“Poe!”

“Yeah, we’re getting ready to evacuate, didn’t you get the order? Get out of there.” He wasn’t in the least bit surprised to hear how calm his voice sounded. It was strange how little he cared about losing his life now. But it had always been like this during battles. There was too much else to think about. Too much to focus on.

“No chance we’re leaving you, General,” Rose chimed in. “Listen, five more ships dropped out of hyperspace just behind the Star Destroyers. And they’re not First Order.”

They were all alone on the bridge by now. Only Poe and Finn. Neither could abandon their post to look at the tactical display behind. Instead, Poe pulled up the smaller one. The image was still blurry, but before he could identify the ships, the back of the biggest Star Destroyer ahead went up in a giant fireball. Poe stared outside the viewport, as the Destroyer leaned left, ramming the Destroyer next to it.

            And then the green button in front of Poe flashed. An incoming message. Without hesitation and without taking his eyes off the Destroyers up ahead getting trapped between the Resistance fighters and the newly approaching ships, he pushed the button. “Yeah?”

            A blurry image appeared in front of him, but he recognized the face of the woman straight away. “Miss Kryze…” He’d heard about her recently, had heard what she and her Mandalorian Rebels were facing and how they were dealing with it…But this was unexpected. And now he could see the three additional ships looming behind the Star Destroyers. Infinitely smaller than the First Order warships, of course, but there wasn’t a whole lot of room to manoeuvre and the First Oder ships were by now effectively trapped…

            “General Dameron. We’ve come to render assistance.”

            “How did you even know we were here?!” Poe asked, halting the engines. He’d have to contact the First Order ships now. Already two of them were showing visible signs of damage. If they didn’t stop firing soon…

            “We have an informant on one of those ships.”

            Poe felt that lump in his throat again. An informant… an informant they were willing to sacrifice by the looks of it. “What do you want?”

            “To win, of course. What do you think?! This war has to end. Now.”

            Poe refrained from shaking his head. Winning one battle wouldn’t mean they’d win this war. “Let me talk to the commander of those ships, first.”

            “Negative.” Her eyes hardened. “Dameron, we don’t have time for that nonsense. Now is the time to-“ Poe hit the mute button. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t want to argue with her. She was wrong. They needed to at least negotiate. If they didn’t, they were just as bad as the First Order… he swallowed hard. That had been Finn’s argument… Poe took a deep breath. Kryze was still talking. The Resistance ships were still taking fire. They were still outnumbered. The only chance they had was to join up with Kryze’s ship.

            He cut off the communication with Kryze and looked over at Finn, who merely nodded. “I don’t see another choice here, do you?”

Poe shook his head and sighed. Then he activated the comm channel broadcasting all over the ship and linking _Tantive V_ to the rest of their fleet, ordering everyone to get back to their battle stations and hit the First Order ships with all they had.


	22. Epilogue

_ Epilogue _

_Statt, 6 months later_

“So,. this is it?”

            “I suppose so.” Poe kept staring at the tips of his shoes. He couldn’t make himself look up right now. He needed a moment of staring, of breathing and of letting reality sink in. He took a deep breath and raised his head. Finn was smiling at him. Actually smiling.

            Poe’s heart skipped a beat and it took him a few seconds before he found it in him to nod. “Thanks for taking me here.”

            “Well, someone had to.”

            Literally everyone could have done it. The celebrations at the temporary senate building were still ongoing, even though they were far from public. The victory had been hard won and this conflict still wasn’t over just yet. Never before had the Republic, or what would soon be the third rebirth of it, started out this small.

Five systems.

No more had found it in them to unite and strive for another future.

Poe couldn’t exactly blame them. This experiment had failed twice before.

“I think your ship’s about to leave, Poe.”

He threw a look over his shoulder. The engines hadn’t even been started yet. He still had plenty of time, but it was clear that Finn was just as insecure as he was. The twin suns were slowly setting behind the buildings shielding the rest of Statt’s capital from view. Finn’s face was strangely illuminated by their crimson light and Poe felt tempted, just for the briefest of moments to throw his arms around the other man and- yes, what?

Poe cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he muttered, his throat dry. “I’m off.” He clasped his hands behind his back before they acted on their own, and patted Finn on the shoulder. Finn had made it clear over the past few months that he had no interest in being closer after all. But then again, they'd been so busy..

“Yeah,” Finn nodded. All the other passengers were onboard and only Poe was left. “Your dad’s waiting.”

“He just needs my help.” Another lie. Kes didn’t _just need his help._ Kes needed his son. Needed to see him more than he had since the beginning of the war and Poe sure as hell would never forget how guilty he’d felt during these last few years. And he was sick of feeling guilty and torn. “See you around?” It was more of a question than a goodbye.

Finn’s lips twitched and before Poe knew it, Finn had wrapped him in his arms. Just briefly, but his arms were warm and more welcoming than Poe would have expected them to be. Blinking, he started raising his arms to return the hug, but Finn had already let go of him and as he stepped back, Finn’s lips brushed Poe’s temple ever so slightly. Poe could still feel the trace of Finn’s breath on his skin, as the other turned around and slowly started towards his speeder to return to the celebrations, his dark blue cape moving like waves in the soft wind.

Poe took a deep breath. “Well, that was unexpected,” he muttered lightly, his voice shaky. But Finn didn’t look back again, only got into the vehicle and started the engines.

Legs barely responding, Poe forced himself to walk. Not to follow the speeder on a futile attempt to catch Finn and figure out what that hug had been about, but to board the ship. He slung the duffle bag over his shoulder and started heading towards the ramp. Beebee-Ate had been silent for the entire exchange, but now, as Poe put the right foot on the ramp, the droid started beeping frantically, urging Poe to turn around.

“Just leave it,” Poe whispered, defeated. He’d be back on Statt before long anyway. Though the Resistance had dissolved with the defeat of the First Order, he was still expected to play a role in the re-formation of the New Republic, whether he wanted it or not. Just leaving and giving up on those ideals was impossible. He’d see Finn again, then. Finn and Rey and Rose and everyone else.

Ignoring the droid, Poe registered with the steward awaiting him at the end of the ramp and headed for his bunk. Since this was a private trip, he had decided to use a civilian transport. Flying wasn’t an option at the moment, not with a government owned ship. But now he’d finally fix his mother’s old A-Wing and use that to fly back here in a few days.

As he was walking, he felt the floors tremble slightly as the ship started to lift off and Beebee finally, thankfully shut up. All Poe wanted was to sleep for a week. To forget, at least for a while. Although things were going well for the galaxy as a whole, even with more and more systems deciding to form small alliances with neighbours or fending on their own, rather than join the Republic, peace was spreading rapidly. Even if this was just the calm before yet another storm, he was determined to do everything in his power to keep it that way.

Just not right now. Too many worlds had suffered. Too many people had died.

Poe flung himself on the narrow bunk facing the door upon reaching his small quarters, while Beebee-Ate moved towards the large viewport which reached from floor to ceiling. Poe had no interest in watching the planet fade away. _I’ll be back soon enough,_ he told himself. And then he’d have to be okay being in the same room as Hera and Kanan again. He’d avoided coming near them for weeks now. Not because he felt guilty for being alive while their son had perished, because he didn’t. Jacen had died in the course of battle, just like so many others. He felt guilty for an entirely different reason. And he was sick and tired of it.

He still remembered their last kiss before Jacen had pushed him away to start running towards the hangar. That kiss had been full of promise and yet… Poe couldn’t forget the sense of dread in the pit of his stomach as he watched Jacen vanish around the corner. _This isn’t it_ , he’d thought.

_This isn’t it._

Back then he didn’t know what that meant, but now he did.

Poe sighed and turned to face the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Beebee buzzed quizzically and Poe waved him off. “Don’t mind me, buddy, I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”

The silence which ensued made him feel even more tense. He buried his face in the pillow which smelled of antiseptic.

He’d lost Jacen, but he didn’t miss him the way he shot. Not as a boyfriend or a lover, but as a friend. And that was what made it so damn hard to face his parents. Jacen should have been more to him. He’d deserved that. And what had he done instead?

 

The journey shouldn’t have taken more than a day. He should be home already. Instead he was still aboard the transport, doing his best to avoid the company of the other passengers. It was far too likely that one of them would recognise him. And so he kept to the small lounge hidden away in one of the less frequented areas of the space station while the transport was undergoing repairs. Across from him he could see one of the passengers arguing with another He had no idea what they were arguing about, since he had no idea what kind of language they were speaking. He was more than grateful that See-Threepio wasn’t with him.

            Instead of getting up and moving to another table, he only turned around and started staring out of the viewport again. They were basically in the middle of nowhere and nothing but the soft glimmer of stars in the darkness could be seen. He preferred it that way. He preferred not seeing anything too specific of the galaxy at this point.

_Gosh, Dameron, what have you become?_

With a soft groan, Poe let his head fall on his arms. They’d won the war! The Republic and democracy were recovering! So, why the hell was he like this? Why the hell couldn’t he just enjoy a bit of well-deserved rest!

It wasn’t that he felt guilty about surviving, heck he had fought hard for that, and neither did he feel like he didn’t deserve it. He was just so tired… so tired after years and years of fighting and scheming.

A soft nudge against his leg and he heard Beebee-Ate whistle softly. It almost sounded like a lullaby. “Oh, buddy,” he breathed, brushing his hand through his hair. “We should’ve stayed in the cockpit, huh?”

He laughed mirthlessly. It was a futile wish, and he wasn’t even sure he meant it. He’d done what he could and, if he was perfectly honest, he had enjoyed quite a bit of it. The flying, the camaraderie, even the sense of dread and the thrill of unexpected survival… and the friends he had made during that time. He didn’t even regret that weird relationship with Jacen. He missed him. He missed his friend and that wonderful being he had been. And then there were all the other beings he’d grown to love and whom he’d never met, hadn’t he been involved like this…

Finn most of all… but were they friends? Probably…

Poe swallowed hard. After all, Finn had hugged him. He’d taken him to the spaceport, even though he could very well have stayed at the party with people who hadn’t disappointed him. Like Rey or Rose. And yet Finn had decided to take him… to continue speaking to him and do his best to bring down the Order, when the Resistance had let him down like this. Finn was more loyal to him and the Resistance than he ought to be. After all he’d gone through in the hands of the First Order, Finn had still managed to keep this undiluted goodness in him and find it in himself to stay with the Resistance.

“I should have apologized,” Poe whispered, eyeing Beebe-Ate with a raised brow. “Is that what you’re saying?” He’d never done that. There had been too much going on and Finn had made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore… in fact he’d been so distant, especially since Poe started going out with Jacen. There had just been a few moments when they’d really talked, but in the last weeks, when everyone had been busy setting up a new government things had cooled down again.

Poe blinked, rubbing the palm of his hand over the stubble on his jaw. He was being stupid, he told himself. This thing with Jacen had nothing to do with Finn keeping his distance. It couldn’t… “Did Finn say anything to you?”

Beebee’s head glided backwards in a semi-imitation of an eyeroll and he started heading towards a charging station.

“Gee, thanks, pal,” Poe muttered. Maybe he just needed to sit down and have a talk with Finn when he got back. Sit down, apologize and tell him – what?

He was being ridiculous. There was nothing to tell. Not anymore. He’d screwed that up pretty well with the assassination. And he should have told Finn about it ahead of time. That could have eased the blow somewhat. But that wasn’t all.

Throat tight, he placed a couple of credits in the slit in the middle of the table to pay for the drink he hadn’t even touched. He’d just go back to his quarters and try to find sleep. That should do for now. And then, maybe when he’d cleared his head somewhat, he’d find a way to figure out what was really going on here.

He turned, about to head for the door, when his eyes focused on a person standing no three feet away from him. And then it hit him. As though he’d run face-on into a wall without even stopping.

His heart stopped when he saw those clear, determined eyes set in a face which Poe would never ever be able to forget. Finn was breathing heavily, as though he’d run here. “Wha-“ Poe stammered, his knees weak, “How did you-“

Finn held up a finger and shook his head. “Just shut up, Dameron,” Finn breathed and he started towards him, never breaking his stride.

Poe couldn’t focus on anything apart from Finn drawing ever closer and just as all the tension simply dropped off his shoulders, he felt his heart starting to pound in his chest, but he barely had time to realize why his heart was beating like this, when Finn had already swept him up in his arms, pressing his lips to Poe’s.

And _this_ was it.

Just right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so adding the epilogue should have happened last night... but I was in an accident and just couldn't focus on writing or publishing anymore. Don't worry: nobody got hurt. Everything's working out.
> 
> Anyway... Thank you all for staying with this fic and for reading and commenting. You kept me going. Thank you so so much! I hope you liked this fic :-)

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments will be greatly appreciated <3.
> 
> I'm [Sourlander](http://sourlander.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr as well, so please come and say hi, if you feel like it.


End file.
